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What do you and DH talk about?

(32 Posts)

Dh and I have been together for 10 years, married for about 7, had DC1 nearly 3 years ago. Marriage suffered a bit but hopefully things are in the right track now.

We rarely go out by ourselves but when it happens i feel I don't know what tp talk about. I don't watch films or series anymore, and DH still does. He loves games, I don't.

I end up talking about DCs, plans for the future... It feels i don't have anything interesting to say. (we used to be able to talk for hours...)

Does it happen to you too? If not, what do you talk about? I need some inspiration... smile

Noren, that's amazing! smile

I used to have silly conversations like with DH, hope we get back in shape one day. Or maybe I should ask him about the helium-filled gym ball and see how he reacts...

Drownangels looks like you have a lot of fun together smile

drownangels Tue 29-Jan-13 12:19:06

I have been with DH for 22 years and we have 2 teenage kids.
He is 50 and I am 47.
Soooooo, our conversations
How's work going - the good, the bad and the funny!
Where the kids are and what they are doing.
Who is on taxi duty!

Fun stuff
What films shall we go and see
What gigs are coming up.
Anything on at the theatre we fancy
Plans for time off - what walks, mountain bike rides shall we do.
News from friends.
What new music is out.
What books we are reading- has it been adapted to a film or play blah blah blah.
Daft stuff, silly jokes and nonsense.
nostalgic stuff Remember when kind of talks. The clubs we went to, bands we have seen- who was good and who was shite and why!
Travel plans - real and fantasy plans!
I read stuff out from FB

There's always stuff to talk about but the best question he asks me is 'Fancy a drink' just as the 10 o'clock news comes on!! grin

Noren Tue 29-Jan-13 11:25:14

Alright, beat this: last night we talked about whether, if you filled a gym ball with helium, a pigeon would be able to carry it and attempted to work it out using very sleepy Maths.

SparkyDudess Mon 28-Jan-13 11:55:05

erm...DS, work (we work in the same industry for different companies but he employs a number of ex-colleagues of mine, and quite often one of his guys will be part of one of my projects), sorting the house out, sex (usually as in 'one day we'll both be fit rather than one or the other of us constantly being ill'), his family, my family (but that usually ends up with me upset), general gossip, what's in the news (last night's discussion included DS and was about the proposed revision to the US gun laws). Anything and everything really, we're both quite opinionated.

Having said all that...I felt like the world's most boring woman when DS was small and I was at home. I felt I had nothing to say of any interest (other than whatever fascinating thing I'd seen on Richard and Judy that day), and that was because I did nothing for myself, it was all about DS.

HandbagCrab Mon 28-Jan-13 11:36:34

I find a good place to have conversations is in the car having a drive for an hour or so.

It doesn't seem right that your leisure time is sleeping and his is watching what he wants and playing what he wants. If you did less in the house and he did more would that help? He can't bf and he probably shouldn't do night wakings during the working week if you can help it but he can do everything else smile

A good compromise technique I read is that rather than find something you both like to watch/ eat/ do is to take it in turns to both choose something you like. Then someone is always happy (but the other person has to go along with it).

It's sad he cannot let you talk about your story ideas. Perhaps you could say you both need to let each other talk about the things you are interested in without critisicing whether that be story writing or call of duty.

Kione Mon 28-Jan-13 10:52:13

we went through a rough patch where I was on the brink of leaving because I felt we dudnt have anithing in common and wr didnt talk. Now everyday after we put DD in bed at 7.30 the tv and internet go off until 9. Then we try and watch something together, we record things, when we planned it I thought it was going to feel forced but it doesnt, I love it! specially on Fridays when we also open a bottle of wine, really look forward to it now.smile
We talk about work, things to do in the house, events coming up, future plans, memories, news...

Wow, I'm impressed how much you people talk about sex! smile That's an activity I remember vaguely...

I would love to talk silly (the silly LTB scenarios sound fun) but I think you need to be in a really good relationship for it to happen, and as I said, we've had a few bad years and are just starting to get along again.

While DH watches stuff and play games I try to sleep! (and feed the baby as needed). To be honest, I don't even fake an interest about his films and games. I don't bother about most of them (I resent him enjoying this stuff... He gave up trying to convince me to watch stuff but i always prefer to try to sleep).

Re the writng, he's not young (nearly 40) but he doesn't like the 'thinking about scenarios for stories.' And he wants me to write the things, instead of talking about them!

I don't think any of them is very happy at the moment (too tired, too busy), but I don't know how to make things better.

TheDetective Mon 28-Jan-13 09:53:59

We also have a 2 month old, but we still talk about the above things I mentioned.

Last night for example, our bed time talk consisted of us making up AIBU threads, and various leave the bastard topics! We rolled around laughing almost waking the baby getting more and more ridiculous.

Conversation doesn't need to be sensible - make it silly! It's more fun this way smile

badguider Mon 28-Jan-13 09:41:19

ok so you've got a 2mo baby, fair enough that you don't have much time for hobbies but why don't you watch films or tv together at all anymore? What do you do while feeding? In evenings? And what about planning hobbies/activities for when lo is slightly older... DH and I talk about plans for trips, days out, holidays (not expensive - camping), sports we do, his work, my work... we use V+ to record a few programmes each week and watch them when we have time together, we share stuff from magazines and books and the internet....

HandbagCrab Mon 28-Jan-13 09:36:22

Do you get a break? What are you doing when your dh is watching stuff and playing games?

