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I feel sick, im so worn down!

(60 Posts)
mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:06:04

Many of you will know ive had issues with dh.
I felt that all was good because he didnt beat me, fuck other women and worked hard.
Being on here lots of people felt i was selling myself short.
Im increasingly unhappy, cant talk to dh about anything, he either sulks in a mood, or shouts. He makes me think im being dramatic or too demanding.
Weve just got home from rugby and he upset ds1, nothing serious but just general winding up and ds1 ended up in tears, and i ave to say i know how he feels. Sometimes i just want to cry too.
So now dh has stormed out, making it all about him, as usual. He came back and said hes sick of walking on egg shells and i said maybe he could think about how his behaviour affects us all. Hes gone out again now sad

dont know how to feel or what to think, but im sure i cant go on living like this

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:30:43

Hello?

Doneinagain Sun 18-Nov-12 14:33:55

Hello Mosschops not read any of your threads before but didn't want you to go on unanswered.
Well he sounds like a real chore to be honest. On balance what good things do you get out of the relationship? What does your DS enjoy from his dad....are there more good times than bad? If not what do YOU want to happen next?

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:41:04

Im not sure what i get out of it atm tbh! Its easy because life isnt much of a struggle financially and we have some nice friends, although we dont share any interests at all.
Ds1 says he feels a bit bullied atm by dh and i can see what he means, sometimes i feel a bit like that but at least im older and stronger to deal with it. Ds1 is just crying sad
dont get me wrong he loves the dcs but i dont always agree with his parenting, however im far from perfect and am known to have a good shout and scream, dont want to paint myself as the perfect wife and mother cos deffo am not

Doneinagain Sun 18-Nov-12 14:44:26

Hmm could he be suffering from depression? Are you also a little down? How are you both sleeping etc and how hard is your DH working?
Whenever I feel undervalued and in appreciated I try very hard to make some one on one time with my DH even if that's a meal or a movie. If you are not struggling financially and the DC's are old enough cld you go away for a weekend just you and him?

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 14:51:52

We could go away but right now i dont like him enough to do that.
He works a normal week 6-6 but two hours of that is driving. Im working full time but sort dcs in morning, and pick up from various places, am also doing a masters (fannying about in Uni according to dh).
Im tired, he does no housework, i cook every night except saturday, he baths and beds the dcs.
He shows little respect for me, this week i went on a really interesting course and we sat down to dinner and i said 'the course today was really interesting ', he replied sarcastically 'ammaaaazzzing' so i shut up, he then said 'so are you going to tell me about it' and i said 'no not now'. To which he thinks im being touchy!

Numberlock Sun 18-Nov-12 15:03:06

I remember your other thread. Perhaps someone could link to it.

My advice hasn't changed and I'm not surprised to see you back on here.

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 15:36:47
mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 17:49:57

He's home and sulking, says no point in him being there if no one likes him hmm that he can't change and is what he is!

Right you are then angry

Guiltypleasures001 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:28:15

Hi Moss

I would take the opportunity to help him out the door with such a helpful comment as that one. If someone was upsetting my child to the point where they feel bullied, then I think thats the deal breaker for me.

I appreciate it is different for everyone, but to be honest it doesnt seem like there is a lot keeping you together other than the kids, and even they have a negative outlook on this.

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:47:12

I'm just scared of actually saying it, although I think we would both be happier.
Has anyone ever regretted taking that step?

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 18-Nov-12 18:50:32

Moss I can't believe he's upsetting DS like that, what a fucking vile arsehole.

I am so angry and sad for you, because you are obviously a good woman who works hard for her family.

I could not live like that though, I just couldn't.

ll31 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:52:19

Would you go counselling together?

ll31 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:53:04

you both seemed in other thread to want to stay together

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:54:30

smile don't be fooled I'm not a good woman, I scream at my dcs, and last week I made Ds cry (not on purpose) and Dh had the nerve to say 'have you hurt him' hmm
So am not perfect but sometimes I cringe at the way Dh is with ds1 sad

I don't know what to do

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:55:57

Oh and I did apologise to ds1, which is something Dh is incapable of.
I really think I would be less irritable if I was just relying on myself

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 18:57:10

We went to relate years ago, complete waste of time, he took none of it on board and refused to keep going after 3 sessions

AnyFucker Sun 18-Nov-12 18:58:26

Your son is saying he feels bullied by his father and you ...erm, remind me what you are doing about that ? You "identify" with it ? Oh, that's ok then.

JustFabulous Sun 18-Nov-12 19:01:29

I have said it before. I have always felt you were strong and am very sad to see you posting such an unhappy thread again. Your husband is cruel.

I really feel - and obviously ignore me if I am talking bollocks - that if you are unhappy then get out. It is enough. You don't have to specify XYZ. You feel it therefore it is fact.

If he truly loved you and the famnily he would want to change.

I know once DH said something hurtful to me about how I was with the kids and it hurt because he was right. I have tried hard to be better but find motherhood the hardest thing I have ever done and still fuck up most of the time but I am trying. Is he?

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:03:11

Any fucker what are you talking about

Chooster Sun 18-Nov-12 19:04:17

Oh Mosschops this is exactly where I am... I was considering starting a thread on it as I've not broached this with real life friends. My DH sounds quite like yours in many ways - he sulks and everything is about him and how he feels, he mocks me and the kids and is a bit of a bully - especially to DS1 (I have 3 DS's) who is quite sensitive. My 2 eldest DS's often end up in tears when DH is involved in getting them out and ready for school as he is just too heavy handed and everything has to happen the instance he asks. This sentence sums him up - If I can ever not hear something he has said then I'm 'deaf', if he doesn't hear me then I've mumbled. Its never him.....

He does have many good points but this side of him is grinding me down. We've had a huge row last week and only just coming back to talking terms. He thinks we should do some fun stuff just me and him but inside I'm crying out "its too late - I dont want to!".

I guess I'm just sympathising - I have not answers. I can't see growing old wiht this kind of stress - relationshiops shouldn't be that hard.

Which makes you happier - imagining a family night in with him or without him? For me the idea of a family night in is more fun without him there nagging the kids, but I've not made that mental leap to what that means for our relationship.

cheesesarnie Sun 18-Nov-12 19:06:03

What do you want from life op?

Guiltypleasures001 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:07:57

Moss the bottom line sometimes is that the moment anyone goes for your kid just because your an adult and can take it, he is a kid so thats a grab dp lovingly by the throat moment and telling him to back the fuck off.

Your child is letting you know he needs your back up, and that might mean getting his Dad out the door for some much needed breathing space, for all concerned.

AnyFucker Sun 18-Nov-12 19:12:50

What am I talking about, moss ?

I am responding to your thread.

You need to protect your son. Why are you not ?

mosschops30 Sun 18-Nov-12 19:15:06

Chooster do you want to come and live with me grin
For me life is easier when he's not here because I'm just doing it all myself rather than resenting him for not doing it IYKWIM

I'm too old for this shit

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