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I assaulted my husband and called the police on him.

(81 Posts)
Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 21:25:13

It happened on Sunday. Dh didn't get home the time he said he would (I called him at 3pm, he said hw would be home in a couple of hours time and cook dinner) so when I called him back at nearly 6 he was at the pub and was clearly "merry" so I didn't even asked anymore questions about what time he would be back as I knew it was pointless, so I gave ddi dinner and managed to put her to bed earlier because I didn't want her to see him drunk. We were both really upset that he lied again, he told her on the phone at 3 pm that he was coming for dinneradinner she had been looking out on the window to see him. Anyway, once she was asleep I couldn't sleep myself and became very anxious, so started to drink (I normally don't drink, but I really wanted to relax and calm down as I was so angry and disappointed I believed him and again he let us down). Anyway, he came drunk at 8pm, I was sitting in the dark, he kept asking what I was doing, I ignored him, he went into the bedroom, I heard noises, went to check and he was on the floor struggling to get up, I than helped him up and told himto go lie down on the sofa as I didn't want to sleep with him...helped him out of the bedroom but him insisted coming in, so I shove him really hard, he knocked his head on the wall and fell on the floor. Ì than noticed he didn't have his wallet and iPhone in his pockets, and screamed in anger where they were,aand asking if he lost it, got mugged or robed (it happened before) but as he lie there not talking, I keep getting angrier and angrier and have to really control myself not to assault him again. He than somehow manages to get up and speek and starts causing me of stealing his wallet and phone. By this time, dd (5) is awake so I stop the argument but him carries on swearing and accusing me of stealing. I than call the police (2nd time, last time was October last year, similar reasons but at that time I was really calm and collected and he was verbally abusive) . The police comes and I tell them everything omitting my aggression, he is not able to tell the police his side of the story, but he is clearly intoxicated and I'm sober, so police take my side,. Meanwhile Dh finds his wallet in the bedroom and police call his phone which is in the pub (I tried to look for his wallet and call his phone when he was accusing me but couldn't find it/no one answered) . Anyway this made Dh look even worse so police take his keys and give him a lift the pub (there's a travel lodge close by) . After half an hour Dh called me desparate asking to come back and I let him, he is in floods of tears like I never seen before even though he is quite emotional. I tell him to have a shower and go to sleep. Following day we talk on the phone and agree to carry on normally until we are ready to talk and again he promises to get help, but...he is still drinking one or two beers at home after work, still smoking his sucking weed and after tomorrow is his staff party at work, I'm already anxious and worried this drama will happen again.

TrampyPants Wed 02-Jan-13 21:54:49

You want to know if there's hope he'll ever change? Fucking hell.

biscuit

GiveMeSomeSpace Wed 02-Jan-13 21:55:04

Disaronno I saw your thread on the Mental Health page - I think you need to get some help before you ruin some lives

Goldchilled7up Wed 02-Jan-13 21:59:31

You knew that he was drunk, and you still decided to drink as well. Who was supposed to be looking after your daughter? sad

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:04:58

I don't know if he was unconscious and I didn't search his pockets, he tilted himself and I noticed his back pockets were empty. I know, it is disgusting and disgraceful, I want to seek help but I don't want to loose my daughter because this happened for the first time and believe me or not we are a normal family. I'm not a drunk, I drink very occasionally, don't ever get drunk, I hate drunkenness. I called the police (both times) mostly to humiliate him and to attempt to make him seek help or change but now I see that he isn't changing and this is affecting me far too much.

MonetsGardens Wed 02-Jan-13 22:06:48

'It's a normal household and dd is happy, loved and well looked after'

No Op - it's NOT normal. It really isn't. You need to separate. YOU need to work on your anger issues - there are many, many sources of support for anger management out there. Stop waiting for your husband to change - that is up to him. YOU need to work on yourself because next time, your little girl may be standing watching you.

Sarahplane Wed 02-Jan-13 22:07:05

you sound violent and controlling and if this was the other way around everyone would say leave the bsstard. ylur poor daughter.

EverybodysSnowyEyed Wed 02-Jan-13 22:08:12

You shouldn't get the police involved. They are not there to referee your arguments and you are effectively wasting their time.

Please get yourself help. As for your dh, worry about that relationship once you are in the right place.

FabulousFreaks Wed 02-Jan-13 22:08:14

I think the best thing is to go to couple counselling together. There you can talk through your issues in a safe setting and see how you proceed. And maybe you can get some anger management counselling which will help too.

