I feel gutted that ds told me this morning that he doesn,t play with anyone at school

[crazyashell]

Hi
I feel really upset today, sorry probably hypersensitive on anything to do with my ds.
However I moved him to a new school in which he was the only new boy in class.
The move seemed to go okay which I felt reassured about and at a parent discussion evening I had with his teacher going back to around the end of september reassured me all the more so as my ds's teacher told me that he was doing really well and was very popular with lots of friends and that everyone was always eager to chat to my ds.
My ds has not had any playdates as yet at this school and doesn,t really show too much interest when I ask him if there is anyone that he would like to come one of the days.
He seems to have made good friends with one boy in his class and I have seen them together and they do seem to get on well my ds did ask for this boy to come to our house but this boys mom wasn,t that forthcoming with the offer.
I have not been able to establish if there are other good relationships he has established and he never communicates that well with me on this sort of thing.
However this morning he was asking for a boy from his old school to come over and I said okay thats fine but I also said again to him that maybe it would be nice if he started to have someone from his new school.
He seems to clam up when I mention this and he then told me that he doesn,t like any of them and that he never plays with any of them and that none of them are his friends.
I asked him if he plays with the boy that he seems to have made a friend out of and he told me that this boy also plays with another one and that this other boy won,t let him play as well and is always mad at him.
He said that at first everyone played with him but not now.
I feel quite sad today and I am not sure what to do or even if maybe my ds is exagerating on this.
I feel like driving up and watching him on the playground to see what I find.
Do you think I should have a word with his teacher about him.
I can,t bear to think of him with no friends at school.

[ColdEffinTurkey]

Sorry to hear this

How old is your DS?

[cmotdibbler]

Speak to his teacher - from reading MN it seems that a lot of children will say that no one plays with them when actually they are.

[crazyashell]

He is 7.
I am not sure what to do and I don,t want to go over the top with questioning my ds as I think it just makes things worse and I don,t always get that much sense out of him.
I feel that I would like to talk to his teacher about him.

[potoftea]

Have a word with his teacher as soon as you can. This may be enough to reassure you, or may mean that the teacher becomes aware if there is a problem, and nip it in the bud before it gets worse.

But.....chances are he has made some friends and does play with people. However he may miss his old friends and be thinking of them with "rose-tinted glasses", and only remembering the good times.
It does take time to move from the stage of being the new, interesting, novelty in the class, to actually being one of the usual gang. And maybe your ds is just in this interm period.

Maybe organise a little party or sleepover with a few boys, to encourage the friendships.

I do sympathise, because if one of my dc mentioned not having friends, or friends not playing with them, it was like a knife to my heart, and I'd worry for the day, until they came home, most likely full of chat about their fun day at school.

[Lemontart]

I am so sorry to hear this. I have a 7 yr old who often finds it hard to find someone to play with at lunch time. She has been there since the start and has established friendship groups, just not always the right people wanting to play the same game/any game with her. Occasionally she comes home and asks if we can move house so we can find her a new school but then the next day will come home bubbly and happy again. You might find he could bounce back again after a few days. This time of year they are often tired/run down and more likely to be upset or irritable, lots of falling out of friendships in our school right now.

I think you should speak to the teacher at the end of school tonight to get a clearer picture. The "other boy" stopping him joining in sounds like it is worth investigating a little too. Obviously, children can be quite black or white about things and this might be a one off comment/reaction to a little boy mishandling a social situation and he might react totally differently towards your DS today. However, it is still worth mentioning to the teacher. He/she might be able to reassure you that 99% of the time he is playing happily or they might take note of it and be able to help your son join in.
Whatever the case, I definitely think it is worth airing your concerns with the teacher.

Hope he has a better day today x

[crazyashell]

If I am honest as well I have found the moving of schools a bit difficult myself I am quite a shy person and have not really managed to get to know anyone.
It doesn,t help matters I know.
He does keep in touch with a handful of his old mates from infant school and I miss seeing him run off with his mates across the football field having a play and a roll about the grass before going home.
I don,t see any of this at his new school they come out and cross the road and off home.
I could clearly always see at infant school that he had many friends but its not so easy at this new one.

[silverbirch]

A long time ago ? but I clearly remember when I moved to a new school in the middle of the school year as a child?the first few weeks were fine, everyone wanting to ?look after me? and play with the new girl, then a period of being unhappy and lonely as the novelty wore off and I found it hard to break in to established friendship groups and was ?homesick? for the old school. This passed though - although my parents did raise it with the teachers and perhaps they subtly helped ? and by following term I was a happy member of the class.

[nappyaddict]

When I was at primary school there was a friendship bench that you could got and sit on if you felt lonely. If anyone saw you on it they would come over and ask you to play. Could you suggest something like that at DS' school?

[ColdEffinTurkey]

I agree with everything that potoftea has said.

Have a quiet word with his teacher.

DS2 is 4 and is always telling tales of not having friends. But my next door neighbour is a TA in his class and said none of it's true.

Your DS is older though so I would take his words a bit more seriously but try and keep in mind that children do go through phases of chopping and changing friends (DS1 is 12 and this happened all the way through junior school) so it could be a mixture of that and still feeling like the new boy.

Speak to the teacher as soon as you can for your own peace of mind as much as anything because it's awful when you feel helpless to do anything to help them

Good luck

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Def speak to your DS's teacher, not only might she put your mind at rest that your DS does play with others, she might also suggest names of boys that might be worth pursuing as playdate material.

Also, I know it is difficult, but could you try to get to know the other mothers a bit better, this might ease things for DS a bit. I do sympathise, we moved house and my DS (now yr 2)had to move schools during reception after being with the same group of children since toddler group stage and it hasn't been easy but he has got friends now.

Best of luck

[crazyashell]

Hi A bit of an update I did speak with his teacher today and she was surprised and said that my ds always seems to be chatting away and has always got someone around him to play with.
She turned to my ds and said in a nice gentle way that I think you have been telling mom a few lies.
So there you go maybe I need to relax a bit.
I am going to encourage some playdates as it can only help if I get to know poeple better as well.

[Flyonthewindscreen]

Glad to hear your DS is making friends after all