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Both of us separated but one more so than the other...WWYD

(11 Posts)
readybrekkie Wed 30-Jan-13 17:10:17

I am separated from dh. Due to money reasons, we are both still in the same house though he is moving out the end of the month. Things are still amicable between us and we have 3 older children.

I have met and am seeing someone else, who is also separated and also due to financial reasons, is living with his wife and children. Him and his wife are both on facebook and both don't describe themselves as married to each other.

My issue is that he may be far less separated than me. Dh and I have both accepted that the relationship is over and are on friendly terms. Though new man did not tell me at first, I am getting the creeping suspicion that his wife is not all together happy with the separation - there have been a few friends of his who have mentioned this to me though in the same breath have said that her ideal situation is to have a divorce but she is not sure practically how this will be achieved.

it is, I think, none of my business but on the other hand, I like to think of myself as an 'honest' person and do not want to be involved with someone where I might be causing additional pain or where the situation is not as honest and open as I think it might be (from my side, I have no concerns about this).

My head is telling me to walk away till his and her issues have been resolved but my heart has started falling for this man and says look give him a break, you are in a similar situation and in all honesty, I am starting to meet more and more people who are having trouble running 2 households in the current financial climate and end living together longer than they want to until they have money for a deposit on a new rental place etc. (which is what happened with us). Of course in the ideal situation you'd wait to start anything before you leave but sometimes that just isn't practical.....

what do you think? am I being a fool?

Lovingfreedom Wed 30-Jan-13 17:28:52

Does his wife know about you?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 30-Jan-13 17:52:18

I think you should give this man a wide berth. People in your situation are comparatively rare whereas 'my wife doesn't understand me' is one of the oldest lines in the book. I think you should listen to your head on this occasion. If he respects you, he'll find you again when he's properly free.

kalidanger Wed 30-Jan-13 17:55:41

Your DH is leaving in a month and you'll both be free. When are your bf and his XW free? Is it due soon?

deleted203 Wed 30-Jan-13 18:01:09

Is it possible to speak to her on the phone? I would be tempted to tell him that you do need to speak with her, simply to say that you are seeing her husband and wish to make sure that they are actually separated as you do not wish to be seeing a married man behind his wife's back.

nefertarii Wed 30-Jan-13 18:06:20

I would call her to ask if they are separated.

You either take his word for or you don't.

TBH I wouldn't be getting involved unless he has a clear plan and timescale (short one) of when he is moving.

Also please be aware I never had my marital status on facebook neither did dh. So facebook doesn't prove anything.

nefertarii Wed 30-Jan-13 18:07:20

Sorry forgot to add, I am not sure i would get involved even if there is a plan.

nefertarii Wed 30-Jan-13 18:07:56

Crap My first post should say

I wouldn't call her to ask if they are separated

Charbon Wed 30-Jan-13 18:27:16

Assuming your husband is also aware of the OM, I'd give his wife a ring to check this out.

readybrekkie Wed 30-Jan-13 18:32:23

Thanks. I think you are right and I should follow my head on this one. Sigh. Why is life always so bleeding complicated! Can't someone just present me with a nice uncomplicated man who loves me and me him fgs ;)

Think I will stay single for a bit and just focus on the kids and work for a while!

meddie Wed 30-Jan-13 18:38:49

Personally I would take a step back, if only for the reason that its really soon after his separation and I found from personal experience that dating people so soon after a split wasn't that great, still loads of emotional issues/baggage floating around.
The ones I met either came on real strong then cacked there pants and ran like hell or just blew hot and cold all the time. Maybe I was unlucky but it seemed like a pattern that was repeated a few times, until I took the conscious decision not to date anyone who was within a year of their split (for my own sanity). This may be unfair on those who are ok and sorted but it was just too common an occurrence for me to be willing to go through.

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