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How does your DP treat you in pregnancy?

(31 Posts)
glossyflower Tue 05-Mar-13 19:28:42

Just wondering as I know everyone is different.
We are expecting our first baby, and I'm 33 weeks now.
DH doesn't treat me any differently than before pregnancy and sometimes I feel like he should try and look after me a bit more as I am starting to struggle.
He does things if I ask him to but doesn't take his own initiative. Eg run me a relaxing bath or rub my aching back.

rrreow Wed 06-Mar-13 11:51:57

First pregnancy he was like a different person. He was SO NICE. We didn't have any arguments or personality clashes that we'd usually have. It was a bit suspicious actually and after the birth he went back to being himself (still very nice mind you! But he can be a bit unreasonable sometimes), which was a bit of a shocker.

This pregnancy he's been just his normal self, which I actually prefer. If I want something specific I'll just ask him (got the most amazing massage the other day!) as I can't really expect him to read my mind.

Msbluesky32 Wed 06-Mar-13 11:27:22

Pretty much the ssame and if he acted differently I'd start to wonder what was going on.

He can't really cook and isn't bothered by mess (unlike me). He has started helping with much more of the household chores but tbh I'm very independent and hate the idea of not being able to do things myself. We balance each other - he is the DIY man and I'm the cleaner and cooker. I'm rubbish with power tools - it would only end in an accident if I tried to fix anything.

ExhaustedMamasita Wed 06-Mar-13 10:13:40

I’m more in love with my DH now than ever – not because he’s become this superhero overnight but because he’s the same kind, caring and loving individual I married years ago. Whilst I still do most of the cleaning and domestic chores, he’s interested in hearing about the baby updates, loves to cook nice meals for me but most importantly daydreams about the baby’s arrival with me. He’s the only person I can talk to about my inner feelings and insecurities, having him there through this amazing but often tough period has made me appreciate him more than ever. Whenever I snap at him, he cuddles and kisses me or makes me laugh hysterically – which always brings my back to normality.

Everyone’s relationship is different but I’ve found including DH in every step of the baby’s development has helped him feel more involved and in turn does his best to make the whole process easier for me.

glossyflower Tue 05-Mar-13 23:01:34

Oh yes you reminded me, DH always goes to the shops for me when I want something, so I suppose it's not all bad.
I think he's just a general man who needs a woman to tell him what to do all the time. Men and women are definitely wired differently!
There are lots of lucky ladies on this thread envy lol. Xxx

Xmasbaby11 Tue 05-Mar-13 21:29:34

DH was wonderful and was convinced I was more beautiful than ever and doing an amazing thing by carrying our baby. I don't think he really understood the crazy hormones, but he did try!

ButteryJam Tue 05-Mar-13 21:16:55

The same I'd say, except the house is a mess because I'm a clean freak, but it doesn't seem to bother him at all sad. He does jump to get something I'm craving, but I've only had one or two literally ...

Maybe I should show him this thread grin

He does walk the shops up to 3 times a day for me though (they're up a load of stairs and I have bad joints) for juice, chocolate etc. So he is lovely really. grin

It varies.

Most of the time he is more than lovely (offers to make me food, tea, run me a bath, tell me to go to bed and he'll look after toddler DS).

Other times he's a grumpy sod, but he's always been like that and I think I would be quite hmm if he was always that sweet!

FoofFighter Tue 05-Mar-13 20:52:14

Same as ever, no housework, no cups of tea, no meals cooked for me....

WhirlingOut Tue 05-Mar-13 20:49:07

DH treats me the same and gets grumpy at me until I remind him that I've got a barrel loads of hormones going through me so he has to deal with it! He is pretty good anyway to be honest with helping round the house and being nice to me, so I don't mind. I don't let him run me baths anyway as he always makes them too cold!

CitizenOscar Tue 05-Mar-13 20:45:53

DH is generally brilliant whether I am pregnant or not. We share childcare & other domestic chores etc. however I don't think he cuts me enough slack when I'm pregnant! He knows in theory how tiring it is to grow & carry a baby but he just can't empathise. It's only now I've had some back problems that he's realised that getting me to carry our toddler round the supermarket might not be the best idea.

I just remind him in a straightforward way about all the hard work that's going on inside my body right now!

nailak Tue 05-Mar-13 20:40:17

the same way he did before

Oh, in regards to your DP feeling uninvolved - I got DH to rub cocoa butter on my bump, boobs, thighs and bum and was very liberal with gratitude - it helped him to feel involved and connect with the baby - and me!

