Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

So he was a cocklodger. What does that say about me?

(59 Posts)
BesameBesame Sat 09-Feb-13 20:35:21

I'm staring another thread because I've come to the conclusion he was a cocklodger. I googled it. He fits the description almost to a tee.

No wonder he went so easily. He must have been waiting daily for me to get a grip and kick him out. And he had the nerve to say my timing was bad, he'd got nowhere to go and no worldly goods to show.

FFS! I need to rant some…..

Flojobunny Sat 09-Feb-13 23:06:33

Well its been 2 years since MNers told me my DP was a cocklodger and to LTB, for once I listened and packed his bags. He still pesters me now saying he misses me and wants to come back. I don't reply cos he isn't worth the simple effort to text. All he misses is someone to fetch n carry for him.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 09-Feb-13 23:10:59

I had a cocklodger a few years ago. I keep him on my fb purely so that I can keep tabs on his DD's, who I loved to pieces (though the older of the two fb friended me of her own accord a couple of years ago, the younger isn't old enough yet.)

He split up with well, got kicked out by yet another girlfriend earlier on this week, I saw all the woe is me posts on fb, and thought "I wonder how long it will take him to message me when he hasn't messages since his last split 9 months ago...".

The answer was 11 minutes. grin

I sniggered as I read his message. I sent back a response that said "You are so predictable you make me laugh. You are so convinced that you are God's gift to women that you thought I would come running the minute you messaged me. Which is even funnier because I knew you were going to because you have been kicked out again, by yet another woman. When will you realise that you don't have a whole host of mental Ex's, and that it's your behaviour that means that you can't keep a relationship for more than a few months?"

His response? "I was only trying to be polite".

Hahahahahahaha.

Now your cocklodger radar is tuned in, be sure to use it!

BesameBesame Sat 09-Feb-13 23:30:46

I am wondering. Is there a school for cocklodgers somewhere?

From whence do they come? Mine is back at his DM's. He's middle aged FFS!!!

Mine won't pester me I am pretty sure of that. He knows he's been rumbled even if he acts the victim. grin

SoleSource Sat 09-Feb-13 23:59:21

They are nstural scammets/conmen. Difficult for me to comprehend how people like tnat sleep at night. But takes all sorts. Somebody even more skilled in conning others shall cross their path one day and leave the people who.conbed us much worse off.

zippey Sun 10-Feb-13 00:26:21

What is the female equivelent? A Fannylodger?

They say it takes one to know one!

Monty27 Sun 10-Feb-13 00:39:05

Zippey ? confused

Besame, I didn't broach mine about money either, I used another reason.

Strange isn't it.

kalidanger Sun 10-Feb-13 10:48:53

I'm another one who didn't mention the money when I got rid of mine hmm It is strange. There's a script for them, same as for adulterers etc, and we follow it too. It just gets too much and becomes utterly pointless, and off they go. Without much of a whimper.

I posted on another thread and I'd never find it again but it was about how it's so nice to be generous, it's a (selfish?!) pleasure to be generous and cook and take to the cinema and mooch about doing whatever one fancies with one's partner and where's the harm in that? But then gradually becomes apparent it's a one-way street and nothing ever happens if it means them having to be 'generous'. There's a confusing period where you end up not doing anything/going anywhere because you're not paying and they're not paying either... You're staying in, in winter, paying for all the heating and that's when all the little 'aha!' moments start to happen and you lose sight of the remote control and start waking up grin

Well, that was my experience biscuit Mine laid it on very thick with having no where to go and I listened to the voicemail then deleted it, hung up on him next time he called from a different number and have had a ton of missed calls since. I think he's got the message now.

littlemisssarcastic Sun 10-Feb-13 10:55:11

I wonder what makes cocklodgers so entitled too besame.

In my xp's case, I think most of it was his complete and utter lack of respect for women, coupled with few opportunities to strike out on his own without the help of a woman who already had her own place, along with finding himself in a situation when he was quite young that he was homeless.

The only way he was going to find a roof over his head was to A, get together with a woman who already had a place, or B, rent a grotty bedsit and be alone.

He chose A (obviously or he wouldn't have been a cocklodger) and has continued to go from woman to woman ever since.

Of course, living with a woman doesn't make you a cocklodger, I know, but with xp viewing women as nothing more than a domestic appliance, having no respect for them coupled with a huge sense of entitlement to any money he earnt, it's not difficult to see how he ended up being a cocklodger.

So the sense of entitlement, the lack of respect, and not having the means or more importantly the desire to live alone and pay his own way = cocklodger imo.

Where did he learn his huge sense of entitlement? lack of respect for women? that women are grateful for a man? that women don't deserve to be treated as equals? That's a good question.

Where do men learn this? Society? Parents? Is it in their nature from the moment they're born? Peers?
Perhaps it is a combination of all of these, yet it in no way excuses them, not at all, and is just a theory.

kalidanger Sun 10-Feb-13 10:55:15

I am celebrating by posting my dubious wisdom on any other thread that'll have me tonight, secure in the knowledge that 1. cocklodger won't make stupid comments about feminist lesbian man-haters, and 2. He can't search my lappy history. Stupid man.

