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Upset by what dp said but am I over reacting?

(34 Posts)
ChocolateCoins Sat 17-Nov-12 12:02:08

I have a 14 month old dd and pregnant with dc2. I'm also a SAHM.

I've been suffering from all day morning sickness, I'm really scared im going to get hyperemesis again. (extreme morning sickness, I was in hospital during last pregnancy) anyway, because of this, and the fact I have a toddler to look after, I haven't really done much housework this week. Just the essentials.

This morning, me and dp had a bit of a disagreement and it just escalated all of a sudden. He then said, I had an easy life because I don't work (Id love to know who'd pay the £700 nursery fees if I did!) and he was fed up because he had had to everything this week. He then went on to say I was lucky he didn't come home from work and beat me up because I hadn't done much housework like other men would!

I'm really upset by this. I know it sounds stupid but it scared me a little bit. I already feel quite emotional as I feel so sick and I'm worried about the future with having 2 under 2. I have no friends and all my family are hundreds of miles away. Dp doesn't help me with ddand even admits this.

Do you think I am over reacting? Is it just the pregnancy hormones making me feel like this?

gingangoolie Sat 17-Nov-12 13:19:07

Can u get in touch with your mum and get her to come and stay with you or vice versa
So sorry he said that what a thoughtless idiot

pollyblue Sat 17-Nov-12 13:27:42

Of course you're not over reacting. Severe sickness in pregnancy is horribly debilitating, and if you have a toddler to care for it's hard to rest.

He should be caring for you, not scaring the living daylights out of you. That's bloody disgraceful.

In your shoes i'd think seriously about going to your Mums with your DD until you are feeling better. And don't be afraid to tell her why.

Snazzyfeelingfestive Sat 17-Nov-12 13:36:43

How dare he say you don't work, when you do all the childcare - and much worse, how dare he think he has the right to hit you if you don't do housework! I agree with going to stay with your family for a while - you need to be around people who will look after you, not threaten to hit you!

Doha Sat 17-Nov-12 13:42:35

And you are still with him---why?????

He is not a good dad, he is not a good partner.

Do you not want better for yourself and your DD and DC to be??

Go to your parents, get your health and head better. I am sure you will see him for the useless cunt that he is

AnnaFurLact1c Sat 17-Nov-12 14:05:56

Was this his idea of a 'joke?' Was it said with menace and an air of threat or with a ' a ha ha ha ' tagged on to the end of it?

Either way, it's deeply wrong and weird but one interpretation means you probably have to make plans to leave and actually.... he's a twat regardless.

IShallCallYouSquishy Sat 17-Nov-12 14:10:36

You're lucky he doesn't beat you up? What the fuck? Well yes I guess you are lucky you aren't in an abusive relationship but who the hell would say that?!

You're pregnant, you're unwell, you have a toddler to look after and you work bloody hard doing it.

Nothing constructive to say I'm afraid but I was angry when I read that "lucky" bit. He's lucky you don't lace his dinner with arsenic.

Lovey you absolutely don't deserve this, even the whole "easy life" thing (my dad wouldn't DREAM of saying anything like that to my mum because he respects and loves her too much, even though her own family makes it very clear what they think- that she does have an easy life) and you are not overreacting at all.

You deserve to be treated with kindness and gentleness, and especially when you're feeling so bad AND you're pregnant. He shouldn't even let a disagreement escalate- you're ill.
He sounds unhinged- and you're having a very normal reaction to this, don't let him make you think it's just you being hormonal. He sounds scary to me. Has he apologised yet?

Conflugenglugen Sat 17-Nov-12 15:34:18

BristolBanshee -

"There is little correlation, according to NSPCC, that links children of DV being perps. A person that has never experienced this can also become a violent bully. It's not an excuse."

I disagree with your statement wholeheartedly. Let me count the ways:

www.domesticviolenceroundtable.org/effect-on-children.html
peekabooicu2.50megs.com/victims-predicting.html
www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/domesticviolence/domesticviolencec.cfm - See "Root Causes"

And I did not state, nor was I implying, it is an excuse. Nor did I state that those who weren't abused could not also become abusers.

strumpetpumpkin Sat 17-Nov-12 15:40:11

wha wha wha WHAT??

he said WHAT?

youre not overreacting

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