RubyrooUK Tue 05-Mar-13 20:36:56

My DH treats me mainly the same as normal when pregnant because I am not the kind of person who likes to relax or be fussed over.

(The only exception is on public transport where he becomes madly protective when I'm pregnant and gets really angry about anyone who accidentally knocks me...)

I do tell him to rub my feet a lot and moan and anything I ask him to do, he does without complaint. He does more housework than me anyway and never really whines about it.

This is my second pregnancy though and in general, he isn't as attentive as first time round. Probably because between us we are trying to wrangle a tricky toddler so pregnancy comes way down the priority list...grin

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 05-Mar-13 20:32:49

Like a slightly ailing Queen grin

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had awful sickness, and he used to bring me a picnic and a big jug of weak squash in bed before he went to work so that I didn't have to move.

Astr0naut Tue 05-Mar-13 20:29:04

Dh says that you need to ask him, he won't be offended. He says: "our equivalent of a bath is a nice lie on the couch with some telly. Candles are for when there are no lights." He also says that a list of things you would like him to do would also be useful, as men have different ideas about what looking after someone looks like.

I had no complaints through both pregnancies - although I may have complained a lot during them! He was more understanding first time round - especially when I'd refuse to eat tea beause I suddenly couldn't stand the smell of it. He would stroke my hair a lot, but only on request!

Compliments were restricted to "you look lovely", but then, that's his standard compliment, so is ultimately meaningless.

LineRunner Tue 05-Mar-13 20:27:45

My ExH was unhelpful even when I had pre-eclampsia.

The 2nd time round he had an affair as well.

Happy days.

amirah85 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:24:41

my DH is the same OP!am lucky as have easy pregnancies and not a huge bump,so DH doesn't really feel that excited etc about the baby as it doesnt feel real for him.he does help,he does usually anyway,and he's a big big help after the baby comes,but he's not he type to treat me as if i was made of glass(nor i m the type to be treated as such ;-)

DH hasn't dared to make the mistake of treating me like glass... I'm a very strong willed and stubborn lady and have continued to do everything I did before pregnancy. The only time he kicked up a fuss was when I demanded to be allowed to shovel snow from our driveway... but he wasn't going to do it so I got my way in the end grin

Having said this, there are days when I feel too exhausted to lift a finger and he has been more than understanding, really really wonderful. He is always telling me how beautiful I am, and how amazing my body is for growing our baby.

Sounds sappy but I honestly feel like I'm more in love with him than ever now [embarrassed]

ladymia Tue 05-Mar-13 20:18:47

Mine treats me exactly the same way. He still runs me baths (as he has done for years) and helps around the house (as he's always done). He is a bit more protective though.

I don't expect men really change just because we are pregnant? I think if people are considerate they will always be and if they are not they will probably never be?

I feel lucky to have the husband I do but then again I felt lucky to have him before I got pregnant and would not have married him if I thought he was anything but kind and considerate.

glossyflower Tue 05-Mar-13 20:18:20

Hmm I think the last time he told me I was beautiful was on our wedding day!
When I ask how I look in my nice maternity clothes he just says fat...of course he's joking, he is a big joker but I get fed up with it sometimes.
We both work shifts so getting to our classes together is difficult at the moment, once I'm on mat leave I'm hoping we can go together.
He never touches my tummy unless I ask him to feel the movements...when I ask if he's excited about the baby he says it doesn't feel real to him at the moment.
I just feel he's not that interested although saying that, he went out to meet some friends the other night and he was talking about the baby to them.

PuggyMum Tue 05-Mar-13 20:13:40

Very early days here. I'm 10 weeks with pfb. Am very tired and DH is really being fab. Making me cups of tea and not letting me do much if he's here. He works shifts so knows I have to do stuff when he's not here.

I'm insisting I'm not ill and don't want him to get bored in case further down the line I need him to help me more! But he is loving it at the moment.

To be fair he does more than his share anyway as I have a commute to work and he is local.

I didn't have one, he left hmm
But in my imagination he would be fantastic and look out for me, be helpful and kind until it became irritating.
<lovely daydream grin>

DH was great cooking dinner pretty much every night of the first trimester as I felt too sick to go in the kitchen but other than that he would frequently forget I was pg - his friends noticed my bump (at about 6ish months) before him! He would also cuddle me or have his hand over my tummy and would be surprised when ds kicked him because he forgot he was there! Charming!

curlyclaz13 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:03:03

op are you me ? I think because I have been lucky and been well so far and still don't have much of a bump he thinks I am still the same as before ! I would love to be looked after !

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