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My friend's fiance is cheating on her and she doesn't know.

(33 Posts)
EuroShopperEnergyDrink Thu 07-Mar-13 01:11:00

Nightmare situation, sorry if it's a little bit garbled.

My best friend who is a few years younger than me has had a rather troubled life, when she was 14 she moved in with me and DM as opposed to living with her own family. She has dated a string of nobends throughout her teenage years, but about a year and a half met her now-fiance who she loves to death. She moved in with him about 6 months ago after a year dating. We had concerns about her being only 19 and rather unsettled about jumping the gun and moving him with him, but we all had her fingers crossed that it would be okay. And for a while it was! She goes to university and has a part-time job and seems to be very independent outside the relationship in terms of nights out with friends, ect. that it all seemed very healthy- and boyfriend made her seem settled and loved in a way that she hadn't felt any more. We were all really pleased. He proposed 2 months ago and since then she has put a deposit down on a venue for this summer and bought her dress and is so so so so so happy. Although we felt this was all a bit rushed, it's not our place to judge- and she seemed ridiculously pleased.

However, even though I live about an hour away now due to my postgrad studies- I seem to have gained some unpleasant news from friends back home that I really wish I didn't know sad

2 of our close friends were at a gathering at someone's house and found friend's fiance in bed, naked with another girl. When they kicked off and questioned him 'aren't you X's fiance?' he sniggered and said the girl next to him had never asked if he was attached.

This was about 3 weeks ago. The 2 friends who caught him out have only made on attempt to tell her what was going on when they went round for lunch one day, and was greeted with my poor best friend swishing around in her wedding dress deliriously happy. Deep down we all know that she wouldn't believe us and would stay with him anyway.

We are all confused as to what to do next. I want to tell her, her sexual health is at risk and she is a lovely girl who doesn't deserve to be made a fool of by this man- let alone be tied down to him for years to come.

But at the same time, she won't thank us for telling her, we'll be lying, he'll worm his way out of it, she'll stay with him.

Also even if I really want to tell her, it can't come from me- as I didn't see it. It would be merely hearsay.

I hope that's not too garbled. Please help us make some light of the situation.

BerylStreep Thu 07-Mar-13 12:35:29

I would write it in a letter and hand it to her.

Emphasise that you love and care for her, and you will entirely respect any decision she makes, whatever it is. That you are only telling her out of concern, and that you wish you didn't have to.

EuroShopperEnergyDrink Thu 07-Mar-13 12:46:01

They honestly have no reason to- they're close friends in we've known them a long time, but they aren't part of a bitchy social group who go out all of the time and reason to have beef with one another

badinage Thu 07-Mar-13 12:46:47

You tell her and you do it face to face. Absolutely no anonymous letters. Those are always wrong, but are especially dangerous to send to someone whose mental health is frail.

Tell the truth and the facts as they were presented to you. Be there to support her and if you have to go back home, make sure others are looking out for her without telling them the details.

whimsicalmess Thu 07-Mar-13 13:03:10

Aw god that is awful, what a nasty bloke.

I would tell her what you know, i'm thinking why wouldn't the mates tell her? surely its better coming from them?

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 07-Mar-13 13:23:47

Can I suggest that there might just be another way around this?
Are you able to contact her fiance by phone? If so, could you perhaps call him, tell him what you know and make it clear HE'S got to tell her by such-and-such a date - and that if he doesn't, you will.
If it isn't true you should be able to tell by his reaction (you don't have to quote your sources) If it is, that leaves the issue between the two of them, where it should really be. If he refuses to tell her then you can do it with a clear conscience, saying that you did your best to keep it between just them, and also using his keeping quiet as further evidence of his awful nature

whimsicalmess Thu 07-Mar-13 13:26:37

That's a good idea actually puzzle,

badinage Thu 07-Mar-13 13:34:45

Sorry, I don't.

If this bloke was as blatant as the friends said, he's hardly going to do the right thing is he?

It's just delaying the inevitable and giving him an opportunity to cover his tracks.

BerylStreep Fri 15-Mar-13 00:07:54

Well Euro, what have you done?

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