Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

talk to me about how to go about taking parental resonsiblity off violent ex dp

(25 Posts)
Meglet Sun 24-Feb-13 09:44:37

izzy thank you. Although the last time I had to speak to a solicitor I wasn't entitled to legal aid anyway as I earnt just over the threshold. I might double check though, I was planning on using some savings.

MerryCouthyMows Sun 24-Feb-13 09:14:58

Fatgaydad - I agree with you, tbh.

However - I was trying to put it across to the OP exactly how it goes inside a family court hearing.

Believe me, been there, done that, got the t-shirt twice.

The family courts don't give two figs about cannabis use, IN FRONT OF the DC's, as long as the children's basic needs are being met.

The family courts don't give two figs about an ex partner being abusive towards the RP, if they have not been violent towards the DC (and it has to be documented violence toward the DC). And half the time, not even then.

While I agree that MORALLY, it might well be better for the DC to have no contact with their father, LEGALLY, that's EXTREMELY unlikely to happen.

Even if the NRP has been abusive towards the CHILD, they are usually granted supervised access to start with, in a contact centre, gradually moving towards unsupervised daytime access and then unsupervised overnight contact.

It is only in the most severe cases where an NRP has been EXTREMELY violent TOWARDS THE CHILD that it is likely to result in no contact.

That is the experience of me and my friends, in my town. though we DO have VERY mysoginistic judges in our town, that very often turn over main carer status to abusive men, been shown time and time again, might be different in other areas I guess.

MySonIsMyWorld Sun 24-Feb-13 09:04:42

deffo going to have a word with my solicitor as it seems that i cant remove his dp but put blocks on it at least its something...... oh god legal aid is being withdrawn??? i better get sorted!

izzyizin Sun 24-Feb-13 01:25:34

Meglet, if you have plans to speak to a solicitor 'this year' and you have reason to believe you may be entitled to legal aid, I urge you to make an appointment with a solicitor who specialises in family law as soon as possible as, come the end of March, legal aid is being withdrawn in divorce and family matters.

fatgaydad Sat 23-Feb-13 22:17:16

Just wanted to point out two things to merrycouthymows here:

1. bringing violence into a child's family and home, the very places where parents should ensure the child is completely at ease and at peace, is rightly recognised as causing severe damage to the child, and people who defend their physical abuse of their wives (or very rarely, husbands) by saying "but it's not as if I hurt my children" are suffering a frightening delusion.

2. maintaining a good relationship with two parents is almost always best for a child, but there is much evidence to show that this does not tend to apply where a parent is violent. I know this. No dad + peace is much much better than dad + violence.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 23-Feb-13 22:16:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 23-Feb-13 22:13:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madwomanacrosstheroad Sat 23-Feb-13 22:03:46

You can not take PR away. You can have it restricted by the court. With things like contact order, residence order and prohibited steps order. You need to see a solicitor.

Meglet Sat 23-Feb-13 21:50:14

Sadly I don't think you can sad.

The law puts abusive partners above the welbeing of resident parents and children angry. I had the police involved with XP and he hasn't seen the dc's in nearly 4 years yet if he turned up I'd have to fight tooth and nail to keep him at bay. Although I have vague plans to speak to a family solicitor this year to see if I can do anything, it's scary knowing he has rights when he has well and truly blown them.

RobDile197 Sat 23-Feb-13 21:46:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

izzyizin Sat 23-Feb-13 20:48:26

i know if ex did see ds he would hit him if i wasnt around to stop him.... ive stopped him punching him before...

And you've been pining over this shitbag and wanting him back? shock

Are SS aware of this? If not, I suggest you make contact on Monday to update them and also make an appointment with a solicitor who specialises in family law.

How many times have you not been around to stop this vile scumbag punching his ds?

WestieMamma Sat 23-Feb-13 20:36:11

My ex was so violent and abusive towards me that the court ruled he could have no contact and if he came near either of us he'd go to jail. They refused to take away his PR though, although they did say that he'd never be allowed to exercise them.

RobDile197 Sat 23-Feb-13 20:21:18

mablemurple, you are wrong. Common sense is crucial in all situations. There is also some advice from strangers which is worth its weight in gold. a lawyer is usually after a different kind of gold from you!

RobDile197 Sat 23-Feb-13 20:18:30

It is pure lunacy to imagine that a parent has power to revoke parenthood from their opposite. This is one of the unique afflictions most common among women. Why? The result is ALWAYS damaged kids who later turn around and hate their own mothers. Don't do it. Your kids will soon know the truth and will thank you if you never played shit games with their dad at their expense.

mablemurple Sat 23-Feb-13 19:59:49

MySon, I haven't read your other threads and I have no idea whether you can or cannot take PR from your ds's father, but please get some proper legal advice rather than rely on comments from strangers on the internet, who could be anyone.

