Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

photos of ex tucked away...weird or not

(36 Posts)
whatdoithinknow Sat 24-Nov-12 19:34:31

Would u find it weird if you found ur partner had stashed away pics of him and ex w on wedding day etc? They have blatantly been hidden and I'm wondering if its normal to keep this kind of thing? Pretty sure I don't stil have any pics of me and ex hubby hidden in the closet? But then I'm happily married and moved on from there....but are people just different?

Magicmayhem Sun 25-Nov-12 22:38:18

Apocalypto... you made me laugh out loud..
I think our ex's are part of our history and have a part in what made us who we are today...
I recently threw away my old engagement and wedding cards... and think I have some pics of my ex with the kids somewhere or other...
my fiance mayhave some pictures of his ex, but as long as they aren't out on show or he pleasures himself over them... I'm not worried..

RubyrooUK Sun 25-Nov-12 22:11:57

I have all sorts of things from exes - photos, Valentine cards, birthday cards, letters....

None of it is due to me pining for them. It is just a record of my past and memories. It is about me documenting things that occurred in my life rather than feeling any ongoing affection for them. I probably wouldn't remember how long I'd dated one boyfriend except that I still have a "happy 3rd anniversary" card. blush

They all stay in a box in the attic mainly. Occasionally I get them out to make an old friend a card based on photos from that time. Over the years, DH has put his old photos etc in there too (as it exists and he's lazy). So now if we divorce, we will not only have to split our house, possessions, custody of children and so on - but also a box containing photos of all our exes. It's worth staying married. grin

scaevola Sun 25-Nov-12 22:01:26

I wouldn't be happy about that - it just strikes me as too intimate, even though rationally it makes no difference to their previous history.

I wouldn't mind in the slightest though if a widow/er kept things though.

VirgoGrr Sun 25-Nov-12 20:11:02

Don't wish to hijack, but what does the MN hive mind think about Valentine cards from exes?

DP has pictures of exes, which are put away, but I also know that he has old Valentine and birthday cards. I'm not fussed about the photos, but the cards made me feel a bit weird when I came across them in a drawer. (Disclaimer - he is a bit of a hoarder, he needs a nudge to chuck anything)

Viviennemary Sun 25-Nov-12 11:56:17

I haven't kept any photographs of my ex boyfriends as such. But I have got a couple of holiday romance photos that I've kept as I didn't think they counted. grin

kinkyfuckery Sun 25-Nov-12 11:51:22

I have photos of me and ex from our wedding day. No idea where, but then I didn't like them at the time either!

LittleEdie Sun 25-Nov-12 11:48:04

Not weird.

I found some pics like that by mistake, and it felt weird seeing them, but it wasn't weird that he'd kept them.

cronullansw Sun 25-Nov-12 11:46:06

''Weird''' is searching for them in the first place.

They weren't on the mantlepiece, they were 'blatantly hidden'. I'd love to hear you explain how you stumbled across them smile

PS; can one hide something blatantly? Seems a bit of a contradiction to me, like being a married divorcee, or nearly pregnant, or obviously unobvious.

I understand it Dry my friend's ex did the same thing as he was a jealous and possesive nutter. She didn't however after they split so the son he has never bothered to see will know what his F looks like - just so he can avoid him hopefully. Men are such cocks sometimes!

Dryjuice25 Sun 25-Nov-12 02:05:38

Busters , Yes, not sure why I stayed with him after this incident. He even ripped photos of me because ex photographed them!! We are now separated

VestaCurry Sun 25-Nov-12 01:56:06

My Mum destroyed all the photos of her and my father together (and any including me). I understand why she did at the time because he was violent towards her, but she told me she regretted it later because I have no idea what he looks like. I asked other relatives if they had any, but to no avail. I don't know if he's still alive and I have no particular desire to find out, but I SO want to know what he looks like. Photographs are an important historical record of one's life, which in years to come can be important to others, apart from the obvious stories like mine.

