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DH gone - for the night?

(78 Posts)
MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:03:25

Am in the aftermath of DH's affair. It lasted 6 weeks, he says. I was heavily pregnant and it has been horrendous to deal with. Can't link as on phone.

Anyway, today we have rowed by text while he's been at work and I've told him we'd be better off apart tonight. Both snappy and tired, due to 5 week old DS. Plus DH Is giving up smoking. Fighting about the affair will just be made into something massive.

He has taken it really badly and is furious with me. He says he won't come home tonight. I'm guessing he's stopping at a mates house or his mums.

We have been getting on really well. More and better communication. He has been vending over backwards in every way really.

Today I was in a shit mood and he asked me what was up. I told him, in no uncertain terms. Probably not a good idea while he's at work, but I didn't see why I should hold it in. It escalated and I said if we were both so pissed off we shouldn't be with each other tonight.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me wants to call him and ask him to come home. Part pf me is glad he's not coming home.

PulyaSochsup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:08:51

I am so sorry this has happened to you. You must be feeling rotten, dealing with all this and a new baby. Not much advice really, except concentrate on your gorgeous newborn for now. My DH did something like this and I missed all the bonding and snuggles with my DS, I was just fiercely protective. Try to rest if you can smile

PulyaSochsup Wed 09-Jan-13 18:10:58

Also, it's quite normal to feel angry, try not to over analyse your feelings too much.

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:15:29

APOLOGISE.

U were in a bad mood u say, u rowed by text when he's at work. Unfortunately this time ur BU so suck it up and say sorry. U can't always be right. He had an affair and it appears he's trying to make amends. It screwed up today, but u say u were in a shit mood and used him as punch bag.

Don't ruin what u are saving. U were doing well, like a diet - start again.

TisILeclerc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TisILeclerc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:16:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleoftheFall Wed 09-Jan-13 18:18:19

I wouldn't call him up and ask him to come home, because it would just be an evening of arguing and stress. At five weeks post-partum that wouldn't be good for you: take some time for yourself, relax, watch a movie/tv show or read a book...even if you can't focus completely on it, it could still help to distract yourself from everything.

You need space.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:22:47

Thanks everyone.

LaC - I want to apologise, or at least hold out the olive branch, but just don't see why I should.

Am on sofa with all 3 DC at the mo, watching Spongebob smile
Just text DH to ask where he's stopping. He's not sure at the mo, he says.

My friend night pop round in a bit she says, for a cuppa and to watch tv and whinge.

I love him more than anyone else in the world. He's everything to me and I couldn't bear to lose him. We WERE doing well, but things are always going to be hard at time. Especially as I see the OW all the time at school.

Will try and mend things tomo, if he's willing, I guess.

Numberlock Wed 09-Jan-13 18:22:54

I presume you weren't able to ask him to move out, even if temporarily, at the time due to being heavily pregnant? Would that be possible now? Sounds like you need some time and space to think things through.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:23:55

I wasn't able to ask him to move out because not only was I pregnant, but I had a debilitating condition which meant I was on headrest for most of my last trimester. Classy guy eh?

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:24:15

bed rest!!

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:24:46

Hahaha that typo has just made me laugh for the first time today!

AnyFucker Wed 09-Jan-13 18:26:11

Were things going well because you were walking on eggshells and keeping your gob shut about the way he has shit on you and your little family ?

And now you have said some home truths, off he fucks

lovely

dequoisagitil Wed 09-Jan-13 18:30:47

It's very early days after an affair and for him to do it at such a time makes it worse. You're bound to be all over the place hormonally apart from anything else, and you're entitled to your anger - and to express it.

A night apart could be a good thing, and he's being stupid to think that just because you got through the first few weeks it wouldn't come back to bite him in the arse. It's not something you get over quickly, if you do.

arthriticfingers Wed 09-Jan-13 18:30:54

Actually, I think you hit the tosser nail on the head
Headrest is just what you need - from him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 18:31:42

Agree with AF. If he was shagging around in your 3rd trimester and the baby is only 5 weeks old then his 'bending over backwards' act didn't last long did it? Reverted to type pretty quickly. Forget olive branches, this nasty man is a waste of skin.

Viviennemary Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:04

He is the one who is massively in the wrong. So you shouldn't be the one feeling guilty. I don't think you should call him and ask him to come home tonight. And if you can try and avoid arguing by text whilst he is at work.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:57

I caught him 27 days before we had DS2.

To be fair, him going tonight was my idea and he isn't happy about it. He didn't just fuck off.

I do love him, it's just very hard some days.

badinage Wed 09-Jan-13 18:33:59

Apologise?

Has this site gone mad?

You've got nothing to apologise for!!

You're angry. Angry's good. You bloody well should be angry FFS.

The measure of a bloke who's really sorry is that he'll take all that anger on the chin and accept it, not run away.

This just shows he hasn't changed at all.

This up to him to mend, not you.

MummyIsMagic79 Wed 09-Jan-13 18:34:52

AF and Cog - think you were both on my original thread. She is/was my friend.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 09-Jan-13 18:36:25

Making him go was the best idea you've had this year....!!

OwlLady Wed 09-Jan-13 18:40:56

so he had an affair whilst you were pregnant and you now have a new baby and he is furious with you because you are angry with him? confused I mean how unreasonable of you

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:44:39

I suppose the question is did u pick the fight? And why?

I totally get the pissed offness with affair. I'm with u on that. And I don't expect u to not be angry about it that would be weird. But if u are both trying and u are genuinely wanting to make it work u see that bringing an arguement up while he's at work isn't a good idea?

It's not nec ur point but your timing. And him having an affair doesn't give u automatic right to being right. If u feel before the affair u would have apologised for this row/topic, then do so now. Don't just not apologise because he did an affair. That's skewy logic. As I say kinda depends what it was about/started it.

MadAboutHotChoc Wed 09-Jan-13 18:45:06

Blimey that didn't last long did it?

bet he thought that as long as he said some pretty words, cried a few tears, did some chores then all will be forgiven hmm

He fails to get it sad

the fact that he betrayed you in the WORST way possible when you were at a very vulnerable stage of your life i,e heavily pregnant, and with your friend FFS.

He SHOULD be helping you recover - taking all the shit and crap as you process your emotions and believe me you will still feel angry, sad and upset for much longer.

Instead he has a strop hmm

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 18:55:05

Sorry but I didn't see in the post that this arguement was nec about the affair? Was it something else that got out of hand? That's what I'm assuming presently. Don't need to know what. U will still argue sometimes. We all do, affairs or not.

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