My baby boy was born on December 3rd (3-4 weeks early,) 36-37 weeks weighing 5.1lb,
He had a very very traumatic start and we very nearly lost him, we had a very emergency c section due to him having a very weak heart rate,
After birth he started breathing by himself after about 4 minutes and from the theatre he was transferred to the scbu.
Where he was placed on oxygen and had an IV for his glucose.
In the 1st 2 weeks he was there they ran test after test after test, and seemed to be using his poor feet as pin cushions!!
The 1st 8 days although horrid, I was there with him, I could cope with that, (although not able to sleep next to him)
But when I was discharged this is when I began to really struggle!!!
He has now been there for 24 days, and although he has made progress he's off the oxygen now for over 1 week,
He's still struggling with his bottles and the nurses seem to give up on him to fast and resort to quickly to tube feeding him.
His conditions for him to leave the hospital are incident free on his monitor for 3 full days,
Finishing his feeds within 30 minutes...
Putting on weight...
I just don't see an end to i feel very very low,
and have been thinking the most awful things that i am ashamed to admit too and tonight when I phoned to see how he was I was made to feel like I was a bad mum cos I wasn't there to see for myself,
The nurse made me feel I was wasting her time giving me an update,
I'm sick of being a visitor to my own son,
I want to bring him home do I can be his mum
I'm fed up of having to ask a nurse for permission to change his nappy or wipe his eyes clean.
I just don't know how much longer I can emotionally go through this for,
He has to have heart surgery sometime between March & June, and I will be back stuck in an intensive care ward
I just feel like I'm drowning,
but if I admit how I really feel to people in RL I they'll think I've lost my mind!
And I'm sick to death of thoughtless comments by idiots:
" oooh enjoy the rest, while you can"
" jealous of you getting full night sleep, can't remember the last time I had one of those"
"Ooh I'd be made up if I could hand my baby over to someone through the night"
"must be great all the lie ins your having!"
Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh sorry for the rant!!
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Stuck in scbu, feeling very empty and lost, anyone else having/had a scbu experience?
35 replies
AlisonDB · 28/12/2012 00:49
OP posts:
Jajas ·
28/12/2012 01:08
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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