And this has been an enormous pleasure to see, girlfriend! I'm the same again. I have a Successful Mumsnet Episode under my belt so I'm all over the place, laying down my wiseness for all to see grin

wine

As for searching your laptop - first thing I did after removing mine CL was take the passcode lock off my phone angry Why oh why did I need to do that?? Wtf? I don't think it's a massive failing of ours. We woke up, it wasn't forever, we're not posting about 15 years doing all the housework while he watches TV and not having access to the joint account. You can't see into the fucking future when you get together with someone. But you can see what's all around you... and LTB.

<stretches> Aaaah smile

kalidanger Sun 10-Feb-13 10:58:58

littlemisssarcastic Me and mine had vast cultural differences, which makes what you say absolutely correct, but in a slightly different way. Not yer classic pathetic manchild but entitled in other ways. He was also extremely handsome and could therefore get himself into these situations with ease.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 10-Feb-13 11:47:12

I occasionally, over a glass of wine, think that the world is crying out for a kind of TripAdvisor or Ebay rating system for available men.... warn future women he may come into contact with. smile (Or it may exist... old gimmer... knows nothing)

kalidanger Sun 10-Feb-13 11:58:31

I'm dying to post a pic of EX - to stealth boast about his hotness plus as very serious warning to other women <ahem> hmm

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Feb-13 12:05:57

Cogito, I planned to start up a site doing just that and was advised by lawyers not to as there was no way of telling whether people were telling the truth. A couple of years later, a similar site started up in the USA, called www.don'tdatehimgirl.com. I was too scared to go ahead but that seems to be doing well.

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Feb-13 12:06:32

It's a bit Jeremy Kyle in practice, I think!

BeforeAndAfter Sun 10-Feb-13 12:07:36

Thus far I've dodged the cocklodger bullet - just. My personal rules are now that any lucky bastard that gets within sniffing distance of me must live alone, must have a social life and we either go halves on nights out or take it in turns to pay.

I've got too close to two men who lived with Mum and Dad (with plausible reasons that I fell for). So no monkeys for me - you know, the type that only let go of their current branch and swing to yours when they know they've got a good grip on you.

BesameBesame Sun 10-Feb-13 13:48:26

I've learned from this experience (to answer an earlier poster's question) that my ability to be patient with people generally, can be a weakness when embroiled with a CL.

Thus, for months I waited for the promised 'jam'. During that time he didn't work, didn't look for work ("won't leave the house for some minimum wage shit job") TURNED DOWN work, borrowed money (not from me), failed to open mail which he knew were his outstanding bills - had all kinds of idiotic business ideas, oh you know the script.

Anyhoo, by the time the 'jam' appeared - and it has - I've had enough. I could see the future and it wasn't good ,well not for me any way.

I don't feel like a twit though. As you say kali we can't see the future and can only go on the here and now to tell us what's up. And mine won't have any trouble whatsoever in finding another - he too is very good-looking and for a while will be able to flash the cash around. Til it runs out. wink

OneMoreGo Sun 10-Feb-13 13:59:22

I've always thought that Clitlodger had a nice ring, for a woman I mean. grin And well done OP! Congrats on seeing the light.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 10-Feb-13 16:33:41

"was advised by lawyers"

Yes I realise - even with a wine - that it is a complete non-starter legally. smile Although I saw an idea for a different kind of dating site recently which sort of combines social media with introductions... meaning you're getting together with someone that is already known to your acquaintances rather than (the thing that scares me right off dating sites) chancing your arm with some random stranger on whom you have zero background information beyond what they choose to tell you.

BesameBesame Sun 10-Feb-13 20:21:24

He came to get his stuff. This is not unbelievable to those with eyes wide open.

But all sorry for himself, he got some shit together whilst i felt quite sorry for him (made him a cup of tea) and was wondering whether to say that we could keep in touch in the future, when this happened:

My lovely DD who was being very nice to CL got a call from her DF with the sad news that her PGF has died. She went to pieces. I said (wryly) to CL "well you certainly know how to walk into a situation" and he said:

"yep and i'm walking straight out of one too". Without so much as a glance in DD's direction he said he was loading up his car, as he went out the front door he said "byeee" in a false tone and was gone.

So - my DD's loss overshadowed his grand 'poor me' exit.

I am so glad I'm not hurting over him. Have had RL friend round who brought Champagne and 'good for you' wishes.

Never again.

izzyizin Sun 10-Feb-13 20:25:28

What a charmer - and what a shame he wasn't the one who joined the choir immortal today.

Your poor dd - save some of that champers to toast her PGF, bless his soul.

BesameBesame Sun 10-Feb-13 20:48:51

Thank you izzy. DD had lots of cuddles and tears and we talked about her PGF.

As she left to go back to college (her way of coping with these things) she mentioned CL's response. "What a knobbish way to behave" was her judgment.

Knobbish indeed . Indeed.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Feb-13 20:56:54

indeed.

Nothing more to say really x

izzyizin Sun 10-Feb-13 21:06:13

'my DD's loss overshadowed his grand 'poor me' exit'

No it wasn't. The insincere skank slunk out in much the same way he slunk in which is not worthy of note.

Whereas your dd's PGF was known for his sincerity and made his exit with dignity.

BesameBesame Sun 10-Feb-13 21:27:26

have just burned all his 'business' cards on the fire grin

deleted his number and all texts etc. am just about to do the same on email.

His EX called him a knob recently. She was absolutely right.

SoleSource Sun 10-Feb-13 23:48:50

What is PGF?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now