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arguments and late periods

(37 Posts)
illbeinthesky Fri 04-Jan-13 21:33:51

Me and my bf have a lot of arguments and I've started having later periods. We don't have sex, waiting until marriage, besides we have too much physical distance between us. I also started taking this ap class but I can't pen point when my periods started coming late. Are our arguments the cause or the class? Also second question ladies, he likes to talk on the phone with me late at night but I would like to do it much earlier like in the day or early night. I understand he wants his man time, but how do I get day phone conversations without seeming like an overbearing gf?

mathanxiety Wed 09-Jan-13 06:04:31

Are you relieved to be still together?

What are you getting out of this relationship if the answer to that one is yes?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 08-Jan-13 22:37:38
freeandhappy Tue 08-Jan-13 22:32:26

Does anyone have a link to the red flags or listen up? Please read up about warning signs in relationships OP. the more you know the better you will be able to make good choices.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 08-Jan-13 22:11:06

If he doesn't agree that he is jealous he's saying that the way he treats you is justified. Why set yourself up for another falling out and more punishment from this 'cool' moron?

illbeinthesky Tue 08-Jan-13 22:07:08

Well we talked yesterday, texted, and I said everything on my mind. He didn't agree that he was jealous this. Still together. So that's just it. But when it comes to calling me there'll probably be a falling out. And no I don't talk to my parents about him really. And friends they think he's cool.

mathanxiety Tue 08-Jan-13 06:44:39

Well done. That is a good first step.

Do you ever talk with your parents about this relationship?
What do your friends think of this person?

foolonthehill Mon 07-Jan-13 21:58:21

That'd good isn't it? He's showing you who he is....and you can see that you deserve more.

Normal response should be "oh, I am sorry, you are right that I was acting jealous and that you were single. Will you forgive me? I was wrong. I must have hurt your feelings a lot by being so selfish "

or words to that effect

illbeinthesky Mon 07-Jan-13 21:52:59

On the morning of day three of not talking I received a text stating he forgave me and that he loved and missed me. I took you alls advice and told him I loved him too but I don't always wanna be forgiven because I'm not always wrong. That we weren't even together at the time but I get this point but he needs to work on his attitude and put jealousy aside. Thanks. Lol he hasn't texted back since then tho

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 21:30:50

And you have to ask yourself if you and he argue so much and if he is so upset at the thoughts of you with someone else, what is he getting out of this relationship?

HINT -- the answer is not True Love.

If he is that upset with you then he needs to either piss or get off the pot -- either get over it and move on or end the relationship. He can't keep you dangling as he is doing, punishing you occasionally and repeatedly for the same 'crime'. Unless that is what he is getting out of this, which is what I suspect. If you are insecure and immature, one way of bigging yourself up is bullying someone else after all.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 21:26:18

So you told him about the messing around and he didn't like it and then when you asked him to get over himself he threw it back at you that you hadn't told him 100% of it right there and then.

You can't win for losing with this jerk can you?
He is a classic case of Beginning Abuser 101.
He will always hold this against you. You will never be able to live a single day without feeling you owe him an apology for this, or challenge a single bit of attention he gives another woman because he will always hold that against you.

What he wants is someone he can dominate and sadly you are It.

Why are you thinking of marriage while at the same time doing an AP subject?
Don't you want to go to college?

When you were fooling around with this other 'dude' did you use contraception? Even if you didn't have sex, were you able to produce a condom and expect him to use it if he and you had wanted to have sex?

Why does having a boyfriend who is possessive and jealous and with whom you argue a lot and who dominates your life even when you are not talking (jeez that sounds mature...) mean enough to you to keep at it even when you are tired and want to sleep instead of giving him his 'man' time ? (whatever he is he is no man).

Are you 17? 18?
Is he away in college already?
Did you get a sense of having status in your HS by having an older boyfriend?
Did you lose friends or become isolated when the two of you were dating before he left and is that why you are so involved with him now?

