Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Are you happy?

(57 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:02:12

Im just curious to know are you happy in your realtionship? How long have you been together? Do you still cuddle and tell each other you love each other?

Its dawned on me a few days ago, I'm not happy in my realtionship in fact ive not been happy for a while but been in mega denial - we have been together nearlly three years and i'm miserable in fact i love it when dp is at work (thats bad isnt it) we dont touch or tell each other we love each other anymore and after the stuff he has put me through i never will love him again i dont think.....

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 22:16:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjel Fri 14-Dec-12 22:12:30

Was with exdh for over 30 years when he got girlfriend!! I left. Spent all of marriage trying to please and avoid his moods,I spent a lort of my life in several breakdowns/depression etc. Had counselling 9 years ago realised he didn't treat me right but stayed to try and change things then gf so I left. Hasn't been easy ad I do spend time lonely but am so much happier even in my loneliness, I no longer have to dread weekends/holidays/ key in the door. start to build your new life and plan it before you go so that you are excited and look forward. Hugsxxx

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl Fri 14-Dec-12 22:09:52

TSC that's lovely, and where our relationships are different. Because I know when the chips are down he hasn't got my back.

ThePinkOcelot Fri 14-Dec-12 22:08:22

No, I am not happy. However, I am not unhappy! Does that make sense?
We have been together 28 years and we have 2 dds. DH was involved in an accident 15 years ago and has been unable to work since. He is often ill and spends days in bed. I think that has affected our relationship. I wonder what it would have been like had he not had that accident.

TheSecondComing Fri 14-Dec-12 22:00:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allthatglittersisnotgold Fri 14-Dec-12 21:37:23

Not overly, been together for 4 and a half yets. Own a property and a dog. Irritate each other, find his inability to apologise annoyif. Wants children I don't. Says he would do most of the work, bit forgets basic things I ask him to do, so he wouldn't it would be me remembering all the children things. I surprise him with nice things, never get a random surprise back. Also even though we are in early thirties (very early) we don't sleep in same rooms anymore. Sex the odd weekend. God sounds terrible written down!

SleepyLittleSunshineGirl Fri 14-Dec-12 21:19:26

No. Dread the weekends, go to bed early to avoid him in the evenings. No affection. He doesn't do sex either. I am very unhappy and on the verge of leaving. There is nothing positive to say. I find it hard to be in the same room, TBH.

I would agree worsestshiresauce we have been through a lot together -affair, 2 job losses, money issues but after nearly 19 years together 10 of which married I think we have finally got to a happy place.
Alot of our problems have stemmed from wanting different things at different times but this last couple of years we have been on pretty much the same page. All this said and with all we have been through I can honestly say we have always been each others best friend and always the one each other turns to when the chips are down.
Would I change anything? actually no nothing because we now have a deeper understanding and respect for each other and our marriage.

Yes I'm happy, finally, but it has taken a long time.

Been with DH 14 years, married for 12, pregnant with dc1. Our marriage has been far from perfect, and has been marred by ill health, money worries, and an affair (his), but we have made it through and have become kinder and more loving for it.

You could say life has knocked the corners off us. We call each other regularly during the day, cuddle every day, when we argue (we are human) we always hug and make up before bed, apologise and mean it. Sometime going through hard times can make love stronger, as I certainly love and understand my DH better now than I did earlier in our life together. I think he'd say the same about me.

I guess what I'm saying is marriages can weather storms, but only if they are based on really rock solid foundations.

Offred Fri 14-Dec-12 00:25:36

Would have said yes this time last week. Just now not so sure, ashamed to admit.

quirk Thu 13-Dec-12 23:55:07

Ha ha AF! Op, please don't stay with the twat. At 23 I wasn't happy, but like you, had a baby and WANTED everything to be ok and to be a family with the father of my child (who was pretty awful to me, though not unfaithful). Wish I'd left him then. You are so young. Don't stay for the house. Don't hope he will change. Build a support network and get out. Good luck and have a happy new year xx

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 23:21:50

OP, when you get to my age, you will be on a thread like this advising young women not to stay with twats

believe me

Morloth Thu 13-Dec-12 23:18:45

I am happy. We have been married for 14 years.

Still snuggle to watch TV, still hold hands when out, I will sit on his knee if there is only one seat etc.

Him coming home of an evening is something that is looked forward to.

You only get one go at life, don't waste it on someone who makes you unhappy.

One go.

You are 20! So much fun and laughter and life to be had. Do you really want to waste your life on someone who drags you down?

I was with a twat when I was 20, too - maybe there's some secret rule? Either way, you dont need to STAY with a twat, OP. You deserve to be happy.

Faffalina Thu 13-Dec-12 22:53:31

blackcurrants i love this: I get home before him and feel a little butterfly-in-my-tummy of excitement when I hear his key in the door. He makes me smile.

ninah Thu 13-Dec-12 22:39:19

I am very happy
I am single, though

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:37:04

Haha - well maybe it will be a happy new year after all.....

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:32:55

sucksteethly put grin

<or something like that grin

Succingtly put, AF.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:29:47

I was with a twat when I was about your age

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:29:01

on the day you accept that it is better to be on your own, than partnered with a twat, your life will start to get better

even if it gets worse for a while first

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:28:32

Haha i will be avoiding twats for the rest of my life ive had enough of shit to last me a life time! 2013...roll on :D

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:27:30

Anyfucker, couldn't said it better "not a twat"
You know your with the right person when making you happy is more important to them than to you. I hope 2013 is a great year for you and your son!

ArtVandelay Thu 13-Dec-12 22:24:47

I think its maintaining your own interests and having a thick skin. But also having some stuff that cannot be compromised. And wine smile I don't know, I've had a really tough year. I still feel like my DH is on my side though, and I think that's the key thing for me.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now