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Bastard. Ok, now I want to play -

(22 Posts)

I also think you should get him back by gettin a case together using financial records, transfering funds into your account so you have soe money to fall back on etc. Take screen shots of any emails/ texts that you needs, make a note of the suspicious things.
However, I wouldn't go down the road of a honey trap. You poor woman. I knd of know how it feels. I think you have entered the angry phase...it will pass and all that matters is that you make yourself happy thanks

Mosman Fri 08-Mar-13 03:04:32

God I wouldn't bother.
As somebody who's spent the past 4 weeks asking, did you stroke hair, did you shower together, how many times did you fuck her, did you get the money's worth out of the hotel room. It has done me no good what so ever.
Just the fact that you think you "know" means you are right, I knew all along and the details have done nothing but piss all over the lovely memories of my children's childhood that are now tainted by the fact that every holiday snap reminds who he was doing at that point.

Sort yourself out and cut him dead.

ElectricSheep Fri 08-Mar-13 01:28:50

There's a great deal of satisfaction to be had in arranging everything for your new life without a cheating bastard all the while pretending it's business as usual.

Then, when it suits you, just walking out without a word or backward glance. Give him no time to emotionally adjust so that it hits him like a tonne of bricks.

As for catching him out/gathering evidence? Is he really worth it? Put your energy into what matters now - you.

HuwEdwards Fri 08-Mar-13 00:00:46

Problem is, if he is the bastard you paint him to be, he won't give a shit if you find him out, in fact you may be doing him a favour. Just cut him off, without any warning.

Moanranger Thu 07-Mar-13 23:57:41

Just think about Vicky Pryce- look where revenge got her - probably jail! Not a good reason, & usually ends up biting you in the butt. There are only so many hours in the day & you have only so much energy, so focus on yourself & forget about him.

LittleEdie Thu 07-Mar-13 22:52:31

If lying and subterfuge are in his nature, but not yours, then I think you shouldn't do it. Don't ignore any evidence that comes your way, but I don't think it will help you to go looking for it if you are sure he is guilty. You say he's a very good liar, so you might end up looking like the bad guy.

Diagonally Thu 07-Mar-13 20:52:34

Don't forget OP that if you find evidence of adultery now and want to file for divorce on that basis you only have 6 months to do so (from the date you find out).

What do you think is going on, anyway?

I can understand the drive to find actual proof if you believe you've been lied to / gaslighted for a long time.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Mar-13 16:37:58

Stealing is a different thing. If it's protecting assets someone wants to do then they get the lawyers on the case early... not play stupid games trying to catch someone out.

AThingInYourLife Thu 07-Mar-13 16:32:09

Presumably the advantage is in surprising him with a done deal before he can steal marital assets.

LineRunner Thu 07-Mar-13 16:28:57

Cogito's right.

Milly22 Thu 07-Mar-13 16:25:25

I'm in the process of separating from my husband, got too controlling. Anyway, I've taken a day off and photocopied all his savings, pay slips, pensions and shares ISA's whatever I could find and given them to my solicitor. If you want to get your own back, do it where it really hurts - financially. I've got a small debt on my credit card and he can pay for that as well!

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Mar-13 16:19:31

I didn't think there was any material advantage to proving adultery any more. hmm

Shamrock1 Thu 07-Mar-13 16:05:33

Exactly Colditz, I need evidence

colditz Thu 07-Mar-13 16:01:51

Is this man your husband?

If so, are there any marriage assets that could be split more in Your favour in case of his adultery?

If so, keep silent, absolutely quiet,and gather evidence. You don't want him knowing that you know, or he will start moving money around to hide his assets.

Schnarkle Thu 07-Mar-13 16:00:20

Okay that's fair enough. Mind yourself and your heart.

MechanicalTheatre Thu 07-Mar-13 16:00:11

Not worth your time or effort.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Mar-13 15:59:56

You won't get any satisfaction out of it. Best revenge is to live well and all that....

LineRunner Thu 07-Mar-13 15:59:54

I think you should show him the door. 'Fault' doesn't give you a better post-breakup financial settlement.

Derive your satisfaction from cutting him out of your life.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 07-Mar-13 15:58:50

Is this good liar your partner? If so I wouldn't put myself out setting traps or gathering evidence. If you know he's a liar and a headfuck just get shot. It's a lot quicker.

Shamrock1 Thu 07-Mar-13 15:58:19

My head agrees with you but for various reasons I can't leave him just yet and I want to spend the next few months that I'm forced to live with him playing him at his own game.

Schnarkle Thu 07-Mar-13 15:56:47

I'm going to go against my initial "go for it, give him hell" reaction and say the best thing to do with someone you've described is to give zero oxygen to his games and cut him off. Do not play the game it won't be as satisfying as you imagine it might play out. Let him lie to his hearts content to your back as you walk out the door.

Just my tuppence worth.

Shamrock1 Thu 07-Mar-13 15:52:09

I'm after honey-trap/evidence gathering stories and advice please. I'm 'playing' against an intelligent guy that's a VERY good liar and a total headfuck. Time for the lion to become the prey.

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