Is this bullying?

(12 Posts)
MerryMarigold Wed 28-Sep-16 20:07:39

Ds1 was bullied quite a lot in YR and Y1. He has very low self confidence and some mild SEN which really affected him the early years. From Y2 the classes were mixed, he found a good friend and generally things were ok, although all teachers say he needs to be more confident. (Yeah right, it's that easy!). He's always been a bit 'vulnerable' but seemed to be ok with his 1 close friend, and a few other peripheral friends.

We moved when he was going into Y5 and he did not settle at all well last year. The bullying was mostly quite subtle, exclusion from groups (I can see in the morning when I drop him how he hangs about on the fringe of them all). By the end there was some physical violence and school dealt with it well. This year seemed to get off to a better start but recently ds1 has been very self conscious about his hair. He gets called 'Cringe fringe' and people say, "I'm glad you're getting a hair cut." He was going on and on about a haircut when he didn't really need one. Now I know why. His hair looks great, he has it cut by a good barber but doesn't always put tons of gel in. (The non gel days are 'Cringe Fringe'). He also had to pretend to be the character 'Cringe Fringe' in order to be given some Match Attax (they never materialised of course). They also point out that his football kit is old season and his shoes are not the latest expensive Nike/ Adidas. They are Adidas but apparently they are from 2007 hmm they were new this term. Is this commenting on his appearance just 'what kids do' in Y6 and they would do it to anyone, or is it bullying? Today he had a bad cold but also really didn't want to go to school, and I can't face him being unhappy for another whole year. I really thought they were letting him in a bit. I am meeting the teacher tomorrow to talk through some of his issues at the moment and see if he can sit with some other kids who he doesn't know so well. Any advice of what I could say or how to approach this? I feel so oversensitive to bullying as he had such a bad time when he first started school and he was so unhappy, really changed him. I don't want the teacher to think I am ridiculously over protective. Also, do I get the haircuts and the shoes and the kits (we could afford it, but I was waiting for his birthday in November). Or is that just caving in to peer pressure?

CuddlesAndCupcakes Wed 28-Sep-16 20:21:29

No it's not what kids in year 6 do, it is called bullying - it actually upset me reading this, please speak to his teacher ASAP.

flowers

Bluepowder Wed 28-Sep-16 20:44:22

It's bullying and manipulative. Teachers should also be helping with the low self-confidence.

Lymmmummy Wed 28-Sep-16 21:01:41

Feel for you

It does sound like bullying and I think you should raise it with the school and see if they have any strategies to suggest

As well as this I wonder is there any other activities he does or could do outside of school where he might make other friends and create self esteem in a more neutral setting especially given that he will be starting secondary school where perhaps he may get a fresh start so even if it is rubbish and the school can't or won't find a solution could you start the process of getting him ready for his next move etc

Unfortunately kids can be horrible st times and at that age it can be focused on needing to have the latest gear

KarlosKKrinkelbeim Wed 28-Sep-16 21:06:43

I feel your pain - going into school tomorrow to discuss DS total ostracism by his year group (he has asd and most of them won't even reply when he speaks to them).
It absolutely is bullying and you should not be afraid to say so
Good luck

Lifeisshort123 Wed 28-Sep-16 21:34:38

It's bullying, talk to his teachers. My DD now 14 is currently struggling with bullying and had a few issues in Y5/6. They used to say similar things to her like why are you wearing that coat, why are you wearing that colour hair band and it made her feel really uncomfortable and they used to trip her up and try to trick her into giving them her moshi monsters cards and threatening her if she didn't. I felt so sad reading your post. Poor little lad sad.

Lifeisshort123 Wed 28-Sep-16 21:35:00

Kids can be so horrible.. sad

MerryMarigold Thu 29-Sep-16 02:46:33

Thanks everyone. I have renewed confidence going in tomorrow to speak to the teacher. She is very young - I hope she can do something, at least moving him away from sitting with this group all day long. I feel so sad for him too. He does quite a few activities outside school and seems happy in them, but they are a few hours a week and school is such a major part of his life time-wise. Luckily, he says no one is going to the secondary school he is likely to go to next Sept so it will be a fresh start, and one of his best friends outside school started there this year so he is really excited about going there. I feel a bit gutted as we deliberately moved before Y5 to give him time to make friends, but I wish we'd left it another year now so he only had 1 horrible year to deal with. Interestingly his last school was non uniform and he never once came home saying he 'needed' this, that or the other, or that his clothes/ shoes were not good enough.

PterodactylToenails Thu 29-Sep-16 11:50:00

Broke my heart reading this. I would definitely call this bullying. I really hope your meeting goes well and this gets resolved.

ROSY2016 Thu 29-Sep-16 12:31:29

Even start in early years talking about school cardigans with school logo and pe kits with logo.I have ended up buying new pe kit in year 1 for my daughter after other children talking about her polo shirt hasn't got logo.all the parent can't afford to buy expensive school logo clothes

MerryMarigold Thu 29-Sep-16 13:10:35

Don't get me started on uniform, Rosy. My eldest kid went to a non uniform school from Y3 and there was NO BULLYING regarding clothes. The infant school had no PE uniform (just any leggings/ shorts/ t-shirts) and there was NO BULLYING regarding clothes/ shoes. I actually think when it is so restricted that kids will find things to pick on which are 'different'. When everyone and everything is 'different' because there is no uniform, nothing stands out. Grrrrrrr

Sadly meeting didn't happen again. Apparently teacher meant to meet her before school. I don't think she realises I have small ones who I can't just leave in the playground for 20mins. She said, "Drop off (kid) and come and see me" so I assumed she meant after the school drop-off. Oh well....gives me a bit more time to prepare.

ROSY2016 Thu 29-Sep-16 13:35:10

They say school uniform treat children equally but in real life not.

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