Please come and tell me what (if anything) you would do about this...

[quinne]

We moved back to England this summer after living abroad for several years and DS1 (age 7) started at the local school, his first time ever in school or with lots of english speaking children.
The problem is that he says that the other kids won't play with him in the playground. He says he went round asking every group if he could join in today and they all said "no". this was both at break time and at lunchtime and he told us the same story yesterday. As far as I can tell he was playing with them for a while a few weeks ago, but for some reason it seems to have stopped. He says he felt like crying today but stopped himself because he didn't want the other children to see him upset.
I don't know if it's true or not and if it is true, is there anything I can do about it? Are the kids just cliquey or is there something about my son that other kids don't like? Is this something I can help him with? Can the school help? Am i just overreacting?
Don't beat me up for this please... i am feeling upset as it is... but I'd appreciate advice or other experiences to find out what i can and should do...??

[littlebrownmouse]

Aaw, that's a shame. Go into school and have a chat with the teacher/ head (depending on how the school works and is set up). They sgould be able to do something to get him involved with other kids. Strategies I've used include - selecting a group of similar kids to do certain jobs with the one who is being left out eg. watering the plants, librarians etc so that they have to work together and get to know each other, lots of group work in class with me selecting the groups, friendship and nurture groups with small groups, having a word with other childrne about how difficult it is settling into a new school etc., having a word with other children about their responsibilities regarding looking after members of their class 'team', various activities in RE/PSHE that encourage children to empathise.
Hope it gets sorted out.

[captainpig]

Don't hesitate in speaking to the teacher about this, I'm sure they can help. The sooner the better.

[MissGreatBritain]

I think maybe a lot of children go through this at some stage, I know both of mine did. Try to talk to the teacher, as it probably is just a phase and things will right themselves within a week or so. Try not to worry, although I know it's heart-breaking to think that they're all alone and wanting to cry .

[BreadAndJam]

I would tell him to stop asking and just join in. Maybe you could talk with him/show him, about how to join in and start playing with other children.
It sounds like he maybe sees himself as different to the others and he is asking permission to join in and be accepted. I would encourage him to just join in and maybe talk about how it isn't just him that is different in some ways to the others, there will be lots of others who are differetn to others but who are accepted by the group and he can be too. Ifswim?

[MrsMalcolmTucker]

Just wanted to second that - definitely speak to the teacher. In our school, they have different strategies for making sure no-one's left out: friendship bench, discussions in class etc. I'm sure they can help your son.

[Sexonlegs]

Children can be so mean can't they?

We had a similar issue with dd1 (6.5) and I went to speak to the teacher about it. Slightly different circumstances, but she suggested asking 1 or 2 children home for tea, and gave me a couple of names of the girls who were in dd's group.

Hope you are ok.

[quinne]

The funny thing is we did have a boy from his class home just two days ago. They were becoming friends last half-term and I invited him last week (2nd visit). TBH the other child is a handful - very cheeky - but DS1 seemed to like him so Dh and i just smiled and got on with it. However these last two days, he has been the ringleader in banning DS1 from the football game (yesterday) and the basketball game (today).

[quinne]

Isn't playtime supposed to be supervised? Wouldn't someone see a child all on their own and keep an eye on the situation?

[Barrelofloves]

There should be a 'buddy system' at school, it's an anti bullying measure designed to be inclusive, where older children organise and play games with children who are left out.

Please ask your school what inclusive policies are operating in the playground, and let them know. This is a problem that will be easily rectified if others are aware, please don't just wait and see.

Other things you can do, get involved with the school's PTA, have plenty of play dates and get an excuse for your son to take a cake/sweets in to share with the class- guaranteed popularity.

Good luck and take what he says seriously, never brush it off. This is a good step, please let us know what happens.

[winestein]

Quinne, that must be really hard for you both and DS. I do feel for you.

I absolutely agree with everyone who has said to go and talk to his teacher. Whilst playtimes are supervised, there are very few adults to children ratio so they don't really notice children on their own - just the ones that talk/cry the most. If you talk to the teacher, the teacher will become aware of the problem - he or she may not have noticed the playground interaction as they focus on classroom attainment.

Go talk and let us know how you get on