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I've come to the conclusion that I love him - and it scares me!

(17 Posts)
Conflugenglugen Sat 17-Nov-12 19:42:58

Goodness, I cannot tell you how much I disagree with the notion of the man saying it first. Just be true to your heart! It isn't more complicated than that. Start out as you mean to go on: saying what you feel and what you mean, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

CanonFodder Sat 17-Nov-12 19:24:09

I'd wait, this stage is often soooo fleeting and if you are going to be together forever you'll have years and years to say and feel it. Enjoy this dizzy early stage and the anticipation of hearing the words, thats part of what makes it so much fun!

OhEmGee25 Sat 17-Nov-12 19:15:06

Izzy - who IS this poster I keep hearing of?! Intrigued!

Llareggub Sat 17-Nov-12 19:13:12

The words aren't important. It is actions, thoughts and deeds that tell you if there is love.

sarahseashell Sat 17-Nov-12 19:10:50

I don't think spending christmas in the car is a good plan grin

izzyizin Sat 17-Nov-12 19:07:12

You've been with him 4 months and he tells you 'jokingly' that he loves you as in without an actual declaration and in a way that enables him to retract/deny?

Hmm... are you related to the OP with a sofa clamped to her arse who continually starts new threads on a similar theme?

Have you had sight of the tickets for the allegedly forthcoming romantic break to Ireland?

SoleSource Sat 17-Nov-12 17:59:08

I'm old fashoined. The man should say it first. The last relationship I was in he disn't say it, neither did I. Long sad story though. Lots of realisations about that turd.

MamaMary Sat 17-Nov-12 17:40:17

I agree, there is security in him saying it first- then you know they really meant it. That was important to me personally. But probably loads on MN will disagree!

AlexAndreN Sat 17-Nov-12 17:33:35

I long for him to say it to me!! everytime we're kissing and he looks into my eyes and stares at me - it's like he wants to say it and I'm always thinking "just say it!!" but he never does. The bugger.

I don't want to be the first to say it. Because then the paranoid freak in me will think "he only said it because I said it!"

MamaMary Sat 17-Nov-12 17:30:46

I'd wait till he said it first.

When we were going out I realised at one point that I loved DH but decided to wait and see if he said it first. I waited for ages, but he did (on the same night he asked me to marry him) and it was SO worth the wait! He also said he'd loved me for ages.

We're a bit old fashioned that way though. We then didn't start to use terms of endearment until quite a long time after that.

Conflugenglugen Sat 17-Nov-12 17:28:35

AlexAndreN - Say it. To hell with the consequences - it's how you feel. This from someone who didn't last year and regretted it deeply.

AlexAndreN Sat 17-Nov-12 17:28:21

That's what I'm starting to realise - if you live your life scared of getting hurt, you'd never do anything.

I think he is scared of looking silly - he's the kind of bloke that hints at things and looks for a reaction. He doesn't commit himself to things that might make him look daft, he makes sure he can say "haha that was funny when I pretended I loved you wasn't it! what a laugh!" lol - obviously not in as many words but you get what I mean!!

One time when he was drunk he said he loved me and he'd wanted to tell me a few times before but was scared as we hardly knew each other - that was about 2 months ago and I often wonder if he meant it or not.

I wanna chill - I wanna see where we are in a years time - I so wish I had a crystal ball that would tell me how we ended up grin

Congrats OhEmGee!! I'm jealous of YOU!! grin

OhEmGee25 Sat 17-Nov-12 17:21:01

That was me at the start of the year! First date was in January, by April I just knew, it was completely overwhelming. I had to gag myself from not saying it! Glad I didn't though because whilst on a bank holiday weekend away in may he wrote "I love you with all my heart sweetheart" in the sand blush. Since then, our relationship has rocketed. Too fast some may say. We have bought a house together, we're so excited about Christmas in our new house and talking about marriage. Am getting jealous by everyone around me getting married, so he better hurry up grin

Milkandlotsandlotsofwine Sat 17-Nov-12 17:20:00

Yes if it goes tits up it WILL hurt like a bitch. The only way to avoid such hurt though is to lock up your heart & never, ever fall in love.

He could just be the cautious type and 4 months isn't a very long time really. I think he is as scared as looking silly as you are. I think you need to bite the bullet, pick a good time and just say those 3 little words. I'm sure you will get an "I love you" back. grin

Oh & congratulations on your happiness. I am very jealous indeed. Posts like this make me believe that love perhaps does still exist out there somewhere.

AlexAndreN Sat 17-Nov-12 17:19:29

That's the thing, I know I just need to let it run its course and go with the flow but in my head I'm all "marriage and white picket fences!"

So how does this work, you go with the flow, enjoy it - how does it progress naturally? I am of course talking about marriage/living together and I know it's all too soon to think about and I am happy to just enjoy the present and go with the flow but how does actual progression occur?

MushroomSoup Sat 17-Nov-12 17:16:18

Aww how lovely. I've been there! Still going strong (and feeling the same) after 10 years. Just go with the flow - don't over think it. It's not something you have to plan to say IMO. It'll just pop out when the time is right!
Just enjoy it all, he sounds like a keeper!

AlexAndreN Sat 17-Nov-12 17:10:56

On our very first date something strange happened. I kept wanting to touch him. We'd literally just met but I made excuses to be close to him, to touch his hands etc - text book/women's mag stuff that I just couldn't help doing. At the end of the night, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek - I melted.

I'd NEVER experienced such lust in all my life!

2 months later, we're still together going from strength to strength and during a convo with a mate she asked "do you love him?" I thought about it for a few seconds and then said "I don't know". She said "that's a no then, if you did, you'd know."

Now we've been together 4 months and we've just spent the day shopping. We laughed over silly stuff, ran through the busy car park clutching each other's hand and made plans for Christmas in the car on the way back. I'm just sat here thinking about him and it hit me like a train - I DO love him. I know I do. And the most pathetic thing about it is, despite being in my 30s, I've never loved anyone like this before.

He treats me brilliantly, he's lovely and affectionate - but he's never said he loves me (well, he has said it jokingly - he said he was in love with me when he saw me play piano and he said he loved me when he saw me use his shoe as a drinks stand) but he's never said it properly.

In 4 weeks time, we're going to Ireland for the weekend on a romantic break. Do I tell him I love him?? what if he doesn't say it back?? is it best left unsaid?

The truth is, discovering I love him has scared me to hell because if ever it was to go tits up, it's going to hurt like a bitch isn't it?

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