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Premature birth

babies in special care when you have other children at home

6 replies

magnummum · 17/04/2009 10:26

Hi Ladies after some advice/experiences! I'm 32+6 with boy/girl twins. There are concerns regarding her growth and am set for 2nd steroid injection today as early delivery looking likely. Trying to get my head round the possibility of one or both being in special care. I also have a 2.5 year old and was wondering for those of you who have had a baby in special care with other dcs how you manage in terms of you/dh spending time with baby/other dh etc?

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AitchTwoOh · 17/04/2009 10:34

hi magnum, what a worrying time for you. i can't really answer your question because when dd2was born at 33+6 (because she hadn't grown in a fortnight so they were really worried) she actually came out at 4lbs 1, 25th centile, yelling her head off and was only in SCBU for one night while i was in recovery (i had pre-eclampsia). we were only in hospital roomed together for 10 days and then out.

dd1 was up and down, and tbh all those hormonal post pregnancy things were directed at her, the poor scrap, i felt like i'd ruined her life, not given her enough time to prepare etc because the baby had come early. she was fine within a fortnight or so of coming home, is absolutely besotted with her sister etc. the good thing () about preemies is that they're little sleepy blobs for longer, so as long as you have good support you'll be able to let your older child have really lovely quality time.

i hope everything's fine, it's horrible to think that your babies might be safer out in an SCBU than inside you, but sometimes that's just the way it is.... the SCBU staff are amazing, in my short experience.

have you been to scbu yet? it helped me a lot to know what might be in store, i think.

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jellibob · 19/04/2009 22:11

Here's my experience in case it helps. Sorry it's a bit long.

I had twins at 28 weeks, and already had a 2.5 year old DS. I spent a couple of months in hospital before the twins were born, and about a month after they were born. DH used to bring DS1 to visit either daily or every other day (I was not always in a local hospital).

DS1 did not appear to be too affected by my absence, until I came home from hospital when the DTs were about a month old, and had been transferred to a local hospital.

Once I was home he started waking in the night and calling out for me, which he would never normally do. This stopped after a couple of weeks. One evening I told him I was going to the hospital to visit the twins and he was extremely upset, because he thought I wouldn't come back (there was a lot of being rushed to hospital suddenly and staying for weeks when I was pregnant).

Because DS1 had clearly been more affected than we'd thought, I decided to spend my days with him, and then go to the hospital to spend the evening with the twins once DS1 had gone to sleep, or go very early in the morning, and come home to get DS1 up (I couldn't sleep anyway...). Most days I would take him to the hospital during the day for a short visit.

It may have been paranoia, but I felt that some of the nurses and doctors were critical of the fact that I was not at the hospital 24/7 with the twins. However, rightly or wrongly, it was my decision to spend my daytimes with DS1, who was aware of where I was, rather than with the twins who had constant medical attention, and didn't know what time I was with them, or how long for.

I felt extremely guilty and still do, but would do the same thing again. DS1 is happy and shows no signs of resentment towards the DTs.

The DTs are now 6 months old, and even now, if I have to take one to a hospital, DS1 becomes very unsettled, although he doesn't say anything - just stops using the potty, for example. I'm careful to always tell him when I'm coming back, which seems to help.

On a practical level, some hospitals have play specialists, who will spend a couple of hours with siblings whilst parents spend time with babies, speak to the doctors etc.

Hope all goes well with your DTs - it's a worrying time, but it helped me to think that NICU/SCBU was just a small part of their life.

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Bilbomum · 20/04/2009 14:01

My story as well - sorry also a bit long.

I had dd at 30 weeks when ds was 21 months old. All happened very suddenly so wasn't able to prepare him for the event. My daughter was in Neo for 6 weeks before she came home, I stayed in for a couple of nights after she was born and then went home. Luckily we were only a 10 minute drive from the hospital. I have to be honest and say it was an awful time, I never felt in the right place at the right time iyswim. If I was with ds I felt like I should have been at the hospital and vice versa. I think that's totally normal though from everyone I've spoken to.

I kept ds in his childcare for 3 days a week (I was working up until the birth) so for three days I spent all day at the hospital and the two days I was with ds I called in for a quick visit with him in the morning and then spent the day doing something nice with him. When dh got home from work I went straight down to the hospital for an hour or so before bedtime. Dh also called in to see dd during the day which made me feel better about her being 'alone'. DS was very good but a bit unsettled (he'd never spent a night away from me before I went into hospital). Although I did take him into the ward for short visits I don't think it's really the place for very young children and I made sure he didn't see her when she was tubed up in the incubators. It would have been too much for him to understand imo.

It's really hard getting your head around leaving a baby in Neo without being there all the time yourself. It goes against all your instincts but you do have a toddler who probably needs your attention more. So don't feel guilty leaving the twins while you're having quality toddler time. I felt like an eternity at the time for me but it soon passes. When I look at my 11 month old dd crawling around causing chaos it seems like a lifetime ago. It's worth all the stress!

Good luck

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Bilbomum · 20/04/2009 14:03

Sorry - just another thought. You can also visit Neo at any time during the night. DH is more of a night owl than I am and he used to go and sit with dd for a few hours late in the evening. He really appreciated the quiet time with her when the ward was less busy and I think it helped their bonding process.

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bronze · 09/05/2009 16:55

I dont drive so was reliant on dh taking me

I had ds1 3 and ds2 20 months at home so would spend the day with them then get a babysitter and go and visit dd in the evenings after they were in bed. The main reason being that I had been in hospital for weeks prior to that and my sons needed me whereas dd didnt know any different.

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sarah293 · 09/05/2009 17:29

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