Me and dh talk about anything and everything, though the conversation is probably quite dull to anyone else listening in smile Sometimes we are tired and we don't talk much but it's a companionable silence when we do.

HecateWhoopass Mon 28-Jan-13 09:20:07

Everything. Been married 14 years. 15 in a couple of months.

politics, current affairs, tv, the kids, friends and family, hypothetical situations (we can go toe to toe on whether or not we'll tell anyone if we win the lottery grin ) It's fun to take opposing positions on something and argue it out. Like our own private debating society grin, plans for the future, business, mundane household stuff, whether there's life on other planets, why other people are so weird wink

we also play like a couple of 5 year olds blush

Noren Mon 28-Jan-13 09:11:25

It sounds like you need some leisure time, although it's hard with young children - is he doing his share of housework and childcare so you can both have some time for yourselves?

We often talk about the DVD series we are watching together, stuff we've read online, sex (things we've liked, things we would like/goals), plans for the house/DIY/garden. If we run out of things to say we play board games - there are lots of interesting ones available now like Fluxx orCitadels. We talk about places we'd like to visit, holidays we'd like to go on one day, current issues. And we talk silly a lot.

BirdyBedtime Mon 28-Jan-13 09:09:55

Hi OP - it's inevitable that when you have DCs that your conversation will, to a degree, revolve around them and you shouldn't feel bad about that. If you are at home with a very small DC to be honest there isn't much else to talk about, but that will change as you start to do more with your DC.

When DH and I ever have a spare minute and don't have to talk about the DCs then we tend to chat about food, work, stuff that's in the news, plan holidays, gossip about friends/acquaintences/family and at the moment our planned extension.

You mentioned things you used to talk about before the DCs came along - it sounds like you had plenty to talk about so maybe try to start some of that again on a small scale? If there are money worries might it be worth having an upfront conversation about those to get it off the agenda so that you can talk freely about other things?

Flisspaps Mon 28-Jan-13 09:03:07

The kids. His work. MN.

I'm looking forward to going back out to work and having actual stuff to talk about!

CuriousMama Mon 28-Jan-13 09:02:21

Not liking him 'criticising all your ideas' hmm Is he quite young? Sounds a bit one sided if he can chat about his interests but not you yours? Could he be envious of your talent for writing?

Dp and I talk about mutual interests plus our own separate ones. People we both know. Our allotment, my art, our families. Holidays, trips away, food, movies. Sex.

You must really have your hands full with a new baby and toddler? Does your dh help out a lot?

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 28-Jan-13 08:54:46

What do you both do in your spare time? Me and the current boyfriend have very different interests... mine's music and his is motorbikes!... which we pursue independently. When we get together that's often a good start of a conversation. Other than that, current affairs keep us going quite well - politics, scandals & especially any interesting murder cases. (Makes us sound like the Addams family, doesn't it?)

I've always believed - others don't agree - that the strongest partnerships are those where people still maintain separate interests and don't do everything together. It ensures you are still you, and not just 'mum' or 'dad' or 'husband' or 'wife'. It also means you should always have something to talk about.

Thanks a lot you all, I had never thought about it before, until it started to be a problem. We have a 2month DC, so I'm not doing much apart from DC and house chores.

As we are concerned about money, talking about the future ends up stressing me.

The only thing I do is try to write, but although DH is supportive, I think he finds it boring and criticizes all my ideas (he's fine if I show him a finished short story for ex, but hates discussing ideas forstories, and I end up angry with his comments, so it's better not to talk about it)

We used to have loads of private jokes, and quote films and so on all time, like someone mentioned here.

I think we're findind each other boring. Or maybe I am finding both of us boring. Maybe i'm having too high expectations considering we have a toddler and a newborn.

AnyFucker Mon 28-Jan-13 01:06:22

kids, money, kids, money, sex, what so-and-so said at work, what do you fancy for tea, kids, money, sex, kids, money, MIL, kids, money, MIL, politics, kids, money, kids, money, sex

I sense a theme smile

MrsMushroom Mon 28-Jan-13 01:02:07

we talk about theatre a lot and plans for the future...artistic ones mainly. Sometimes we talk about what DIY we'd like to do...or we gossip about friends. blush Speculate on other people's relationships sometimes. double blush

We also talk about diet and food and we're currently wondering about becoming vegitarian.

TheDetective Mon 28-Jan-13 00:51:42

Yes, we are on our respective phones, reading, then talking to each other about what we have read!

Oh we talk far too much crap chewing. I dread to think what people would think if they heard us. There is no such thing as political correctness in this house. blush

chewingguminmyhair Mon 28-Jan-13 00:48:47

TheDetective - I'm glad someone else chats crap! DP like to think of ourselves as vaguely smart (modest too) but we do talk utter bollocks a lot - Made up words, silly accents, sing song talking, taking the piss... I'm probably at my happiest when we're talking crap, skipping round the kitchen and being Stoopid with each other.

chewingguminmyhair Mon 28-Jan-13 00:46:06

Think she means both reading mumsnet on their phones smile

mirry2 Mon 28-Jan-13 00:43:50

Thedetective, wha do you mean when you say you chat on phones? Is that to eah other? Are you in diferent rooms/houses?

TheDetective Mon 28-Jan-13 00:42:36

We often talk about past things we have done. Silly times we have shared.

Or DP will say something, like 'word to your mother' and i'll say 'brotherfucker' and then we'll laugh about the stupid film we watched, and go over bits in it.

Erm, we talk about previous shags, which were good?!

Also, when we met etc.

Reminding each other of the good times.

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