MySonIsMyWorld Sat 23-Feb-13 19:34:16

but when social services came around (when he assualted me in front of ds)they said i could take pr easily if i wanted too.....
im really not bothered about hurting my ex but i know if ex did see ds he would hit him if i wasnt around to stop him.... ive stopped him punching him before...??

pansyflimflam Sat 23-Feb-13 19:06:24

Not in a month of Sundays. Dream on as it will never happen, n matter how justified you believe it to be. If he contests it in any way it will not happen. do not waste your time or energy on this.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 23-Feb-13 19:03:35

You can't take PR off your Ex because he has been violent towards YOU.

It's not you he has parental responsibility over!

Yes, he sounds like a twatbag of the highest order.

But that doesn't matter. He's STILL your child's father.

PR means that he has PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY for your son, as do you. It's not something YOU get a choice over - if you chose to have a child with this man, then he has PR for that child just as much as you do.

You would be up in arms if HE said he was going to take PR away from you (not that he can, he doesn't get a say in it either, you are your son's parent, he is his son's parent, end of story).

You can't punish your ex for the way he treated YOU by taking your SON away from his father.

Your son isn't a 'reward' to your ex for good behaviour, or something that you get to take away from your ex as 'punishment' for his bad behaviour! Your son is a PERSON with a right to enjoy time with both his parents. Even if one of those parents IS an abusive cockwodge towards the other.

Stop trying to use your son as a 'pawn' to play silly games with. You will leave emotional scars a mile wide. I should know, my parents did the same over me.

Grow up, put your son first, accept that he has a right to continue a relationship with his father, don't badmouth his father around him (that's what MN is for!!), don't mess with your son's head in a twisted attempt to get 'revenge' on your Ex.

Doing that won't hurt your ex. It will only hurt YOUR SON.

oldraver Sat 23-Feb-13 14:55:55

If you are worried about him not returning your DS I would seek advice from a solicitor.

If your ex is as you say he is would he actually bother going for access ? As he has been violent you can insist that he doesnt have contact with you, ie arrange for a contact centre. You need to put this all on a legal footing to protect both yourself and your DS.

You will not be able to take PR off him so stamping your foot about it will cut no ice. I would simply tell your ex he needs to go through the correct channels for access

HeySoulSister Sat 23-Feb-13 12:54:08

You dint have the right tho... You might THINK you do, but you don't

He is equal to you.... You actually have no rights over your child only responsibilities... You are being responsible. The other parent isn't. Your child is the one with the rights as per the children's act.

PR is hardly EVER removed.

MySonIsMyWorld Sat 23-Feb-13 10:39:37

I have the right to remove it because ex dp has previously put me in hospital after dropping me on my head he has been violent and threating and doesn't look after my son at all this isnt the first hehas walked out after assaulting me or smashing a tv. He smokes weed also which a reason why. Im worried if he did in future want to take ds he wouldnt bring him back hence wanting to take pr off him

HeySoulSister Sat 23-Feb-13 00:44:32

You can't remove it.... What gives you that right?

Ridiculous post!

oldraver Sat 23-Feb-13 00:11:19

I dont think you can take PR off of him, and unless he has been seriously abusive toward your son he will get contact. Yes its a pisser if he doesnt bother with your son, wanders in and out of his life etc, but thsi is something you will jsut have to deal with and help your son to deal with it

izzyizin Fri 22-Feb-13 23:50:05

This is one of your other threads: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1679292-I-carnt-take-this-shit-anymore-i-just-carnt

The fact that his df has 'not bothered' with his ds for the past couple of weeks is insufficient grounds for you make an application to revoke his parental responsibility but you may wish to consult a solicitor who specialises in family law to advise you further in this matter.

But what is this is about? Is this your way of trying to get his attention so the power play games can start up again?

Btw, I see you've started a number of threads about your ex-dp and you're best advised to keep to one so that responders are able to see the bigger picture before they take time to offer support/advice and also in order that you can have a chronicle of your progress to look back at when you start to waver and want him back.

MySonIsMyWorld Fri 22-Feb-13 21:21:29

ok, dp is a horrble man (see my other posts) not bothered with ds this time since he been gone, worried about what he will do next i want to take PR off him please tell me what happens and how x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now