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The good things about being single ( and living alone)

(104 Posts)
runforestrun Fri 28-Dec-12 14:38:24

Just newly happened to me

Please any help , make me feel better about whats just happened.

Keep feeling bit wobbly and don't want to weaken

smile

Mikachu Fri 28-Dec-12 20:50:58

GOOD THINGS:
Learning how to do things by myself (I recently learned how to bleed my radiators and am proud of myself for being good at it! Sad, I know).

Nobody makes me feel guilty for having a PJ day.

All the biscuits are miiiiiiiiine!!

I can do what I want, when I want.

BAD THINGS:
I would say that the only 2 negative things are not having as much intimacy with someone, and that I have to do all the washing up.

So if you just have the occasional one night stand, and buy a dishwasher - you're sorted! wink

Good luck OP - you'll love it!

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:13:19

Never having to deal with an atmosphere - at least until the dc are stroppy grin

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:15:58

And re the dishwasher and one night stands - I bought the dishwasher (which we apparently couldn't afford - tesco £189) wink

I don't want to be single all the time but moving I. With a bloke again would be a huge leap I'm not ready for - a bf that I see twice a week would be more than enough grin

Lavenderhoney Fri 28-Dec-12 21:25:14

I liked being single. Books everywhere without being nagged at to tidy. Eat and drink what I liked. Go on holiday where I liked, spend what I wanted. Fly all over Europe for parties and meeting friends with just a passport and a holdall.

Datingsmile

total freedom to live where I wanted. Decisions made alone with only me me me to worry about.

My dm said she had never had her own room - home til married then with my df for 50 years. She was openly jealous of how times have changed for single "gels". She said she would have left for Australia and never married and had dc if she was young now...

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 28-Dec-12 21:36:31

It just goes to show really: despite the propaganda, couplehood benefits men far more than it benefits women.

TurnipCake Fri 28-Dec-12 21:39:14

I agree Solid (wasn't there a study to show that the happiest people are married men and single women?) why else convince women that singledom is a fate worse than death?

Dillie Fri 28-Dec-12 21:45:48

I love this thread! I am too about to start a single life, so I know exactly how your feeling op smile

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 21:50:34

I dunno I think it's the quality of the relationship. Currently back in touch with a newly single friend whose relationship problems are almost identical to what mine were - and he's a bloke!
One of our main gripes was about needing to have a free rein with friendships and not trim your social circle to fit in with your partner. Feck that

OnTheBottomWithAStringOfTinsel Fri 28-Dec-12 22:11:03

SGB - I've never lived with anyone (bar DD - 16 now), and you're the only person i have ever 'met' in a similar situation - and it's wonderful that its someone who comes across as so confident, perceptive and sorted as you do.

I've never made a conscious decision to stay single, but relationships never got to the living together stage.

I have only realised in the last few years how free I am to make my own choices, spend time on my own hobbies, interests etc, even compared to friends in good relationships with a lot more money than I have.

Every room in my house (bar DD's which is to her taste - dark purple...) is decorated exactly how I like it. I can change stuff whenever I like.

Half the kitchen table is taken up by a quilt I'm making for my niece (5) & I don't have anyone asking me to move it.

She's actually having a sleepover here & is in my bed ATM as she will sleep later there - again no one else to consider (& I've more chance of a lie-on)

(My dsis, her mum, poor woman, needs some support at present - shes having a delayed attack of depression and anxiety after ex BIL had an affair & she threw him out). Again, didn't have to ask permission/let anyone else know, what way I want to offer support - can do it how suits me/sis.

She's terrified of being on her own - when she's ready I'll send her a link to his thread to show her the benefits of being single.

Being single is FANTASTIC! The longer I live alone, the better a relationship would have to be for me ever to consider giving it up.

Redflagcatcher Fri 28-Dec-12 22:38:56

I live on my own with 2 dcs. I will admit it took me about a year to really comfortable with it though, not missing someone being there. I distinctly remember the morning I got up with the kids and didn't think of my ex. Now I've moved house, love it so much here with my dcs I wonder if I actually want to live with anyone again.
I broke up with my bf of 18months last night and thanking my lucky stars we didn't move in together. My home is my safety, my refuge and I'm sitting here eating chocolate with no one to nick them to share them with!

tawse57 Fri 28-Dec-12 22:45:26

When you come on the Mumsnet relationship or divorce forums and see all the agony, hurt and pain of the posters you can but only feel relief that you are not in the same boat as them.

The posts I have been reading in the past few days alone of wives or husbands cheating, of husbands visiting prostitutes or of wives no longer wanting sex and going "cold" just makes me feel for the people posting such things.

As you read such posts you begin to realise just how fleeting so many relationships and marriages are these days - so many people who thought they had the perfect relationship too. It will make you feel glad that you are single.

