Is it really bad form to take your children with you to parents evening?

(52 Posts)
headfairy Wed 21-Nov-12 20:07:52

It's my first one, parents evening that is, and my mum is recovering from an op so can't look after the children while we go. I can get a 5.30 appointment but in order for dh and I to both go we'd need to take the kids. Is it better for just one of us to go rather than take them?

cece Wed 21-Nov-12 20:47:06

At my DS1 junior school they expect you to bring them with you to the appointment so that they can attend with you.

There is also no problem with bringing the other DC either. I just leave DD in charge of DS2 outside the classroom.

The infant school used to run a creche facility in the hall with toys out and a video on in the corner. Manned by the Governors.

DD is at secondary school. I suspect I will only be taking her and DH to her parents evening and getting a babysitter for the boys.

radicalsubstitution Wed 21-Nov-12 21:02:03

The most important thing is that you actually attend. If you have children in tow, so be it.

As a teacher at secondary school, I often see parents with toddlers and very small children. Whilst it is not 'ideal' for anyone involved, it is the reality of the world we live in. No reasonable school will mind.

XBenedict Wed 21-Nov-12 21:03:51

Our parents "evening" is often done after school in the afternoon. I always take the DCs. Now DD is in Y5 she is asked to attend the appointment with us. DS sits outside reading a book playing on my phone

marquesas Wed 21-Nov-12 21:07:18

Both parents being able to go to every parents evening is a bit of a luxury imo. I'd rather one parent go and really be able to concentrate on what the teacher has to say. And selfishly when I'm waiting I don't like to see couples ahead of me as they always seem to take twice as long grin

charllie Wed 21-Nov-12 21:08:41

I take my DD with me as i have no other choice. Its never been a problem

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:11:51

As a teacher I hate it when parents bring their children into the room during the appointment. It makes it very hard to be honest and talk about the more "adult" parts of parenting and education if you know the child is listening in. Of course it's nice to include the children in some things but there are often confidential matters that I cannot talk about with the child being present.

On one occasion I had a parent that brought in a younger sibling. The child spent the whole time rampaging around the room, knocking things over and poking the mother when she was bored. hmm

coldcupoftea Wed 21-Nov-12 21:18:15

In my class most of the parents brought the kids. They either sat meekly and listened to what was being said, or if there were younger siblings we sent them off to the book corner, or got out some pencils and paper. It's not a problem.

Taffeta Wed 21-Nov-12 21:20:06

That sounds like a fairly normal younger sibling to me, heggiehog. Would you rather have not seen the parent at all?

DuelingFanjo Wed 21-Nov-12 21:20:21

when I was a kid I went with my parents and sat with them so I could hear what they said.

heggiehog What are "the more "adult" parts of parenting and education" ?

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:30:43

No, Taffeta, I would rather see the parent. But on some occasions they have had to make a second appointment to come and see me without a child in tow (confidentiality issues, as mentioned), which strikes me as being extremely pointless and a waste of both of our times.

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:35:27

TapselteerieO - any number of things. Could be SEN issues, social problems, issues within the family, discussions about school budget, pupil premium. Etc etc etc.

There are lots of things that I cannot talk about when there are children present and listening.

heggiehog Wed 21-Nov-12 21:38:45

Also, Taffeta - I don't think it's "normal" for a six year old child to destroy a classroom while the parent sits there and does nothing about it. Or rather, it might be "normal" for them to allow their child to behave like that (no SEN before anyone mentions it), but I certainly don't think it's acceptable while I'm trying to conduct an appointment with them. What's the point?

ladygoldenlion Wed 21-Nov-12 21:39:50

I think it's normal for the child to go in secondary school but not in primary school.

HTH

missmapp Wed 21-Nov-12 21:46:34

It is times like parent's evenng that a DS was made for- keeps mine quiet anyway!!

LapinDeBois Wed 21-Nov-12 22:03:29

Have you spoken to other parents? We've just been to our first one, and the boys (5 and 2) stayed in the hall with a couple of other kids, and a TA to look after them. There were books and cars etc for them to play with. But the school didn't advertise this 'service', and if I hadn't asked other parents with older kids what they were planning to do, I wouldn't have known it was ok.

EdgarAllanPond Wed 21-Nov-12 22:07:44

i take all of them so we can both go - DH loves that opportunity to be involved but i am the one who has most charge over her education.

it will probably change when they get older, and get more constructive styles of feedback

nipersvest Wed 21-Nov-12 22:07:47

i always take mine to parents evenings, they go into the IT suite and play on the computers. they don't listen to what is being said though.

timtam23 Wed 21-Nov-12 22:09:09

Just had DS1's first parent's evening (in reception) and we both went, took DS2 as well as he is only 2 and we have no family locally. It was only a 10 minute appointment, the school is a 5 minute walk away so barely worth troubling someone else to take the kids for a few minutes. They sat on the mat in the classroom playing with the toys while we perched on the miniature kiddie chairs and had our few minutes with the teacher

No one turned a hair so I guess at DS's school it must be the done thing to bring kids too

amck5700 Wed 21-Nov-12 22:16:06

We've always taken our children into their own parents night. Not into each others though - so the one who isn't in with us sits on the chairs or benches outside the class with a book or a DS while we are in. Obviously if they were tiny and oblivious to what was being said we would have taken them in with us however as our boys are only a year apart that's never been the case. There are usually other parents and children waiting outside anyway so they are rarely out there alone and you only get 10 minutes so it's not exactly a long time to wait. Usually there are older kids outside the class keeping an eye on the appointment list and maintaining order anyway grin

They did do a creche thing in the library area one year but i think people saw it as free babysitting and went to the pub for an hour or two......... and I'm not joking!!

InNeedOfBrandy Wed 21-Nov-12 22:17:41

I always take mine (LP) school usually has a box of lego on the carpet while the table you sit at to talk to the teacher is the other end.

Taffeta Wed 21-Nov-12 22:18:46

heggiehog - 6 yo, no. I assumed you meant a younger child.

I guess the point is that they may not get to the appointment unless they bring the child. You know the child doesn't have SEN, but what else do you know of the situation and the younger sibling? It all sounds very judgmental tbh.

arkestra Thu 22-Nov-12 18:03:23

Both go. If kids act up then one of you (agree which beforehand) fields them. At worst you are no worse off than if just one of you went. At best you will both get to attend properly. That's what we do anyway.

sausagesandwich34 Thu 22-Nov-12 18:10:07

the afterschool club at our primary runs a creche until 8pm

50p a child and they get a drink and a biscuit

you really can't argue with that

heggiehog Sat 24-Nov-12 13:33:08

"You know the child doesn't have SEN, but what else do you know of the situation and the younger sibling? It all sounds very judgmental tbh."

I know the family and the children very well. Cannot say more for confidentiality reasons and I don't want to be identified. You are being "judgemental" about me by making such a comment - YOU don't know anything of the situation beyond the very brief description I gave.

Headfairy - I hope you found a solution.

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