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Pls read. Do I talk to the school and would it make any difference?

16 replies

jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:14

Hello,

Would be grateful for any advice.

I have a lovely (aren't they all!) ds, now 3 and a bit. He has a place at a state nursery from Jan 07-a very well respected local school and we're really keen for him to go there as all I've heard are great reports.

Our problem: since birth (3.5days in labour, he was over 10lb) he has had problems-couldn't turn to the left for 10mths, couldn't sleep etc-and requires constant osteopathy to help keep him relaxed and "balanced".
It's very difficult to describe but when his body is under any stress, i.e. serious(ish) illness, teething etc, then his system seems to shut down and he becomes very anxious, introverted etc. He then needs half a dozed osteopathy treatments to "sort him out".
In honesty it's been very stressful and upsetting. I went through quite bad PND because of it.
For six months over summer he didn't want to leave the house and became hysterical when pressed to do anything-because his back molars were coming through. He's now back to his usual boisterous happy outgoing self though this took time and over 10 treatments.

The reason I've bored you all with this is because all of this has disrupted his attendance at a private nursery that we booked for him-to get him used to the idea of school etc, and also to spend some time away from me.

Would you recommend talking to the state nursery school? Do you think they'd understand?
It will not work to push him into going if he is having any problems with his body, and it also maekes him more tired than usual so he starts sleeping again during the day. Do I discuss this with the school and, based on experience, are they likely to listen/accomodate etc?

I'd be really grateful for any feedback. I'm new to mumsnet and appreciate the help. Thanks.

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MaloryTowersPonceAndProud · 19/10/2006 11:16

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MaloryTowersPonceAndProud · 19/10/2006 11:17

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:18

Thanks for your reply. You're right. I definitely need to talk to them.
Thanks, I was worried that I was making too big a thing of it x

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:20

I wsa hoping that they might allow less days! I think I'm going to try for that as 5 days from january just won't happen and we'll all end up so stressed that he'll hate the place by the time he starts reception

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Flamebat · 19/10/2006 11:25

As long as they get the money for the 5 days he is registered for (which they will with the gov't funding as far as I am aware), I very much doubt they will mind how many days you actually send him for. If anything it is a better adult/child ratio for them

Does that make sense?

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:28

It does flamebat, thanks very much.
I will gather my thoughts during the half term and then call and make an appointment? Or would a phonecall be sufficient?

Sorry to sound like such a flapper-I just don't want to mess this one up and place ds under a cloud.

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Sobernow · 19/10/2006 11:33

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:36

You're so right Sobernow. When I got the first respnse from MaloryTowersPonceandProud and I read "...he had special needs" I cried my eyes out!

No offence intended to anyone in the slightest, just that it hit home with me. I'm welling up again!

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puppydavies · 19/10/2006 11:42

i think knowing what you want from the school before you approach them is a good idea. ime schools can respond very differently to the idea of children attending on a less than "full time" basis. since you're talking about a nursery place i take it that this would be a morning or afternoon session 5 days a week?

firstly on the issue of taking him out on occasional days for treatments - this shouldn't be a problem, since there is no obligation for him to attend at this age. if holidays etc in term time aren't a problem then medical treatment certainly shouldn't be.

we approached 2 schools with the request for dd to attend 4 sessions - no particular reason, i just felt that she was too young to be attending 5 days - although we did approach them before making a choice and being offered a place. the first (the more "academic" of the schools) turned us down flat, while the second said they'd never had such a request beore but couldn't see any problem with it.

the first school's insistence that we had to fit in around them and not vice versa was amongst the reasons we chose the second school. i have a friend who battled to get her son into nursery for 3 sessions and found that the school was undermining that at every step. for example telling him in detail all about the exciting things he was missing on the days he wasn't there, not giving them the option to swap days if something special was planned on one of his days off, etc... he was unhappy there and she changed him to a different (less desirable in many ways) nursery that was happy to work on the part-time basis and found that much better for everyone.

i guess what i'm saying is that you may be pleasantly surprised and find the school receptive to your request, but if they're not you may find it is an ongoing battle that will cause you and your son further stress. finding a school that is happy to work with your needs as a family i think makes a massive difference to their school experience all the way through, not just in these early years.

good luck and keep us posted how you get on.

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Sobernow · 19/10/2006 11:44

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 11:47

Thanks everyone that's replied.
Sobernow-I love to watch ds in his nursery, and when he's on top form he loves going there. In fact, I was told a few weeks ago, by him, that I wasn't to come inside and that I would only be kissed "when we get home"!!

I will definitely call and make an appointment with the school in question. I can but try.

Thanks for all the advice. It's been much appreciated.

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MaloryTowersPonceAndProud · 19/10/2006 16:48

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jupiter999 · 19/10/2006 17:29

Malory towers-am so sorry. I didn't mean that you had upset me. I don't take that term as something to get upset about-just that I realised that everyone's advice of "oh stop worrying, he'll grow out of it" was really the cr*p I took it for.

I'm really grateful for all the advice, I can't thank you enough. I'm going to make an appointment after half term and take it from there. If it's ok with you all I'll let you know how I get on.

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rabbitrabbit · 23/10/2006 11:05

Hi Jupiter999, I'm sorry that you're going through this but I for one would be very interested in the outcome of your discussions with the school. Please post again and let us know how you got on. Good luck x

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Troutpout · 23/10/2006 17:27

Just saw this Jupiter . Your post struck a chord with me and just wanted to say good luck to you and your boy

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jupiter999 · 23/10/2006 20:35

Thanks Rabbit and Troutpout. I've been making notes! I'm going to call the school in question next week and have a brief chat as a precursor to making a face-to-face appointment-I shall keep you all posted.

Troutpout, can I ask, was your situation similar in that you had to "negotiate" with the school? How did it all get resolved?

Thanks again to everyone x

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