What the fuck is wrong with me? Why cant I just be like everyone else?
The whole world is shagging. Every fucking thing seems to revolve around sex and innuendos and I am like such sad fucking cold fish. A freak.
And now my marriage is fucked up. Why cant I just be normal?
Am sat here in floods of tears wondering where the fuck I go from here.
My options laid out to me this evening are:
1: Attempt a proper marriage with sex
2: We attempt a sexless marriage (done that and its failed - see options below)
3: We live as we are now as friends but DH continues to hook up with randoms he meets on the internet for sex discreetly
4: We seperate
He so say loves me but resents me for the lack of sex.
He has a point, I struggle to do it. I rarely get the urge.
There is a back story. Tonight I found another phone which apparently has his hook ups and sex chat on it. He would not let me see it but finally admitted to it. I discovered similar a few years ago and we tried to work through it but I cant face sex with him as I "know" where he has been and moreless what he has done - seen the details of anal etc in chat. Its the lack of sex thats driven him to do this.
Its all my fault because I am a shit wife. Why can I not be like everyone else in the world and be gagging for sex morning noon and night.
I know all this is my fault. I have been evil and selfish denying him sex and yet expecting him to love me and stay faithful. Although this is a shock I have suspected for a long while and yet I did nothing. I dont understand why I am so shocked and hurt tonight. I am being over dramatic when I dont deserve to be. I have brought this on us.
I fucking hate myself right now. I feel like dissapearring off the face of the earth to some cave where a freak like me can exist all on my own but despite my obvious sexual abnormality I am a mum to 2 beautiful girls who I adore and need me, so there is no escape.
Just sat here shaking, crying and like my head will burst. Sorry if I am waffling, I am not thinking straight.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I am the only person in the entire world who does not want sex
SadFreak · 13/01/2014 00:51
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