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:08:15

No, I wish it wasn't real, but unfortunately happened. I know I deserve all the name calling and I'm not looking for sympathy, just help.

If you're in the UK, you can expect a visit from SS soon. I believe it's standard when the police are called out to a DV incident when there's a child in the house. You should talk to them about what support's available, because your (plural) behaviour will be damaging your child.

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:13:33

Should I tell the GP and SS everything.?

akaemmafrost Wed 02-Jan-13 22:16:01

Does he drink often OP? What I mean is how much is his drinking impacting on your family life aside from this incident you have posted about?

I ask because my ex was a heavy drinker and I was driven to utter desperation by it. Had a breakdown in the end.

Just trying to get a bigger picture.

happynewmind Wed 02-Jan-13 22:16:45

Oh god it sounds like my exh new family.

He won't change.
Smoking weed and getting un obviously drunk and then carrying on drinking every night is not normal family life.

Or at least it blooming shouldn't be.

FreudianLisp Wed 02-Jan-13 22:16:47

OP, do you really need to ask that?

What on earth will be achieved if you don't tell them everything?

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:16:52

Will we loose our daughter.?

happynewmind Wed 02-Jan-13 22:20:09

Unconcious drunk not Un obviously.

happynewmind Wed 02-Jan-13 22:25:09

A one off no you won't but if its a regular occurance things need to change.

The problem with weed is it makes you paranoid and unreasonable.

I have personal experience of two families like this, one of who smoked weed through the window and was adament it wasn't affecting their 3 year old and newborn and would have fights like this.

squeakytoy Wed 02-Jan-13 22:25:46

I would say there is every chance you could lose your daughter if you dont get help. (and rightly so too).

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:27:29

He used to get drunk more often know the past. He goes to the pub maybe 3, 4 times a month nowadays and he isn't always drunk when he comes back. However he does drink at home after work most nights (2 beers maximum), and when he is off work he won't go to the pub, he will drink at home but never get drunk at home. I hate the weed and he wasn't in the smoking habit before marriage/pregnancy...he has been smoking for about a year outside in the balcony, I asked him to stop many times, but he didn't. I don't have a problem with him drinking at home or going to the pub. I have a problem with drunkenness, drug abuse and lies. He said he would be back to cook dinner at 5 and came drunk at 8, couldn't even stand up. Things were getting so much better and he destroys everything in few hours..I went mental.

TrampyPants Wed 02-Jan-13 22:29:29

but you are still blaming him. you are trying to excuse your violence because he destroyed everything, he pushed you to it.

akaemmafrost Wed 02-Jan-13 22:29:41

Have you hit him before?

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:30:24

Sorry about my posts, my tablet is playing up and if sometimes my English doesn't make sense it is because I'm not a native speaker.

CarlingBlackMabel Wed 02-Jan-13 22:32:15

Disaronno, no you won't lose your dd after one drunken outburst. You won't lose your daughter, or even be risking it by asking for HELP. You won't lose your dd for making an effort to make sure this kind of thing comes to an end.

You really must seek help. Your DH also needs help if he is often drunk like this, but you can't force him to get help. What you can do it look after yourself.

You may be depressed, you may have mental health issues. Both can be dealt with. You can get help through effective medication and / or counselling and / or the support of the right professionals. Start with your GP, or your HV if you have a good relationship with her.

And then if your DH isn't playing his part, you need to leave him. As Custardo says, your dd needs one of you to be the grown up, and in reposnsible control.

Good luck - admitting there is a problem can be the first step in putting it right, if you take it!

ihearsounds Wed 02-Jan-13 22:36:34

Violence, regardless of the reasons, is never, ever good. There are simply no reasons.

If this was the other way round, the advise would be take the child and leave/kick the violent person out.

If you do not get help for your anger you will loose your child.

Think about that.

Think about the people that possibly needed help the times you needlessly called the police. They are there for emergencies and you wasted their time. If anyone needs humiliating it isn't your husband.

You seem intent on laying all the blame on him. You have also done more than you are admitting to. The only way you can ever get help is to admit what you have done, not just the little bits.

Disaronno Wed 02-Jan-13 22:38:15

I'm not blaming him, I'm trying to say that I lost control and the circumstances of when and why I lost it. And we do have our rows but we never have been violent towards each other or our daughter. He never ever assaulted me. And this was the first time I assaulted him. I don't even know if he remembers or what's going through his mind. We are waiting for the right time to talk. He cooked for us yesterday and we watched a film with dd, but he is very quiet. I hope we can talk before his party on Friday.

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