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Original poster

Feel betrayed, let down - Bad friends

23 replies

AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 10:06

I have touched on this lightly in my previous post which I can't seem to locate, anyway to cut a long story short;

2 "friends" of mine (one is a friend I have known for 10 years, plus we were together for about 8 months and the other is her girlfriend) went to Manchester to visit my ex partner of 4 years. We have not been together for about 4 or 5 years however we have tried to keep a friendship which we struggled with due to her inability to move on.

Anyway, my friends went to visit her and during a night out decided to tell her that whilst I was with her I had an affair with a close friend behind her back - this isn't true. Anyway, ex went crazy and messaged me and I told the truth - it didnt happen.

Anyway I wont bore you with the details. Why would these so called friends do this? What the hell have I done? I am going to have to go NC now with a number of people I had always considered close friends. I suppose it helps that I have moved to a smalll village away from them but at the moment I am feeling anxious about it all.

What if I bump into them? Any advice on going NC with friends?

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 06/08/2014 10:12

Well they have shown their true colours. z horrible Thing To do not only hurting you but your ex. So they have done you a favour. They are nasty and not worth another minute of your time.

Vivacia · 06/08/2014 10:15

Why do you believe that the other women said this? Are you actually sure that they did?

gobbynorthernbird · 06/08/2014 10:18

Are you sure your ex is telling the truth? If you know your friends told your ex that's really awful, and in time you'll see you are better off without. But, I would be wary that the ex may always have been suspicious and lied about what your friend had said in the hopes of getting a 'confession' from you.

unrealhousewife · 06/08/2014 10:18

Your response to these friends is to ask why they would do this? - my response would be anger and fury.

But in a way showing your anger is probably what they want. So I would remain aloof. If you see them in public just turn your back. Don't avoid eye contact, they must know that you are choosing to ignore them and aren't avoiding them because you're scared of them.

The fact that your ex believed them is a bit strange, but explain to her again that you are innocent and allow her to decide who to believe. But you are going to have to ditch these friends.

It's very hard to lose friends, forgive yourself for feeling bad. All you can do is focus on the good people and rise above the gossip and nonsense and move on.

TheFirmament · 06/08/2014 10:19

Could they be fed up with her not moving on, maybe she was going on about you, and in a drunken and daft way they thought it might help to put her off you?

Could you just contact them and ask why they did it? I wouldn't want to phone or talk face-to-face in your shoes but maybe an email. I wouldn't go in all guns blazing, just a matter-of-fact "It seems you told x I had an affair, it's causing no end of trouble for me, why did you say that?"

unrealhousewife · 06/08/2014 10:20

I'd thought of that too gobby, OP you need to find out the truth before you judge, so give it time, the truth always comes out in the end.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 10:37

The affair they are referring to is someone I knew well before I met my ex and who I started seeing about 2 months after we broke up.

Ex has always been very vicious so she could have been lying

OP posts:
Vivacia · 06/08/2014 10:51

Why don't you just ring one of your friends and ask them why they've done this?

Wellwellwell3holesintheground · 06/08/2014 10:57

I would ask them IF they have done this first.

GoatsDoRoam · 06/08/2014 11:01

Either your ex read what she wanted to in something your 2 friends said, or they are vindictive and back-stabbing.

Call and ask, if you want to be sure? "Hey, friend, I just had an irate message from ex after you told her that I cheated on her with current partner. Did you in fact say that?"

You say that one of the friends is also an ex who has found it hard to move on, so if she has indeed said untruthful things to get back at you, it sounds like it won't be much of a loss to cut that friendship loose.

gobbynorthernbird · 06/08/2014 11:12

Alex, in that case I would definitely be suspicious that the ex has her own motives. You were with her for a long time and started seeing this other person not long after. If it were me in your ex's position I'd probably wonder if there were an overlap.

Ask your friends. I'd put money on either your ex lying to you to try and force what they believe to be the truth, or something innocent was said and your ex has blown it out of all proportion and put their own twist on things.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 11:12

They were with her at the time, this has been confirmed by friends that they did tell them this and they believe it to be true.