You need to ask yourself why keeping this relationship is worth the cost he demands from you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Jan-13 21:12:56

As well as arguments and being unable to ask simple requests, making yourself someone's whipping-boy is also a good reason not to keep dragging a relationship on past its natural end. You realise that, because he knows you feel guilty, he will always hold the 'dude' over you from now on? Every time you disagree he'll drag it back up and your life will carry on being stressful enough to skip periods.

Sometimes when it's over, it's over...

Allergictoironing Sat 05-Jan-13 21:08:39

Um so you won't have sex with him until you are married, but you did have sex (or got pretty close) with someone else during a break with him? I would be surprised if this isn't eating at him a bit still however much you may think the issue is resolved.

On the other hand, I agree with the other posters who say that his lack of consideration for your desires to talk at a reasonable time of day plus you having a lot of arguments doesn't bode well for your future happiness - unless despite your qualifications you will be happy to be put in the "keep them barefoot & pregnant" category.

Yu are sooo young, there is no need to be tied down at your age. You may think you really love this guy, but if you were happy to "do things with other dudes" then you can't be that dedicated to him deep down inside. Maybe it's the being part of a couple thing that you're really in love with?

foolonthehill Sat 05-Jan-13 21:08:16

Ok so with your BF

it has to be a while for things to get back to normal, or maybe its just a day, that's why we're not talking as of now his choice or yours? This is not healthy arguing: passive aggressive potentially abusive

took some time off.I did things with another dude, recently I did tell him what I did, and he got mad all over again, When I asked to know his personal problems, he threw me not telling him about the dude back So you were on a relationship break and you were with another man? And he's angry...it is none of his business. You were not together at the time. And however "bad" what you did is it is not his job to judge you or to continue to use it as blackmail in your relationship. jealousy and possessiveness are never a good sign.

Dear girl I think you really need to take a long look at yourself and what you believe about relationships before you become embroiled in one. otherwise you will be at high risk of ending up in a bad relationship. be sure of who you are, what you want and respect in a partner, have fun and explore who other people are before you settle for anyone/thing (and I don't mean sex).

There is no way this boy is good for you, you are pursuing a long distance relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. Time to call it a day.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 20:56:28

Only one other male, that was a typing error.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 20:54:11

I hear you, I hear you love and arguments don't match up. But if you would like to know the argument came from what I did when my bf and i took some time off. I did things with another dudes, I told him it was bad but not what exactly . recently I did tell him what I did, and basically he got mad all over again, when I've changed. When I asked to know his personal problems, he threw me not telling him about the dude back in my face. We resolved this issue tho and he said he was sorry and what not on our basis of texting out this dilemma. After our arguments it has to be a while for things to get back to normal, or maybe its just a day, that's why we're not talking as of now.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 20:00:50

How can there be an issue regarding your past?

What was this issue?

What I think when I see someone saying their BF has an issue with something in a GF's past is that this is a jealous person who is also controlling and seeking to make the GF feel bad and constantly apologetic about something she had every right to do, and even if not, she can't change it now that it is in the past. What exactly are you supposed to do now about something in your past?

A problem with a GF's past is very much a problem in the personality of the person for whom it is an issue in the present, who wants to keep someone feeling unequal, or undeserving of such a catch since she is so flawed or damaged goods or whatever phrase you want to use to imply someone who is not worthy of a relationship with MrBigshot but is being tolerated.

A mature person who is secure and able to have a relationship on an equal footing with a GF would not have a problem with something in the past.

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 19:17:11

Love is not measured by the number of arguments you have
and tough love is what you give to your dc/relatives if they turn out to be drug addicts, alcoholics, abusers, career criminals, or display other forms of antisocial behaviour.

In saying you 'shouldn't be undercover' when trying to achieve your goal of having what you want, do you pretend to be someone or something you're not in order to get or keep a boyfriend?

