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Why do I act so mental around men I like?? (possibly long)

(39 Posts)
HeartShapedSaw Mon 07-Jan-13 16:21:45

Im pretty normal (I think!) and as soon as I am in a relationship with someone Im quite a relaxed girlfriend, dont expect constant contact, in fact I prefer a fair amount of space and have no problem with seeing someone two or three times a week etc.

However, I seem to have developed a very uncool attitude to new men. I dont know why I do it! Its possible I have trust issues etc from bad 3yr relationship with ex, but not that Im aware of..

Anyway, Ill give you an example. I met a guy, we went on a date, the date was lovely, we text for a few days, he was telling me he really liked me etc. Then he cancelled our second date on the morning of it, saying his mum was ill or something similarly vague. I text him saying ok thats fine. Then crazy me kicked in and I asked him if he was politely blowing me off. To which he said no, no he would see me soon.

Then, nothing for a week. So I text him today (crazy me again) and just asked him to thank his friend again for me (he had done me a favour the day after I met them). I was genuinely just being nice, I assumed he had decided to take it no further with me so I was just passing on my thanks. But then he asked me if I wanted to go out again soon. I said yes.

But Im confused a little now. I know everyone I know would have told me not to text him today, and I know I shouldnt have accused him of trying to blow me off coz he cancelled one date! So what the hell is up with me? Anyone else behave like a nutter??

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:00:52

I think you are going to have to accept that words and phrases are just part of the vernacular of our speech. Which is obviously different from disablist language screeched at children with special needs to abuse and intimidate them.

MrsWolowitz Thu 10-Jan-13 19:07:30

Not so long ago mong retard and spaz were part of the vernacular of our speech. They weren't just screeched at children with SN but were used in est. "oh I'm such a spaz", "don't be such a retard", "shes such a mong".

Thankfully these words are now very rarely used in such frequency.

Its a shame MH is still a free-for-all to use derogatory terms for fun.

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:13:14

No they weren't. They have always been terms of abuse. They aren't in any pop songs, for example. I think you are mistaken to lump all these words in the same category.

shine0ncrazydiamond Thu 10-Jan-13 19:14:14

Do you want people to tiptoe around you mrsW ? Scared to say the word ' batshit ? '

Or do you want to be treated normally - as a person who just so happens to have an illness ?

MrsWolowitz Thu 10-Jan-13 19:16:47

I wasn't aware that being in a pop song was what made a word ok or not.

They absolutley were used in the way that I gave in my examples.

Either way I'm not mentally strong enough to carry on with this conversation as I'm finding it upsetting. I guess I'm too much of a mental nutter what with my depression shitting all over me for me to continue.

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:23:54

I'm sure a court of law might not accept the pop song test, but as an informal measure and mark of our culture, it is fine as an example, yes. Bonkers and crazy are words in common usage, deemed inoffensive by the majority of people. Hence pop songs that use them, for example, would be unlikely to inspire a twitter campaign to boycott them. Whereas some of the other terms you mention would clearly have a large number of people up in arms. Words like spaz etc have never held that commonly-acceptable status, even if people wishing to be derogatory or abusive have used them. I'm not sure I understand why you don't see the difference?

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:26:22

I'm sorry you feel upset, obviously, and hope you start to feel better soon. I can't agree with you on whether some of the terms you are offended by should be expunged from everyday speech though. Good luck back at work.

MrsWolowitz Thu 10-Jan-13 19:28:32

Thank you BOF. I'm looking forward to going back (I think).

I'm terrified of having those words said about me though. Terrified.

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:32:34

I don't they will, you know. People tend to use them in humour about perfectly normal behaviour, referring to themselves a lot of the time. They don't really get used by your averagely polite person to actually talk about/at people with MH issues. I hope work goes well tomorrow- keep us posted how you get on? smile

HeartShapedSaw Thu 10-Jan-13 20:01:03

OK, firstly, Im sorry if I offended anyone with my language, I didnt think. And I know that gay is a crap word to use, I never use it! Dont know what came over me!

Whoever said, maybe the guy is in another relationship/dating loads of other girls so I should give him a break - what? I dont want to be with someone like that! If thats the case he can eff off anyway.

Also, yes I know he has his own life. All i was trying to establish is whether i should wait around (not literally) for another text or whether i should delete him number and forget about him. We only had one date, I hardly know him, but i also dont appreciate being told one thing and then just ignored.

I have put it all to bed now anyway, he is done with!

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 20:09:42

Probably for the best. It doesn't make you feel great when you feel like you have to pester someone for their attention.

FeelingGreen Thu 10-Jan-13 20:10:10

Op - you know what to do- no more texts! (Much harder said than done though! I may have just today sent a text I should have stopped myself sending blush)

Re the words used, agree with theBOF, I use words like crazy, bonkers etc about silly things done by normal people. I would never speak unkindly about someone with mental health issues. I have struggled with anorexia, depression and had a nervous breakdown in the past. I actually think highly of people fighting mental health problems and truly admire those with the courage to speak openly about them.

Greer123 Fri 11-Jan-13 15:12:58

"Whoever said, maybe the guy is in another relationship/dating loads of other girls so I should give him a break - what? I dont want to be with someone like that! If thats the case he can eff off anyway"

Ah, there's your problem right there. He takes you out to dinner ONCE and now you think you own him, to the exclusion of all others.

I've got two grown-up sons. They take girls out to dinner, but all it means is "I like you and I'd like to get to know you better". But girls often seem to think it means "I'm falling in love with you and I've lost all interest in other women".

Internet dating doesn't assume exclusive dinner dating, nor does speed dating, nor singles dating? You get to know people better over a dinner, or a few dinners and then maybe a relationship takes off and gets deeper and becomes exclusive. This works better for women anyway, because we waste less time with guys that turn out to be jerks.

HeartShapedSaw Sat 12-Jan-13 12:29:12

When did I say I thought I had exclusive rights to him!

Jesus. I just don't want to date someone who dates multiple women at the same time. He may have only been on one date with me, but what about the others? He might be 4, 9 or more dates in and I don't think its ever acceptable to lie to someone you're supposed to like.

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