No the ex is the ex who doesn't move on, the one who got angry.

I'm just so angry and want to seek some kind of revenge but know I should leave it go now

OP posts:
Vivacia · 06/08/2014 11:17

What? So these women deliberately told your ex a lie to either upset her and/or get at you??

gobbynorthernbird · 06/08/2014 11:21

I'd read the situation completely incorrectly then!
There's not a lot you can do if you know they lied about you. Be dignified and distant. Sorry, it's shit when friendships turn out like this.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 11:26

Yep, one of the "friends" who is dating my long time friend has never liked me and always been up my exes ass. It infuriates me.

My ex used to gaslight me, she was always seen as lovely and kind and funny to my friends, nobody saw the real her and wouldn't hear a bad word said against her.

She has turned a few friends against me and continues to try and make me think I was a terrible girlfriend. Luckily my current partner trusts me and we have a very strong relationship.

I guess the friends who take my exes side (there shouldn't be "sides" butt ex has made it that way) aren't real friends.

My ex used to hate me going out with friends so would let me go but with sulking and then arguing when I came back, or she would come with me and complain how boring the evening was. There is no talking to her, she has seemingly lost the plot lately.

Oh and about 2 years ago when I met my first proper girlfriend since breaking up with her, she slit her wrists in my flat whilst I was on a dfate with new gf.

I tried protecting her for so long because I thought she was so vulnerable, now all that has come back to bite me on the ass

OP posts:
TheFirmament · 06/08/2014 11:29

It sounds like there are a few people you would be better not bothering with!

In terms of going NC with friends, it's a lot easier than many other situations. You don't have to be friends with anyone. You just don't contact them and if they contact you, ignore it or just go "uh, meh, maybe sometime" and repeat. DON'T try to get revenge - engaging with types like this is what they want.

Vivacia · 06/08/2014 11:29

God, why would you have all of this angst in your life?

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 11:40

I don't know. I was rocked by her suicide attempt and didn't want to be responsible for another one so tried to keep her sweet.

Hopefully it is over now but ex is so angry that she is threatening to come down from Manchester (I live in South Wales so seems unlikely) and "hopes" to see us both...

As for the friends, no doubt they would have a go at me because I accidentally let slip that they should both look closer to home....(one of them is having an affair)

Part of the reason I moved away is to get away from the drama, I just want a lovely quiet life with my DP and we have had so far. This has rocked us as ex told current DP that I had been having an affair - most definitely haven't, in fact I have never loved anyone as much as I love her. DP asked me if it was true I said no and she said she believes me but had to ask. Ex also messaged her on FB calling her a "fat boring cunt and Alex will get bored of you".

Nice

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 06/08/2014 11:47

Jesus. Never have anything to do with any of these people again. Shield your current dp from them as well as yourself.

Vivacia · 06/08/2014 11:50

Part of the reason I moved away is to get away from the drama

I think you do right, but I think you need to try even harder to get even more distance. How do you know what happened up in Manchester? How is your Ex getting the threats to you? How are you issuing your own replies? How does your Ex know your current girlfriend's name and Facebook?

(Not expecting you to bother answering those - just trying to make the point).

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 06/08/2014 11:55

Ex was a friend so obviously I told her about her, they were even facebook friends for a while.

We have now blocked them from all social media and we have both deleted Facebook.

Ex told me what had been said by friends

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 06/08/2014 16:56

I was rocked by her suicide attempt and didn't want to be responsible for another one so tried to keep her sweet
YOU would NOT be responsible for this!
Please believe that.
If this is ever threatened again to you by anyone, call the police immediately.
YOU are not responsible for someone else's actions. NEVER!!!

sonjadog · 06/08/2014 17:30

Can you cut your ex out of your life? She seems to add nothing to it and 4/5 years after your relationship is more than enough time to be moving on with your lives.

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