No definitely not weird. It's a record of life before you, which is pefectly valid. Both DP and I have stuff from before we were together, and we've been together 28 years. We don't get it out and look at it but it's there should we ever want to.

And yes that is weird Dryjuice25 if DP had torn up my photos of my previous life he'd be an ex. He sounds very insecure and I can't be doing with that crap.

M0naLisa Sun 25-Nov-12 01:44:35

I ripped all mine up, there weren't many

Dryjuice25 Sun 25-Nov-12 01:43:24

My partner tore photos of ex. Weird isn't it. I wanted to keep them as part of my past. Getting angry now, cranking up.....

akaemmafrost Sun 25-Nov-12 01:30:57

I have photos and letters from my exes.

They are my past and memories and I would be a bit hmm by a current DP having a problem with that.

cleef15 Sun 25-Nov-12 00:58:50

I have photos from my life with ex boyfriends. I have photos from my ex husband including our marriage. I don't have them on display they r in the loft - so does that mean I hiding them? I don't think so!! We all have previous lives.

olgaga Sat 24-Nov-12 23:49:31

Do they have children? If so, that's understandable. Why does it make you feel insecure? They're only photos.

Well, what on earth is he supposed to do with them? hmm

Leaving them out on display would be weird. Destroying them would be a bit of a 'statement'. WHY exactly do you expect you partner to get rid of a record of part of his life? Don't you think he is just being a bit err, well, sensitive towards you, by not leaving this stuff around for you to see?

I have photos which document my entire life, but I don't keep them on public display They include a few pictures of most of my ex-partners from my significant romantic relationships over the past 35 years, including my ex-DP. But he is DS's father. We had some good times. Why should I deny that?

WTF is it with folk who need to eradicate and 'move on' from every single relationship apart from THE ONE!! their current one? Not EVERY ex is necessarily toxic and abusive.

Surely we don't have to start from a blank slate every time we hit the sack with someone new? Doesn't that thinking invest our current romantic relationships with far too much significance? Do we have to pretend we are a fucking born-again-virgin every time we meet a new partner? Aren't we all the sum of our respective histories? Or are we all living in Take-A-Break Re-Invent-Ourselves-Every-3 months Celeb Land?

skyebluesapphire Sat 24-Nov-12 23:33:03

when you say hidden, what do you mean exactly? His idea of storage could be your idea of hidden.. just wondered

Mine are still in albums sat on the shelf. I will put them in DD's memory box when i can get to it.

EdithWeston Sat 24-Nov-12 22:06:29

Hidden away is preferable to being out on show. Unless you think he's still hankering after her, which is a whole different issue from whether a few prints still exist.

ProcrastinatingPanda Sat 24-Nov-12 22:03:40

To the posters saying pics of the ex is fine, what do you think of them being hidden away? That's the part if the story I find strange, not pics of his ex beig kept but the partner keeping them as his little secret - unless op you meant like doodlekitty and they were hidden away forgotten in the loft or such place?

skyebluesapphire Sat 24-Nov-12 21:59:53

I have kept all photos including wedding ones, to give to DD when she is older so that she can look at them and see that once upon a time, her dad did love her mum..... Its part of my history and also part of hers. My XH didnt take any photos at all when he left...

davidtroublemaker Sat 24-Nov-12 20:00:06

Male view. We're second-time-rounders. Both our exes came to our wedding, in fact my wife's ex gave her away to me. You can't share your life with someone and then pretend they never existed. If the photos are hidden it's because he fears an unnatural reaction to you seeing them - rethink your attitude to exes.

44SoStartingOver Sat 24-Nov-12 19:56:56

I think it would be a bit worrying had he binned them all. Probably tucked away out of respect for your feelings

ISayHolmes Sat 24-Nov-12 19:54:51

Does he have children with his ex? It might partially be for them, even though they separated, in case they ever want to look at their parent's wedding day.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now