If so, you are coming from a place of deep insecurity; a place where you believe or feel that the 'real you' is unloveable or not interesting enough/fascinating enough/good enough to engage the long term attention and affections of others.

If this is the case, you need to learn how to love yourself and know that you are more than good enough before embarking on relationships with the opposite sex.

illbeinthesky Sat 05-Jan-13 18:54:39

i understand that i shouldnt be undercover when i try to achieve my goal of having what i want. we have discussed this before via texting. it was going to be a way to resolve an issue we had involving my past. we talked about it and yeah. but break up really that harsh?
i suppose i do need to get back to myself, doing me. with the addition of my leaving the conversation (texting) we havent talked since. he says he wont leave tho, that the decision is all up to me. we have tough love sometimes.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 05-Jan-13 09:02:39

" I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue"

That's a very twisted, not to say naive and romanticised, view of love that will ensure all your relationships are miserable. You're also not being honest. If you lack the confidence to even tell this boy/man to telephone you at a more convenient time for fear of being seen as 'overbearing' then I doubt very much you are engaging in these arguments on an equal level. Who tells you that you are 'overbearing' when you express your opinion or ask him to do something? Him?.....

I repeat.... You should be able to say anything at all to a partner without worrying about his reaction. Arguments are not a sign of love.

thismummyneedssleep Sat 05-Jan-13 07:25:47

Of course not squinkie. It is not at all a measure of love but it is something to consider when your periods are affected.

If it were me I would hope my bf would be a little more flexible through the exam period of ap exams and try to limit the stress and not insist on man time (if that is what he is doing) or late night calls that are only a good time for the bf.

Call me old fashioned but is it not everything that goes with loving someone like consideration, respect, being open to your partner, being comfortable, helpful, the list is endless and unconditional.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:23:17

Has he told you you are an overbearing girlfriend or told you you are pressuring him or told you he has time commitments and you are not to bother him?

In other words, any suggestion that the timing of contact is going to be on his terms and according to his convenience and not yours?

When you argue, are there any recurring themes?

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:20:22

Arguments can be good -- you can tell a lot about someone by how they behave when you are arguing. I wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't fight fair (not the second time round anyway, lesson learned) and no-one who is afraid of confrontation should even consider getting married.

But arguments are not a sign of people 'caring'.

Nor is pressuring someone to accept unacceptable behaviour, for instance accepting late night phone calls, as the price of maintaining the relationship. Is this what you mean when you say 'caring'? Has he said these late night calls prove he 'cares'?

What he is doing is making sure that you are not contacting any other boys late at night by monopolising your time. Or having any fun texting friends when your homework is done. He is isolating you.

And no, jealousy is not a sign of caring either.

mathanxiety Sat 05-Jan-13 07:13:26

Sweetie, how old are you?

If you're doing AP classes you are far too young to be thinking about marriage, and if you are seriously thinking of marriage and going into it with this attitude:

I love him, doesn't matter about our arguments, at least we have them. Because of there was no love there we wouldn't care enough to argue

then you are going to need all the luck you can get because though you don't want to hear this, your man is taking the piss in a serious way and things are not going to get better.

You don't know how to get him to phone you earlier in the day? Don't answer his call if he calls after 10 pm. Do you have the backbone to do that? If you don't, then you don't need to be dating anyone.

Are you 17? 18?

Is he already in college? Is that why he is living away?

Just because you love someone don't have lots of arguments, they and not a mark of how much you love someone. confused

thismummyneedssleep Sat 05-Jan-13 06:27:36

Man time?? what does he do in his man time? What is so important that he can not speak during the day. I expect he likes to hear your voice before going to bed but to have long chats late at night is not the time to have them. Rather than chatting to him about the calls you take control and call him when you want and keep the late night calls brief.

Be really sure about the reason your marrying this guy. It wont get better as you will have other stresses adding to your life together and if you plan on kids it will indeed get worse.

good luck with exams

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