should I change dd's school?

[dougal3]

Hello m-netters. I posted earlier under another thread (Ofsted - mystified) and one m-netter's response has set me thinking.
Backstory (beware, it's tedious): We moved and along with that we moved our children from a very good school to a school i would rate as mediocre. It's a safe school; no really alarming behavioural incidents (if you're a London mum, you'll know what I mean) but it has no "add-ons"; no curricular enrichment, no art, no music, no sport, no clubs, few trips; the teaching is lack-lustre and is delivered at the most minimal level. It's Sat results are in the 70s.
Two things; having had my kids elsewhere, I know that many schools offer more and it makes a difference. 1.) Even if the SAT results aren't brilliant, schools that just have a bit of "zing" about them can do that wonderful thing of opening the door to the world for children. 2.) The local secondary school is good but it streams children according to SAT results. Children need high 4s/5s to get into the top stream. There are (as always) behaviour issues in the lower streams. Given that the school achieves very few level 4s, it can be assumed it achieves fewer level 5s.
My dh says we just put in the extra work ourselves - but he means me (!) and I have to go into full-time employment soon. So that's not realistic.
Dd is only little and has already changes school once. In addition, we are along way from any school that is significantly either zingier or SATier and miles from one that is both.
Should I even be considering moving her given that she' been moved once?
I really am going round in circles on this one. Please help.

[gigglewitch]

have you tried doing lists of pro's and con's?
I think that I would be tempted to go for the best available... but I'm so far away from london that there is no way I have a clue what it's like to move schools / get child to and from school / etc.

BUMP anyway

[dougal3]

Thank you Ms Witch. That, if nothing else, will stop my brain from running around, chasing it's tail. And it's interesting (well, maybe not for anyone else,); part of me feels guilty for thinking that I should go hunting out a "better" school. Some part of me thinks it's sort of "cheating" not to attend the local school. And then the other bit of me thinks that's mad, since we're in London and they're all more local than my childhood school. Weird. I need therapy.

[MingMingtheWonderPet]

Is there any possibility of leaving your DD where she is for Infants and then moving her to start Yr3, or would that feel like you were just putting off the inevitable?

Do other local schools have vacancies at the moment, or would you be prepared to join a waiting list?

[dougal3]

Hello. Cat64 - Yes, local is important. The out of school stuff, lack of, has been complained about for some time. My guess is that it will come in time and with effort. But how old will dd be? and how much effort is it possible to put in? I'm happy to do a lot, and have done, but one of the things that demoralises me most is the level of resistance and the whole uphillness of it. It's odd because the intake is i.m.o a very easy one, so why the staff don't take the risk of letting the kids do more is beyond me.
Hello Ming ming - The waiting list thing is what scares me. Realistically, I know many schools will have waiting lists forever, and we may always live too far to get in anywhere. Sorry to sound gloomy, but when we left the last school, the Head told me that the child who would get his place (a yr 5 place) had been waiting for 4 years and mum had been phoning every half term to ask for news. They also had several others on the list doing just the same.
In an ideal world, I really wouldn't like to move her so soon after her first move but should I start looking now?

[gigglewitch]

ok, diff scenario but same gist iyswim. We pay a relative fortune to live in a particular area of town so our dc can go to a state primary in the top ten nationally. We could have paid half the property price, lived a mile nearer to town, and erm well let the children go to whatever's available. Many of which I've taught in (and therefore why my dc don't go to them, in truth )

Your children's education is important and I think that as a parent you have to be happy with whatever choices you make for them. If you're not happy atm, which appears to be the case, then make the changes - if only to feel that you have done whatever is within your power to do.

sorry - were you hoping to get 'nice' replies saying "they're fine wherever they are"

[Heated]

I'm not sure why working full-time precludes you from enriching your dd's education . I'm a firm believer that the biggest influence on a child's school success are the parents.

Also surprised that the secondary school streams on the basis of SATS which are notoriously unreliable and differ from school to school. Most secondaries use CATs, administered themselves in the first few weeks of term.

I do understand your concerns. If there are better alternatives and she can get into them, then move her. If not then get wholeheartedly behind the school she's at.

[dougal3]

Gigglewitch - actually, no, 'nice' replies are what I've been getting from well-meaning friends. This discussion is helping me sort out how I feel and I'm feeling more and more strongly that this is not the school for dd. Whether we can actually do anything about it is another matter.
Oddly enough, I used to have a friend at the new school who moved recently. I'd spent some time wibbling on to her about whether it was just me, or was the school a bit ... . She phoned me recently and told me that, now her child was at another school, she understood what I had been going on about and she suggested very strongly that I go check out some schools.
So thank you.
Questioon now, I suppose, is how I go about doing this, when I should do it, and how on earth will I ever trust my judgement again. Aaaagh.

[dougal3]

Heated - Enriching - I'm dreading working full-time. We're miles from public transport here and can only afford one car - which dh has first dibs on owing to working a very, very long way away. From most "employment" areas in London it takes about 1.5 hours to get home. 6+1.5=7.30p.m., when kids are often a bit too knackered to be enriched.
I'm worried I'll never see them!!!
Obviously, I'll be looking for something cunning, that fits around the dc, but even my teacher friends work v. long hours, and I'm not a teacher.
I have to say, it was only when dh was spelling out the time-frame about me returning to work and I did the maths and realised that home-enrichment was not going to be much of an option, that I started to get seriously questioning.
Agree with you totally about CATS/SATS.

Sorry, I've realised I've actually unloaded my misery about impending f/t work. I'm really, really unhappy about that.

[gigglewitch]

get in touch with ...
~ schools you would like your dd to attend (by phone) Arrange to visit them.
~ LEA (they may have a slightly diff response from the school)
~ Put your wishes in writing where possible, to the head and / or chair of governors
~ State if your child has any additional needs
~ state why you wish to apply for a place at that particular school. Strangely enough, if you can cite childcare reasons for your request then this tends to be looked upon favourably.

