Was DD punished appropriately?

(59 Posts)
IvyFoy Fri 01-Feb-13 12:34:26

My DD is in Yr2, and yesterday, she and other pupil were awarded with (much desired) Headteacher Awards in assembly. However, on the way, my DD had spied the names on the certificates and tipped the other recipicent off that he was to receive an award. This boy told teacher that my DD had pre-warned him so Teacher called her over before home time and told her that her certificate would be withdrawn until tomorrow as punishment.

DD is as good as gold and never gets told off. It took me until the early hours to prize out the story amidst inconsolable tears and nightmares. To make matters worse, it was her party after school and it was basically ruined by the days events. It's not so much about not having the award, more about the severity of the punishment that has hit her badly. She's a very sensitive child.

Spoke to TA first thing as Teacher was in meeting. Do you think I should speak to Teacher about the incident? Any teachers out there who can help?

lisad123everybodydancenow Sun 10-Feb-13 15:25:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MareeyaDolores Sun 10-Feb-13 15:26:18

The loveliness of many teachers who also guide and educate their pupils is a welcome bonus, but one which we (as parents) shouldn't take for granted.

OlaSparkles Sun 10-Feb-13 15:50:04

Another teacher here. Actually I'm going to go against the tide and say I don't think it is too harsh.

The teacher let your dd get her certificate. If the fact of who recipients would be was not a secret then she would have told them beforehand so your dd was aware she was doing something wrong. Your dd shouldn't have told the other little boy.
For all you know the teacher may have been waiting to give this little boy a wonderful surprise after he had worked really hard to achieve something. Some children struggle (lack of concentration, confidence etc to produce outstanding work), because your daughter 'sneaked a peek' and told him, that lovely surprise was ruined.

Your daughter does sound very sensitive but I doubt any teacher could predict inconsolable tears, nightmares and the ruining of a birthday party because of a rightful and mild telling off.
I think the teacher needn't have kept the certificate but it was hardly corporal punishment.

What are you hoping to achieve by talking to the teacher if you have already spoken to the TA who will have alerted the teacher about your daughter's upset . I am presuming you wish for a personal apology from the teacher because if you wanted to let them know how sensitive your dd is, you have already done that...

whiteflame Mon 11-Feb-13 09:17:10

But Ola, what about the OP DDs surprise? If she did ruin the other child's surprise, the teacher ruined her surprise by leaving the certificates lying about. So a bit rich to punish the child for something she was equally guilty of.

Loa Mon 11-Feb-13 10:38:11

Mine would over react like this and it would be mentioned for ages afterwards- but their teachers - well all bar one - have grasped that very quickly.

I remember being constantly told in my childhood to be 'less sensitive' - never helped me. It wasn't till late 20s I learnt to brush things off more.

My DC teacher's have all said it’s just their personalities - anxious and eager to please and little bit perfectionist and they all say how lovely the DC are and this is little we can do to change this it's more managing it.

OP I’m not sure speaking to the teacher will help though – you’ve spoken to the TA but either the teacher knows how to handle your DC and had a bad day or whatever you say probably won’t impact – well that was my experience and I had a very unhappy DC and stressful year over tiny easily avoided or rectifiable things again and again.

Just make a huge fuss of her when she brings the certificate home.

RedHelenB Tue 12-Feb-13 09:20:59

Are we sure it was left lying about? Maybe OP's daughter is a busy body in class & this was the final straw?

housepiglet Tue 12-Feb-13 14:23:40

FWIW, I also think it was unnecessarily harsh of the teacher to withdraw the certificate overnight.

OP said her little girl is normally as good as gold at school, and never told off, so I'm not sure why some people are apparently so keen to suggest that she's (for instance), "a busy body in class & this was the final straw?" Unless we assume that OP is lying, and why on earth should we/she do that? Sometimes teachers do get it wrong, and it sounds as though this is one of those occasions.

Teachers can be spiteful. Although I'm now in my 50s, I still remember the occasion when my primary school teacher didn't allow me to join in the clay modelling class with all the rest of the (7 year old) children, because I'd been so excited that I'd had the audacity to touch (yes, just touch) the clay while we said the pre-lesson prayer. Injustice/disproportionate punishments do rankle, and a sensitive child will be upset. It sounds to me as though OP's little girl, who normally tries very hard to please, felt humiliated and embarrasssed, which is why she was so upset.

As for MareeyaDolores's contribution:

"Wot AICM said.

Schools aren't set up to be fair, or sensitive to a dc's needs. They're large state-run institutions which are specifically designed to impart a work ethic, a habit of obedience and the National Curriculum."

Thank goodness no child of mine has been taught by anybody with that sort of attitude. Fairness and sensitivity should be part fundamental to any good teacher's approach.

RedHelenB Tue 12-Feb-13 15:06:55

|Just the point that as no one was there it is hard to judge.

RedHelenB Tue 12-Feb-13 15:08:13

And no child can be 100% good in class - as you point out, there are temptations to be other than good all the time!!!

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