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Best and worst ways to end a relationship?

(68 Posts)
Nonnus Thu 08-Nov-12 21:20:47

Just curious about other people's stories of best and worst ways to end things. My boyfriend of 3.5 years appears to have decided our relationship is over. We had a few cross words 3 weeks ago, and since then, nothing. I left it a few days then texted - nothing. Have rung a few times (withholding number) - no pick up.

For the past 3.5 years he has spent 3 nights a week in my home. My DCs love him. I haven't told them yet because they will be really upset and I can't face it while I still feel upset.

I find it amazing that a man of nearly 40 can behave in this way. Do other people have similar stories or am I just unlucky?

GossipWitch Sat 10-Nov-12 13:25:55

After a quickie in the bathroom my exh says "do me a favour, don't say anything to my mates about this eh?" that's how I found out he was having a relationship elsewhere !! dickhead...

EdgarAllanPond Sat 10-Nov-12 13:29:26

her relationship wasn't violent before that point. a minute of madness and that woman died and her OH got a 15 year sentence. similar almost happened to my mother (she blacked out instead of dying though) when leaving her first husband.

I would never advise my daughter to take a chance by dumping a bloke anyway other than distance, and if she really must, then in a public space.

Autumnmumm Sat 10-Nov-12 13:31:05

Been ignored until I got it, dumped by letter in short term relationships.

In the two long term living together ones previous to my marriage I was the one to say its over. first time face to face. Sober.

Second time very very drunk. but only because they behaved so badly they made me take the responsibility for ending it and then played the victim to all our mutual friends...

SoleSource England Sat 10-Nov-12 14:33:51

Yes I had an online chatting relationship last year and this and have been ignored until I got it! Another coward.

Nonnus Sat 10-Nov-12 16:31:24

Well since my OP, we have had some contact but it hasn't advanced things. I texted him after 10 days suggesting we meet for a drink to discuss things. He said he was too busy that day but "clearly we do need to talk". So I rang him twice and texted three times to arrange when - no response. Then I rang again and left a pissed-off message saying essentially "I realise that this is over but I would like to discuss it like adults and also I would like to know what to tell the DCs about you". He replied by text again saying yes we need to talk, so I said I would go to see him this weekend if he told me when wld be convenient - he hasn't replied! I have loads of his stuff and I don't particularly want him turning up at my house unexpectedly for it (would confuse the DCs) but I'm not turning up to his with it if he can't even be bothered to speak to me.

I am so annoyed now, I don't know what to do. This just isn't how you end things.

WWYD?

cuillereasoupe Sat 10-Nov-12 16:32:36

I'd been with my ex for twelve years when he got his mother to call me to tell me he'd got married while on a posting overseas shock

That was six years ago. I can almost laugh about it now.

FermezLaBouche Sat 10-Nov-12 16:38:41

After graduating I struggled to find a job in anything. After a month of reigning in the party lifestyle to adjust for the fact I wasn't earning, ex of 1.5y dumped me by text for "bringing him down." He was actually shagging anything that moved, I later found out.

7 years on I have a good career and a happy life, and he has convictions for criminal damage, sexual assault and drink driving.

FermezLaBouche Sat 10-Nov-12 16:41:07

He is a coward and I would be livid at his patheticness. Especially as your poor dc are involved. Shove all his stuff into a bin liner with a dog turd hidden inside so it's ready to give him and there won't be any need for prolonged rummaging around your house. I do appreciate how this could be tricky without your dc wondering what's going on.
I really he hope he pulls his socks up and that you're ok!

I would text him and say

"I can't be bothered talking about it at this stage. It's clear that there is nothing left to talk about. But I have stuff belonging to you and I don't want you coming here and confusing the children. When and where will I meet you to hand it over. And bare in mind that UK not holding on to it for more than a few days".

JurassicFart Sat 10-Nov-12 18:22:39

What a feckless man. Agree with the others, there is nothing you need to talk about now, what's it going to add to the situation? Stick his stuff in a black bag, tell him he can get it between the hours of X otherwise you'll be throwing it away. He hasn't shown you much courtesy, he's lucky you haven't taken his stuff to the tip.

TheOnlyPersonInTheDarkDarkRoom Sat 10-Nov-12 19:01:01

I had a friend who was with her DP for 8 years, engaged with mortgage together. One day she took the day off work, waited til he'd gone to work, then moved all her stuff out without any explanation. He was lovely and she was 'bored of him'. The rest was done through solicitors.

Much like your 'DP' OP, she was a coward.

meditrina Sat 10-Nov-12 19:07:30

One of mine decided he'd rather be with a previous GF. And sent her to tell me. Lucky escape?

fayster Sat 10-Nov-12 19:12:55

OP, put all of his things into a bin bag, and text him a (reasonable) time and date to collect it. If he fails to show or rearrange, put it out with the rubbish.

Worst dumping? My 57 yr old exP (living together for 5 years, but recently moved out, telling me and his family it was only temporary and would be back) changed his relationship status to single on FB, leading to me finding him in bed with someone else. I know I sound naive, but I had actually asked if we were over when he said he wanted to move out, and he insisted we weren't, he just wanted to work on our relationship from a distance!

seaofyou Sat 10-Nov-12 19:40:49

At 5 months pregnant ( due scan in 3 days) ex said he was going home to parents for a few days he got violent night before for first time. 6 weeks later when I managed to get hold of him he said he was in love with another woman and loved her kids more than 'it' ( what he called his unborn baby) and was moving abroad I was nearly 7 months pregnant. He had connected with her 4 months earlier off Internet dating site.