Any use? otherwise ask around and check out the conditions and criteria for entrance to schools via the LEA book, school prospectus or website.

[Heated]

Does it have to be London dougal 3?

And what are the options school wise?

[dougal3]

Gigglewitch - thank you! That is very concrete. And anticipates quite a few questions (which is strangely alliterative sentence.).
Yes, it does have to be London. (Sigh.) The options are actually not brilliant. Schools very close by are less lovely than current school. Schools further out are very good. "Ah!" I hear you say, "that is, surely, good." But no, this is London and different rules apply. They are "popular" and thus oversubscribed.
But anyway, I've at least made up my mind as to how I feel. That is a start. Thank you for helping with that - and it really did help.
And thank you, Gigglewitch, for your concrete suggestions. I'm going to make a start. Will you be around if I ever put up a post asking how to ace the London schools admissions procedure?
I think I must go to bed now, I'm seeing double.
Thank you for posting. This really has been driving me a it mad - even though I'm sure it seems silly from the outside.
Goodnight, sweet m-netters!

[dougal3]

Heated - sorry, didn't personally thank you last night - too tired by last post! Your suggestions were pragmatic and I think pretty much summed up what I will do; move her if poss., try our best to get behind school if imposs. Thank you - it helped crystallise the way my thoughts were turning.
Serious thank yous to everybody who replied. It's so lovely of you to have taken the time to chat about what is really a v. small problem in the vast, vast world. I do think this is an amazing site.

[Heated]

That's the loveliest thank you I've ever had on MN ,not sure it was deserved though, as I too was tired and more concise in my tone than usually.

[dougal3]

Heated - I'm charmed!!
Watchtheworld - Wow, that's cheering. Close friends have assured me that if I move dd, I will be setting her up for attachment issues requiring serious therapy in later life. It's really, really good to hear a happy story. Oh - and she actually managed to get a place in a more her-shaped school too (which means your judgment was accurate.) That's happy x 2! Or maybe even 3!!
I'm really pleased it all worked out for you.

[UnfortunatelyMurderedMe]

Im the mumsnetter that got you thinking. Sorry I was hoping someone else would come back to the thread and settle your mind. They didnt.
If this really is haunting you, and you KNOW what your dd is missing out on, go have a look round other schools.
Get yourself on waiting lists.

[ingles2]

You've got to go with your gut instinct dougal.
my boys were at an ok village school, they were happy enough and I kept persuading myself that with my support they'd be fine. But with lots of friends in London with children at good progressive schools was aware that our school was just not doing enough.
As time went on I realised that actually ds2 was doing pretty badly and decided it was time for them to change, but it took me nearly 2 years to make this decision.
I so wish I hadn't procastinated. Their new school is fantastic, disciplined, friendly, forward thinking, sporty..."zingy"! They love it and are so much happier. I hadn't even registered that the reason ds2 refused to do any work was because he wasn't happy.
The good thing for me is that we don't live in London and there was no waiting list.
If I was you, Go and look at all the schools in the vicinity, hopefully one will jump out at you, like it did us and do whatever you can to get your dd in .
Please be aware though that schools you visit might well inform your current school.
Good luck.

[dougal3]

Wow Ingles2 - That last sentence is SCAREY! The Head would NOT take looking around well! I'm actually giggling with fear in a slightly ludicrous way as I type. That's genuinely quite a worry. Thanks for the warning. I'll have to think of a cover story. Can't imagine what that would be.
Other than the warning (and I seem to remember the school secretary at this school saying something to that effect when dd joined!-which now seems ominous!!) that is another really good outcome to bear in mind. You've put your finger on the not-quite-believing-it-really-isn't-quite-right syndrome too. Thanks.
Ms. Unfortunately - No, don't worry. I think it's more that it brought something I'd been fuzzily mulling over into focus. (It's that not-quite-believing... syndrome thingy.) Really, people have been reassuring me about the school situation for ages and quite clearly, that didn't resonate with the experience I was having. So I think I was waiting, but not even quite aware I was waiting, for someone to say what you and others have said. Clearly, I had made up my mind but hadn't quite acknowledged it to myself.
It feels very good to have reached this phase.
Now for phase two ....
Much love, everyone, I'm off to bed.

[ingles2]

I know! Can I recommend lying at least just when you phone up to make the appointments and view. When you've found the school you like you'll have to bite the bullet. Say you are moving to the area.
The day I phoned.. just phoned the schools to make appointments to view, I went to school for pick up and the Head was waiting at the gate for me wanting to know why we were moving!!!!!

[MollieO]

As a single mum with a 1.5 - 2 hr commute (each way) I can confirm that 'enriching' your dc's life is hard but not impossible. We do the needful during the week (when we are both tired!) and do the rest at the weekend - lots of fun things together.It is like anything in life, if you want it to happen you find a way to make it so.

From your other thread and here it sounds as if you need to have a look at other schools. Good luck.

[gigglewitch]

just sticking my nose round the door to see how it's going, I ended up disappearing a tad unexpectedly last night when DD decided to get up -again [which should be another thread entirely !] - sorry!
Glad you seemed to find my ramblings of some use, and thankyou for your appreciation
Hope you make some headway with your decisions and starting round one of the erm challenge
Good luck and go for it. Hope folks with london-type info turn up some time soon

[dougal3]

Thank you for popping back, Gigglewitch, I feel cared for! Ingles2, that's more good advice; maybe I'll try implying my reticence is down to my having a Secret Service job. Seriously, thanks for the suggestions. MollieO, thank you and good luck to you too. Have a lovely evening, and many, many thanks. xx