Piemother Fri 28-Dec-12 23:19:25

Redflag - great nn btw. Yy to both your themes being free to pause/continue tasks as you like is v liberating. Ex would have made me move the quilt on principle whether it was in his way or not angry

Once a few years back I had to painfully explain to a friend going through shit that I didn't invite her to stay the night because I didn't k ow how exh would react (read five me loads of shit for it). She shrugged it off but I still feel guilty that my marriage caused me to be IMO such a shit friend at times.

Another friend went through some dv stuff lately. I had a key to my house cut and have it to her and was able to say confidently - if you need to get out day it night my house is a safe place whether I am even there or not. I could not either have made this offer or been able to offer her total safety when I was still married.

Corygal Sat 29-Dec-12 09:47:28

LIFE'S DULL WORK VASTLY REDUCED.

No cooking, shopping as and when required by self, less tidying, cleaning, etc etc. No taking someone else's whims into account non stop.

Watching all the Xmas TV you want, when you want. Reading in peace.

Farting unhindered. Other forms of spontaneity increase, too.

Bliss of kingsize bed to oneself.

Allergictoironing Sat 29-Dec-12 10:29:08

Bliss of kingsize bed to oneself - this! Plus the no man shitting in the loo, then having to wait half an hour until it's "safe" when I'm dying for a pee.
No jealousy about random men I may meet at work.
No pandering to a fragile ego.
No fitting in with anyone else.

Doing what I want, when I want, how I want and with who I want really sums up the biggest benefits though. Never actually lived with anyone since DF died, and very much doubt I could now!

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sat 29-Dec-12 10:59:23

I'm not technically alone as I have a DS but I love being independent so much that I've turned down more than a few offers of a permanent live-in partner in recent times. The nights when various boyfriends stay over I'm quite pleased when they leave again. smile This probably makes me a 'grumpy old woman' but, so what?

CatchingMockingbirds Sat 29-Dec-12 11:14:55

The peace and quiet,
Not having to share laptop/tablet/computer,
Having free reign of the tv,
Never having to watch top gear,
Not having to clean up someone else's mess,
Starfishing in the bed,
Nobody to steal the covers,
No snoring to contend with,
Things always being where you left them as nobody's moved them.

CatchingMockingbirds Sat 29-Dec-12 11:15:27

Oh and decorating whatever way you like without having to consult anyone first.

Melanthe Sat 29-Dec-12 11:22:43

+1 to all the above. Plus, if you don't have kids, you don't have to live all alone. The right housemate/s makes a great dinner companion/ couch buddy/ someone to moan to.

Latara Sat 29-Dec-12 13:10:41

Do what you like, when you like, as you like... smile

Latara Sat 29-Dec-12 13:11:58

Can be scary because there's no excuse to avoid a new challenge... except to say ''actually i don't want to do that''.

lubeybooby Sat 29-Dec-12 13:13:36

Everything. Every single thing. I love it.

Apart from paying the bills! Would be nice to split that weight of responsibility - but the pro's far outweigh that.

Pisces Sat 29-Dec-12 13:20:22

I am really enjoying being on my own, just over a year now. I am getting my mental health back too grin.

My resolutions for the coming year are to lose the 4.5 stone I have gained in the past 18 months; give up smoking and to get fit. And the best bit is there is no one around to sabotage me. My willpower and I will be friends again.

I like being able to fall asleep on the sofa at the weekends; to watch "my crap" on tv without someone moaning; to play music as I do my housework and to not have someone peering over me to make sure I have cleaned properly!!! hmm.

Right now, Casablanca, tea and chocolates under a blanket on the sofa, after breakfast in a cafe with the papers, recovering from staying out til 4am last night grin . Aloneness, not loneliness, is a wonderful treat for me.

madgered Sun 30-Dec-12 10:17:43

What a wonderful thread. I'm about to embark on a traumatic divorce and being single has terrified me. I have no family, just me and kiddies. Reading what you have all written has put me in a positive state of mind for 2013. thank you so much xx

Molepom Sun 30-Dec-12 11:13:06

Oh dear Lord, how long have you got?

The biggest thing for me is the one that scares people the most. Finances.

Yes, it can be tough but the FREEDOM you have when you don't have to account for anyone one else is amazing, even if you have kids.

You are in complete control, you know what goes out, when and how much. You can budget so much easier without someone else dipping into the pot or buying stupid stuff that you dont need, especially when you are saving for something important like doors/car etc.

If you see something you like and you know the money is there, you can just buy it...no having to remember that he needs petrol or lunch. No realising that he taken it out and used it when your card has been rejected at the till. In other words, not having to check the bank balance first before you need to buy something.

If I ever get into another relationship with someone again, I will never again agree to having a "everything all in the pot" policy. Seperate finances all the way from now on.

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