Dilemma - In private due to lack of state school place, but option of state comes up now!

(33 Posts)
angel1976 Fri 28-Sep-12 19:42:57

Argh! Some of you might remember me, but most probably not as not an unusual story... We moved to an area of London last July mostly due to DS1 starting primary school this year and we chose the area because of its numerous 'good' primary schools in the area, the year before last, we would have gotten in at least 2 of the local schools but thanks to baby boom, we got allocated none of the 5 local primaries in the area, and got sent to one almost 2 miles away. After a lot of panic and soul searching (and going to look at the school), we made the decision to put DS1 in a small prep school 3 miles away. He started 4 weeks ago, loved it and we have no complaints about the school. In the meantime, I've been calling up the local council about our position on the wait list for local state schools, we were anything from 7th to 30-something. There was also a small C of E school 5-10 minutes walk away, because it's C of E (we don't go to church) and small (only one form of entry) and rated outstanding, we didn't expect to get in there. We were 6th on their wait list, stayed there the whole summer and just when school started, we were 3rd.

Today, I got a phone call completely out of the blue from the headmaster of the C of E school, 'informally' offering us a place! shock Essentially, a mum has just informed him she will be taking her DC out of reception to home-school, she has yet to inform the local council but that would be her next step. The headteacher thought time was imperative and called us to let us know so we could arrange to meet him and see the school before a place is offered formally. I was in shock! In all reality, I expected we would be offered a place in one of the local schools but not before Christmas. DH is away on a work so but I've managed quick chat with him to tell him we now have an appointment to see the HT and see the school on Tuesday morning.

I know we have to wait till we meet the HT and see the school before we make the decision. But it's going to be difficult isn't it? We went to the school's summer fete to have a nose and DH remarked what a nice little school it felt like. We don't know anyone having kids in there being new to the area but all the 3rd hand reviews and experiences of the school have been very positive. But it's never going to compare to the prep school DS1 goes to, for one, he is in a class of 14 (as opposed to 30 in the state primary) and in their 4th week, they are already 'reading' some key words. On the other hand, it would be nice not to have to drive 15 minutes every morning to school, leaving even earlier as there could be traffic. The state primary is a 5-10 minute walk away. DS1 is very confident and has adjusted really well from his preschool to this prep school, so there is nothing to make me think he won't do it in the new school. Financially, it would be SO liberating not to think of having 2 set of private school fees to pay for the next 7 years (have DS2 who is 2 years younger so he will get a sibling place in the local state primary sparing us all the anguish we went through this year), we got a huge mortgage to pay for our current home and I think 1 set of fees is ok but 2 will be a stretch. My head is spinning going through all the for and against arguments. Just want to get it out and see if anyone has been in our position and moved their DC from private to state so early on and what happens? Thanks!

dixiechick1975 Wed 03-Oct-12 22:17:07

Sounds like a great success and how nice of the HT to call to reassure you.

angel1976 Wed 03-Oct-12 19:43:42

DS1 has had a really lovely day. The HT called after lunch to say he has had a lovely morning and not to worry. When I went to pick DS1 up, the HT said he's fitting right in and it's like he's been here for years and that he loves the chickens the reception class has in their garden. The mums have obviously heard of our 'arrival' (small school and C of E so the mums do seem like they have known one another for years!) and the HT introduced to the 'class reps' who are collecting details of parents so we have one another's details. There's also talk of drinks at the local pub one evening for the parents. Very friendly bunch. DH has just come home and DS1 is talking his ear off about his day at school! I am so, so pleased. grin

Turniphead1 Tue 02-Oct-12 19:21:36

Angel - my friend just moved her DS from one school to another in reception last week (due to waiting list issues). The little boy has taken it completely in his stride. Much better to move now than after Christmas when he is fully settled. Good luck! Treat yourself to a lovely half term holiday with some of the money now saved.

mummytime Tue 02-Oct-12 13:59:10

I am sure you are making the right decision.
I know lots of kids who go from good State schools to very selective Private secondaries, and at least one where the Head privately prefers them to those from his own linked Prep.
Key words sounds a very old fashioned way of teaching reading, even for the highly selective privates near me.

