Give me strength The Wright Stuff is doing a phone in on sexless marriages tomorrow.

[carernotasaint]

I dont think that this sensationalist show is the right place to discuss such a serious topic.
Apparently they are doing it because of an article in the Telegraph. (i found out by going to Wright Stuffs fb page while looking up publicity on the recent workfare court case.)
Most people on here know my situation and ive already decided not to watch this today as i think the sensationalist way it will be handled will very probably be sexist mysogynistic and extemely upsetting. Apparently a woman wrote in to the Telegraph about not wanting to have sex with her husband anymore and they are basing it on that.
In my case though my dh hasnt wanted to sleep with me for 16 years. I bet they wouldnt cover it if the genders were reversed.
And what are they going to call the this section of the show?
Is it OK to stray if my spouse wont play.

I can't see why you're objecting except possibly because it hits a nerve. Plenty of TV shows talk about sex, bodily functions and other private/personal/serious subjects. I don't know if the specific programme is usually sensationalist but anything that's on TV has to be reasonably entertaining or it might as well be an OU lecture. The researchers will presumably find a few men in sexless marriages as well as women. You might be quite content with your set-up but there will be others that aren't, find it embarassing to talk about it with friends and family, and could find a TV discussion useful.

What? You think television shows should run their topics passed you first in case you find the subject upsetting?
Every topic on every show will be guaranteed to be distressing and 'close to the bone' to someone watching.

I see nothing remotely wrong with a discussion about sexless marriages.

Best remedy. Don't watch. Read a book.

I understand what you're saying OP but The Wright Stuff discuss subjects every day which they are poorly qualified and inadequately informed to enter into.

It's a 'don't like, don't watch' for me.

What I don't get about The Wright Stuff & probably other programs like it is that it can spend 5 minutes discussing something serious, then say 'sorry we're out of time' and in the next breath go onto something totally trivial. It seems a little tactless to me. But then maybe this format is the only way some people have & I guess if it helps one person start up a dialogue then it's not in vain.

I don't watch it though (as I'm usually watching JK on the other side )

Cognito im not content with my set up at all.
Mrs Hels Bels74 has summed up why i dont think its the right show to be discussing this topic.
Im not saying it shouldnt be discussed on tv at all just that this is the wrong show to do it on.
Im glad the subject is actually being discussed though. Too many people see it as taboo.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1286778-Do-partners-who-dont-want-sex-have-the-right-to-object-to-their-partners-having-sex-elsewhere?pg=4

My situation is explained on this thread from last year Cognito. It starts on page 4.

Cognito you have made a lot of assumptions about me without knowing all the facts purely basing it on the fact that i dont like sensationalist tv shows. I cant talk to my family either due to them being INCREDIBLY straight laced. My mum was also brought up a strict Catholic in a different culture.

carer there's the whole matter of personal choice and I'd like to understand why you haven't exercised it. If you've no children (?), you essentially have always had the choice to leave but chose not to. If there were kids involved I'd understand, but I think you're needlessly 'taking on' this situation when you didn't ever have to and it's like you're looking for someone to blame. Can you give the reasons why you never just left when you could've done so pretty easily?

Re this comment, I bet they wouldnt cover it if the genders were reversed., there might be many in your situation but straight off the top of my head, without any statistics, I'd say there are overwhelmingly more in the reverse situation. That's the way females are set up, biologically.. it stands to reason. But again, and I've made this point before, to me it's more about two people being in a particular situation rather than man and woman, man and man etc, ie the problem relates to a low/no-libido partner of either sex, the sex of the person is not the point.

Hell to the no my posts on the thread in the link should explain things.

Thats the way females are set up biologically?
So why is Fifty Shades selling so many copies then?
Why were the Black Lace books so popular.
Sorry but thats a very stereotypical comment.

