9yo DS not fitting in with other children - am I overreacting?

(8 Posts)
dogrosie Tue 04-Jun-13 19:55:43

DS is a bit 'eccentric' (as noticed by his teacher back in Year 2). He had disordered speech and language as a pre-schooler, but was not diagnosed with ASD or anything like that and contrary to expectations ended up at a mainstream secondary where, academically, he has done fine. He is currently in year 4.

However, he does cubs, but sits out the team games looking sad, even when the leaders try to include him. His range of things that he will eat is getting smaller and he won't try new foods. He had developed a fear of the fire alarm going off in school and is afraid to go in certain classrooms as the bell is near where he sits and he hates loud noises. (he still has a fear of balloons popping).

He loves animals and is gentle and kind with our cats, hamster, rabbits and fish. He is happiest on his own with them or with us.

Basically, he is a funny, loving little boy but he hates school and just doesn't seem to fit in with other children. He doesn't seem to know how to play or interact with others, although he will play for hours with our DD (12).

I have tried having other boys over for tea / playing / film nights etc. but he can't seem to cope in a group and ends up crying in his room as it is too noisy or they are 'touching his toys'. He can fixate on one friend at a time who then goes off to play with others and he can't cope.

I am afraid that this is getting worse and I don't know how to help him. DD says that he is just not a 'team player' - which is fine if you're an adult, but we have years of school yet. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have any ideas?

Sorry for the marathon post - it's been a bad day. Thanks.

dogrosie Tue 04-Jun-13 19:56:36

Sorry - right at the top, I meant primary, not secondary. Doh.

grants1000 Tue 04-Jun-13 20:19:31

Have you had a chat with his teacher?

dogrosie Tue 04-Jun-13 20:38:30

Yes, she says that he seems happy on his own and works with others if he is put into a group. He cries easily when he has do something he doesn't want to but less than he used to. He seems to me to be immature, like a toddler stuck in an older child's body. I am worried I coddled him too much as a preschooler when he was having tests and therapy all the time.

Gooseysgirl Tue 04-Jun-13 20:52:31

OP I think you are right to be concerned and I would ask to see the SENCO to discuss your worries as a starting point.

aleene Tue 04-Jun-13 20:55:25

Has he been described as Highly Sensitive? I have read a bit of How to raise your highly sensitive child and I'm sure noise sensitivity is mentioned. You may find it useful.
Perhaps you could work on some strategies to help him cope with friends - can the school or GP recommend anything. There are 'friendship' type programs to help children cope socially, it just depends if your school.has the time/staffing to offer it. Referal to Camhs?

piffpoff Tue 04-Jun-13 21:07:04

I wouldn't think it has anything to do with being mollycoddled in any way when younger, we mothers always feel guilty even when there is nothing to blame ourselves for.
I'm afraid I don't have much more to add than Gooseygirls advice but do want to sympathise as the mother of an overly anxious DS who is also 9.
I think school is your first point of contact and possibly ask your GP for a CAMHs referral if you don't get the help you need from the school. We have found CAMHs helpful in developing coping skills for anxieties.

dogrosie Wed 05-Jun-13 06:58:16

Thanks all - I will have a look at the book and have another chat with the teacher specifically about friendships / anxiety.

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