Having local friends and less petrol for the car, sound like other invaluable advantages. You will also have more money for extra curricula activities.

angel1976 Tue 02-Oct-12 13:30:17

Fingers crossed. I still have my heart in my mouth praying this is indeed the correct decision but had a lovely chat with my immediate neighbour who stressed what a great reputation the school has and how important it is that DS1 has local friends etc and I know she is right. Thanks all.

dixiechick1975 Tue 02-Oct-12 13:02:33

Thanks for updating, glad it is all working out for you.

sanam2010 Tue 02-Oct-12 12:50:05

Wonderful news!! Sounds lovely!!

angel1976 Tue 02-Oct-12 12:13:15

For all who are interested, we are going to go for the local state school. Met the HT who took us around the school and it is very lovely. We also met the reception class teacher and TA and the reception kids and they all seem very, very sweet. Nice space both indoor and outdoor. The HT has been a teacher there for 7 years and now head for 18 months and he's very happy with the team he has got, lives locally and looks set to stay. They've also been rated Outstanding across the board in their latest assessment so they are on track for an Outstanding Ofsted. I am picking DS1 up from school and bringing him to the new school after school today so he can meet his new teacher and HT and see his new school. They want him to start tomorrow as it's midweek and it won't be a long week for him. He has the option to do half a day tomorrow if he is unsettled so we shall see. It's such a lovely, little school we will be silly not to take the place seeing as we moved to the area for the schools in the first place before the school place fiasco! Thanks all for the support. Am glad the decision has been made.

angel1976 Sun 30-Sep-12 21:42:50

Thank you all, I will be back to update on Tuesday after meeting with the HT.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 30-Sep-12 21:15:35

Angel good luck. If it is the choice that feels right for your family now, then it is the right one smile

bradbourne Sun 30-Sep-12 20:43:37

Hope it all works out for you. It isn't an easy decision, deciding to change your child's school so I can understand your worry and sense of indecision - it's only natural. But sounds like you have good reasons for your choice and I'm sure it will be for the best.

angel1976 Sun 30-Sep-12 08:37:54

mutteroo thank you for the encouragement. I feel possibly unreasonably emotional about it though I know logically DS1 will not remember any of this in years to come. I wish I had more confidence in my parenting ability and that I could and would feel happy in whatever decision I make. I fear so much I would make the wrong decision! But thank you for your words. It doesn't help I wasn't educated in this country but was state all the way in my country as there really wasn't any choice but my parents put me through a very expensive overseas university education. My DH was partly privately educated but not in London. But I digress... smile

Mutteroo Sun 30-Sep-12 01:54:39

Good luck OP & when you make the decision try very hard not to think of the "what ifs?" DD was offered a 50% scholarship to a private school in reception. We kept her at her state school all through primary & eventually moved her in year 9. Think of all the money we saved!

Small classes are not the be all as I went to a CofE school with classes of 36. It was considered one of the best schools in the area & it was senior school which let me down. Ah well.

I hope all goes well with the HT & you feel comfortable with the reception class, teacher & school in general. Your DS sounds like an adaptable little chap who'll fit in to an new school environment no problem & you can enjoy not having the financial stress private education brings. ;)

angel1976 Sat 29-Sep-12 18:45:44

Hi all, I appreciate all your thoughts and I know the state vs private argument is a lot more complex than a thread on MN can cover. DH came back from his work thing today and we have been chatting all day about it. I think if we are happy with the HT AFTER meeting him and also seeing the reception class in action, I think we will move him. At the end of the day, we moved to the area so we can become part of the community and hopefully get involved in the local schools etc. That, we will hardly do with DS1 in a prep school 3 miles away and DS2 to follow. Financially, it will be a big relief to us. We are not quite at the level where we will not miss the money that will go on both DSs' education. DH's work is going well and of course there is every chance financially we will get better and could afford their private education easily. But as easily, we could end up being redundant tomorrow! And to be relieved of the stress of driving to and from school every day (on very busy London roads) for the next 9 years will be a HUGE relief. It is not an over-subscribed prep school. In fact, they do 'lose' kids to the more competitive private schools as the years go on. We were just saying that if we do decide to go for the state school, we will put in a formal letter asap outlining our reasons to the HT. And expect to be hit with next term's fees as well. There's no need for it to be nasty. We do have very good reasons to leave.

Also, there are actually quite a few private schools where we are and if it comes down to it, there are actually quite a few options. We chose the prep school where DS1 is not for the academics but because we have friends there who are happy and it provides a very supportive and caring environment for the children, which we felt was important for DS1's age. I appreciate all your thoughts and fingers crossed for Tuesday. smile

bradbourne Sat 29-Sep-12 16:57:15

Unless the private school is very over-subscribed, I guess it would always be an option for your ds to return there if things don't work out at the local primary? (Not saying they won't, by the way, just that you aren't necessarily burning yoir bridges by changing your son's school).

