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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

How does your DP treat you in pregnancy?

30 replies

glossyflower · 05/03/2013 19:28

Just wondering as I know everyone is different.
We are expecting our first baby, and I'm 33 weeks now.
DH doesn't treat me any differently than before pregnancy and sometimes I feel like he should try and look after me a bit more as I am starting to struggle.
He does things if I ask him to but doesn't take his own initiative. Eg run me a relaxing bath or rub my aching back.

OP posts:

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pinkbear82 · 05/03/2013 19:33

Depends what the weather is doing! Sometimes a bath will be run for me - usually find this is to distract from some earlier stupid behaviour....
He has been trying with some things, especially since I spent a week in hospital, washing and cooking (if I over look the reminders to take the washing out the machine before it goes smelly ) but he is trying!

Some things men just don't consider important like we do, and no matter how we hint or mention it'll still fall on deaf ears.

Ellypoo · 05/03/2013 19:36

My DH is being fantastic - I'm suffering a lot with PGP and have been permanently shattered, am now 31 wks and he has been doing pretty much all the cooking for weeks now! We have a cleaner in every week anyway and I still do the washing but he's absolutely brilliant!

I do feel sorry for him though and am looking forward to reciprocating once the baby is here and we've settled down a bit!

MisselthwaiteManor · 05/03/2013 19:37

He treats me like I'll shatter into a million pieces if I do anything for myself. The best thing is if I attempt any housework while he's here he comes running at me and takes the hoover/washing/whatever out of my hands. I'm going to miss that one when I'm not pregnant anymore! He doesn't take any initiative either though, but responds to heavy hints: "sigh... I'd love a bath but I'm too tired to go and sort it out... massive sigh"

Phineyj · 05/03/2013 19:58

Could you go to an NCT class with him? They give tips on this, and also it will let him see what other blokes are doing to help.

cupcake78 · 05/03/2013 20:02

I honestly think I'm the luckiest woman alive! Dh has been brilliant. He lets me go to bed early, will take ds out if I'm shattered at the weekend. He runs a bath for me and will put ds to bed while i rest. He helps with as much housework as he reasonably can. He does it in his own way but at least he tries.

He tells me I'm more beautiful than ever and amazing for growing a baby.

Only thing he really struggles with is food smells and not eating onions/garlic. It makes me really horribly sick.

There is very little he hasn't helped with and tbh I'm murder to live with.

curlyclaz13 · 05/03/2013 20:03

op are you me ? I think because I have been lucky and been well so far and still don't have much of a bump he thinks I am still the same as before ! I would love to be looked after !

pettyprudence · 05/03/2013 20:03

DH was great cooking dinner pretty much every night of the first trimester as I felt too sick to go in the kitchen but other than that he would frequently forget I was pg - his friends noticed my bump (at about 6ish months) before him! He would also cuddle me or have his hand over my tummy and would be surprised when ds kicked him because he forgot he was there! Charming!

MakeItUpAsYouGoAlong · 05/03/2013 20:04

I didn't have one, he left
But in my imagination he would be fantastic and look out for me, be helpful and kind until it became irritating.

PuggyMum · 05/03/2013 20:13

Very early days here. I'm 10 weeks with pfb. Am very tired and DH is really being fab. Making me cups of tea and not letting me do much if he's here. He works shifts so knows I have to do stuff when he's not here.

I'm insisting I'm not ill and don't want him to get bored in case further down the line I need him to help me more! But he is loving it at the moment.

To be fair he does more than his share anyway as I have a commute to work and he is local.

glossyflower · 05/03/2013 20:18

Hmm I think the last time he told me I was beautiful was on our wedding day!
When I ask how I look in my nice maternity clothes he just says fat...of course he's joking, he is a big joker but I get fed up with it sometimes.
We both work shifts so getting to our classes together is difficult at the moment, once I'm on mat leave I'm hoping we can go together.
He never touches my tummy unless I ask him to feel the movements...when I ask if he's excited about the baby he says it doesn't feel real to him at the moment.
I just feel he's not that interested although saying that, he went out to meet some friends the other night and he was talking about the baby to them.