I bet my exp rubbed his hands with glee watching that programme. There is always a reason for sex issues. Ours was that I don't respond well to emotional abuse and. Unreasonable pressure to perform sex acts I didnt want to. Him and Matthew weight and all the other wankers can go jump as far as I'm concerned :p

Whenever I've watched "The Wright Stuff" I've found they have allowed both sides of the story to be expressed and therefore has been as balanced as a show like that can be. I didn't watch this episode though so can't comment in this case unfortunately.

carer,I am so sorry for your set up.
I have been and read your link.
I think this subject has hit a nerve for you,and understandably.I dont watch the programme you refer to,so have no idea whether it is suitable or not.Hopefully it has been handled well.I think you do agree that it is better to have an item about it rather than the subject be a taboo.

What I have been unable to understand,is why your DH will not even give you hugs,and touch you.
Have you any ideas why that is?
It sounds like it is not you personally,it sounds like he has a problem tbh.

I'm talking about the group of females who have the no-libido problem in a long-termer v the group of males who have the same problem; I'm guessing the female group is bigger, in part because of the biological imperative. I could absolutely be proven wrong by some statistic out there. Clearly I'm not talking about all women, just the group under discussion.
Also, I'm saying that the problem of mismatched drives can be a problem for both men and women so I don't see why you would have a problem with a woman with no libido being the focus on a program like this, rather than a man.

Won't plough through that thread but suffice it to say, there's no reason under the sun that would've made me stay in the situation you're in (unless kids, and even then). Let's face it, the no libido wasn't sprung on you, you knew two years before you married the guy. What are you now? 39? Fine if you don't want to break free but y'know, own that decision. You can't just unspecifically hit out at people/things because of this problem in your life because, of your own accord, you could've broken free of that problem long ago.

Hell to the no there is a website called experienceproject.com which shoes a pretty even split between the 2 groups actually.
Also the female group might appear bigger because in many cases where the man doesnt want sex, the female in the relationship feels she has to keep quiet. When a woman reveals that her partner doesnt want sex with her she is usually bombarded with advice like "to step back and not put pressure on him" (and ive seen that advice given to people on other threads.) ive seen other women in this situation get told to lose some weight and take care of thier appearance more.
And yet in the opposite situation where its the female who doesnt want sex she often gets told to go to her GP and see whats wrong.
Whether its the man who doesnt want sex or the woman who doesnt want it, society and the patriarchy always seem to blame it on the woman and THATS what i have a problem with.

"Wont plough through the thread"
"the no ibido wasnt sprung on you you knew 2 years before you married the guy"

so you must have ploughed through some of the thread then!

I saw it and it was a well balanced discussion imo

btw it was hosted by Kay whatsername and not MW

When a woman reveals that her partner doesnt want sex with her she is usually bombarded with advice like "to step back and not put pressure on him

Obviously that's the wrong advice, ie where her partner wants NO sex. But where the sex life is pretty damn good by any standards, and either partner is pressuring the other for more, the advice would be somewhat different, from me any road.

As for losing weight etc, if a woman thinks that would make her feel better in herself, go for it, but she should certainly not do it for anyone else.

I read that one post on the page you linked to where you actually pretty much gave the full picture, ie you married someone knowing there wasn't a sex life, you had an affair (don't blame you), ended the affair (good move if he was a twunt) and decided not to make any major life-changing decisions, even though you could have. Life is really very much about the choices we make imo. You're 39, you could be having a great life with someone including a great sex life, but you've decided not to, like YOU have decided not to, nobody else made that decision for you.

I'm not trying to get at you, just trying to point out that the potential for change rests with you really. Listening to that program may or may not give you extra insights but really what's changed since 20 years ago when your BF clearly wasn't interested in sex? Square peg, round hole, if you'll excuse the pun.

Hell to the no you make some good points in the post at 21.15
The foosa thanks for that. If it was hosted by Kaye Adams and prob not as sensationalised as i thought it was going to be i might see if its on Demand 5.