"Having gone from state to private, in retrospect the state primary seems AWFUL". This is exactly my experience - NT ds has just started a private school after 2 years in "Good" state and the difference between the two is bigger than I had ever imagined. But, again, this is anecdotal evidence based on just two schools and doesn't mean your experince will be the same.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 29-Sep-12 12:34:17

Elibean that is very true. I know more than one family who have pulled children out of private primary because they were totally unable to cope with very mild SN - and the local state primary was able to offer 1-1 support where needed. I don't think single instance anecdotes are especially helpful in talking about the differences between state and private, it is more down to the individual schools.

Pooka Sat 29-Sep-12 11:30:39

My two dcs were doing work pitched at their different abilities very quickly at their then satisfactory primary. With dd she was reading key words within the first few weeks. Ds1 started school as a quite confident reader and was free reading by Christmas (tested by school as having reading age of 11 and assessed for comprehension too). At the same time there were and are kids securing their phonics knowledge and making progress at their pace.

What I'm trying to say is that a good school, a state school worth it's salt, will be able to differentiate and ensure progress even with a class of 30. In our eyfs they have 2 reception specialist TAs per class and a teacher, because the school action plan is about improving the achievement and outcomes in early years (which was picked up at last ofsted where school went from satisfactory to good).

teacherwith2kids Sat 29-Sep-12 11:11:46

To support Elibean's point, i once took a child from the local private school into a Year 2 class. Her parents had been told that her progress there was 'great', that she was 'in line or a bit above' her peer group etc, that her transfer to a state primary would 'hold her back because of the lower standards in state'.

To be blunt, she couldn't read or write AT ALL. No SEN, no learning issues once she was being properly taught, just that they didn't seem to have taught her anything. Could copy key words in beautiful handwriting, though...

Elibean Sat 29-Sep-12 10:22:36

Coxless, with all due respect, that may be the difference between two individual schools - not the difference between State and Private.

I have seen examples the exact reverse of your ds's situation.

CoxlessFour Sat 29-Sep-12 03:21:25

Just FWIW btw re teaching assistants, they have teacher + teaching assistant for class of 16 at DS's school.

CoxlessFour Sat 29-Sep-12 03:17:32

Our DS was at a Catholic Primary School for 2 years (nursery, reception). One of my colleagues rather smugly told me we wouldn't get in because we weren't Catholic and how lucky she was to be a governor blah blah blah. But we did get in.

The most recent Ofsted report shows all was 'Outstanding', at that time it was 'Good' across the board.

They told us everything was fine with DS.

We moved him to a Prep School for Y1, and they were shocked at his low level of attainment, asked if he had been educated in a foreign country, etc. They arranged for testing, which revealed autism, and also he made substantial progress in year 1, and was fairly soon achieving highly, reading beyond the level of friends with a son of the same age (and clearly bright) at one of these super-oversubscribed London schools where you have to polish the priest's rosary beads from birth to get in.

Having gone from state to private, in retrospect the state primary seems AWFUL, there was no parental expectation and the issues with our son obvious to his new Y1 teacher were overlooked in 2 years at state (and I'm aware from my DD's class at the prep school that they have identified similar issues in Nursery, so it's not really a case that it's too soon to say), leaving us well behind in trying to address them.

Perhaps for a more normal child the differences between state and private would not be so stark, but for ours, it was huge.

SavoyCabbage Sat 29-Sep-12 02:49:40

Move him. I took my dd out of school after a term and she took it totally in her stride. I think she just thought she had finished doing that and now was doing this instead if you see what I mean. Like doing a term of karate lessons and then dropping it and doing horse riding.

expansivegirth Sat 29-Sep-12 01:32:24

It is fantastic being able to walk to school. Frees up time in the morning and the evening which means less tired kids. Lots of local friends. My kids really feel that they belong around here as they know so many other children when we are about Save your money for later.... And if the school turns out to be rubbish you can always go private again. ...

angel1976 Fri 28-Sep-12 21:15:34

dixie Thank you. It's hard, DS1 is very happy where he is but there's no saying he will not be in the state school. Also, he will then have local playdates and friends etc. But I don't have a crystal ball and I don't know the future!

dixiechick1975 Fri 28-Sep-12 21:01:04

I wouldn't read too much into a child leaving. You have no idea what the background story is eg mum may have wanted to homeschool but pressured by Dad into giving school a go..who knows.

My DD is at private..if there was an outstanding school with a place 5 mins away I know my money would be being spent on other things instead and i'd be making sure I did everything to ensure DC2 got in aswell.

Hope everything works out.

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