It takes a while but the relief I am not with that Narcissist anymore is a blessing.

ipswichwitch Sat 10-Nov-12 20:04:45

ExP of 8 years walked out on me on New Year's Eve, while I was ill in bed with gastroenteritis. Got a text hours later telling me he wanin a pub alone (yeah right), and he needed to sort his head out. There was weeks of back and forth, then an email telling me he was going to Thailand with his mate to "find himself" and we would talk when he got back. As if I didn't already know it wa all over at that point, he decided to send me an email to my work address telling me it was over the second he got back from Thailand. Cue me being sent home by the boss as I'd turned into a sobbing wreck.

Then, when I said I wanted the house and finances sorted and all his stuff removed ASAP, he started backtracking, so I had months of hell dealing with the useless twat and his "can't believe it's all over", and messing about not signing papers that he promised he would.

i did feel much better at the end of all this wrangling when he turned up uninvited and unannounced to see his cat he'd left behind, (poor little cat was v ill) and I informed him that I was seeing someone and not to contact me ever again now the legal stuff was all done. He actually had the nerve to look all hurt!

Nonnus Sun 11-Nov-12 00:11:00

Thanks for all your stories, I am glad I am not the only one with an idiot partner.

This evening he texted to tell me he would be arriving at my house shortly. I thought "I don't think so" because the DCs are away and I knew I didn't want to be left alone late at night, upset.

So I told him I wasn't there (which at the time I wasn't). Which led to a phone conversation in which he shouted a lot about how shit I had been and I pointed out that yes, we'd had an argument but I had been the one to contact him in the end (not the other way round). Anyway he wanted to come round so I said ok, but i don't want you to come and we have an upsetting conversation and then you leave. He suggested that we had stuff to discuss so i said i could go home and he came.

When he arrived i was so happy to see him, we talked about the relationship stuff and I thought actually we could move forward. But then he said that as I hadn't contacted him for 10 days (even though in the end it was me who contacted him - I broke the silence), clearly this relationship was not working and it had to end.

I'm very humiliated to say I begged him to stay. He refused.

I feel like a failure, and love and hate him in equal measure. I know he has someone else because he just is not the sort of man to end something without the next prospect lined up.

Bleurgh. How do I feel better?

SirBoobAlot Sun 11-Nov-12 00:19:44

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape to be honest. What a prize arsehole.

Big hugs. xx

FermezLaBouche Sun 11-Nov-12 00:53:39

Please please please re-read this tomorrow. He's put you in a place of humiliation and shame.....but I kind of get the feeling you'd do anything to keep him sad

He is no "prize" to be won by the woman who can cook the best dinners/iron the best shirts/give the best blow jobs..... he's a waste of space who will exploit everyone and everything he comes across.

Nonnus Sun 11-Nov-12 07:57:24

I've re-read it Fermez, but I still feel absolutely shite.

FermezLaBouche Sun 11-Nov-12 08:18:40

Sorry for the bluntness of my last post... he is messing you about because he recognises his position of power. How dare he pin it on you "because you haven't contacted in ten days you can't think very much of this relationship, etc etc".
I think you're right about having someone else lined up, so this is the point where you just have to accept it and switch off. And I still think a well-hidden turd among his belongings is a plan...
Hope you're feeling better this morning.

Nonnus Sun 11-Nov-12 08:30:15

Thanks Fermez. I let him take his stuff. Turd-free.

It's funny, you'd think this stuff would get easier, having been through a few breakups before and come out the other side. But it isn't.

FermezLaBouche Sun 11-Nov-12 08:36:10

No, it's absolutely crap. And the shit part isn't necessarily the breaking up - most relationships come to an end at some point - it's the deceptive, cowardly, disrespectful, treat-you-like-rubbish way many men decide to go about it.

happyinherts Sun 11-Nov-12 08:50:34

Nonnus, he is a coward like a lot of men it seems. He couldn't face telling you the truth so he turns it around and blames you for not communicating. He knows it's bull, you know it's bull, but hey same result, he wanders off free of guilt to pursue something with somebody else. I am very very sorry and whoever wrote that he isn't a 'prize' - spot on. You will come to realise it soon and you deserve better.

I've been on the receiving end of "I've been talking out of my cock. I can't see you because I feel guilty" And when I've asked what do you feel guilty about - wham bang disappear of planet earth. Let them do that. You're free now to take some time to yourself and family and reallise that you can do better than him.

wonderingsoul Sun 11-Nov-12 09:13:42

exhusband. --- had moved country to set up hom,e for his return. about month n half later his sister told me via myspace that we where getting a divorce.

ex boybrifiend. you know i love you and your the best t hing ever to happen to me.. i want to break up.

funnly enough the second hurt the most!

Nonnus Sun 11-Nov-12 09:19:02

Some of these stories are dreadful.

My previous boyfriend - another 3 year relationship - told me at the airport on the way home from a 2 week holiday with my DCs (during which he'd been very frisky) that I should not bother attending the party at his house that all our friends were coming to two days later, as his new partner was moving in with him the next day. Then the flight home was delayed for six hours sad.

I have to say, I am wondering now if it is me.

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