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Anyone got any experience, on the way forwards after an emotional affair...

(54 Posts)
AboutToSelfDestruct Mon 12-Nov-12 13:41:12

Its not happened yet, but I am almost certain that I'm on the brink of things slipping into EA territory. I've been married for 7 yrs and have two wonderful DC's. Won't give all the history of our relationship but its never been easy. We've had a lot of couples counselling which has helped, but things have never been quite right.
I have been fighting my feelings for OM for a year now and hoped it was just a one sided crush. Very recently we talked and I found out that he feels the same as I do, but we are both very clear that an affair would be wrong and we are just not going there. The problem is, while i can stop a physical affair taking place its impossible to deny our feelings for each other.
I'm in the place now where finally after many many years, DH says he is here and ready to offer me everything that he has been unable to give for years and years, yet I've buit up a wall of self protection and self reliance and got so used to him being distant both physically and emotionally, that I now can't let him in. If there is any chance of us fixing this know I have to let OM go but I don't think I can do that. I can't bear the thought of loosing him. I really don't know what to do sad

AboutToSelfDestruct Fri 16-Nov-12 14:45:08

...AM hand holding!

GoodGirlGoneBad74 Fri 16-Nov-12 18:02:10

Hi there
Just phoned OM and told him that really REALLY going to try and cut contact to make a go of things.....I nearly threw it all in last night and decided to embark on an affair and everything.....but it´s not me- I´m a very honset and open person and rather bad at lying so it´ll come out...I know it will, and as we both are last big try has to be worth it...even if just for our own self respect!

AboutToSelfDestruct Fri 16-Nov-12 19:02:15

Well done! But do keep that contact cut. Its so hard, but while he is 'there' it will be impossible to give things one last go with DH. Its hard enough when they are in your head, but the contact just keeps it going. I also think ahead sometimes and imagine my DC's asking me why I left their Daddy (if thats what happened) Hardly going to be able to look them in the eye if the real reason was an OM and it won't teach them any great lessons. If DH is the right one for you, you need to give him that chance. If OM is the one for you, he will still be there. Alternatively neither could be right!

GoodGirlGoneBad74 Sat 17-Nov-12 14:34:57

You are totally right! We seem to be on the same page... I'm managing to see things without being clouded by emotion now which makes it SO much easier and more straight forward to decide to do the right thing.
Still feeling a void in my life, but hoping that too will go in time :-)

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