OP posts:

ladymia · 05/03/2013 20:18

Mine treats me exactly the same way. He still runs me baths (as he has done for years) and helps around the house (as he's always done). He is a bit more protective though.

I don't expect men really change just because we are pregnant? I think if people are considerate they will always be and if they are not they will probably never be?

I feel lucky to have the husband I do but then again I felt lucky to have him before I got pregnant and would not have married him if I thought he was anything but kind and considerate.

phoenixrose314 · 05/03/2013 20:19

DH hasn't dared to make the mistake of treating me like glass... I'm a very strong willed and stubborn lady and have continued to do everything I did before pregnancy. The only time he kicked up a fuss was when I demanded to be allowed to shovel snow from our driveway... but he wasn't going to do it so I got my way in the end

Having said this, there are days when I feel too exhausted to lift a finger and he has been more than understanding, really really wonderful. He is always telling me how beautiful I am, and how amazing my body is for growing our baby.

Sounds sappy but I honestly feel like I'm more in love with him than ever now [embarrassed]

amirah85 · 05/03/2013 20:24

my DH is the same OP!am lucky as have easy pregnancies and not a huge bump,so DH doesn't really feel that excited etc about the baby as it doesnt feel real for him.he does help,he does usually anyway,and he's a big big help after the baby comes,but he's not he type to treat me as if i was made of glass(nor i m the type to be treated as such ;-)

LineRunner · 05/03/2013 20:27

My ExH was unhelpful even when I had pre-eclampsia.

The 2nd time round he had an affair as well.

Happy days.

Astr0naut · 05/03/2013 20:29

Dh says that you need to ask him, he won't be offended. He says: "our equivalent of a bath is a nice lie on the couch with some telly. Candles are for when there are no lights." He also says that a list of things you would like him to do would also be useful, as men have different ideas about what looking after someone looks like.

I had no complaints through both pregnancies - although I may have complained a lot during them! He was more understanding first time round - especially when I'd refuse to eat tea beause I suddenly couldn't stand the smell of it. He would stroke my hair a lot, but only on request!

Compliments were restricted to "you look lovely", but then, that's his standard compliment, so is ultimately meaningless.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/03/2013 20:32

Like a slightly ailing Queen

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had awful sickness, and he used to bring me a picnic and a big jug of weak squash in bed before he went to work so that I didn't have to move.

RubyrooUK · 05/03/2013 20:36

My DH treats me mainly the same as normal when pregnant because I am not the kind of person who likes to relax or be fussed over.

(The only exception is on public transport where he becomes madly protective when I'm pregnant and gets really angry about anyone who accidentally knocks me...)

I do tell him to rub my feet a lot and moan and anything I ask him to do, he does without complaint. He does more housework than me anyway and never really whines about it.

This is my second pregnancy though and in general, he isn't as attentive as first time round. Probably because between us we are trying to wrangle a tricky toddler so pregnancy comes way down the priority list...

phoenixrose314 · 05/03/2013 20:38

Oh, in regards to your DP feeling uninvolved - I got DH to rub cocoa butter on my bump, boobs, thighs and bum and was very liberal with gratitude - it helped him to feel involved and connect with the baby - and me!

nailak · 05/03/2013 20:40

the same way he did before

CitizenOscar · 05/03/2013 20:45

DH is generally brilliant whether I am pregnant or not. We share childcare & other domestic chores etc. however I don't think he cuts me enough slack when I'm pregnant! He knows in theory how tiring it is to grow & carry a baby but he just can't empathise. It's only now I've had some back problems that he's realised that getting me to carry our toddler round the supermarket might not be the best idea.

I just remind him in a straightforward way about all the hard work that's going on inside my body right now!

WhirlingOut · 05/03/2013 20:49

DH treats me the same and gets grumpy at me until I remind him that I've got a barrel loads of hormones going through me so he has to deal with it! He is pretty good anyway to be honest with helping round the house and being nice to me, so I don't mind. I don't let him run me baths anyway as he always makes them too cold!

FoofFighter · 05/03/2013 20:52

Same as ever, no housework, no cups of tea, no meals cooked for me....

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SchroSawMargeryDaw · 05/03/2013 21:09

It varies.

Most of the time he is more than lovely (offers to make me food, tea, run me a bath, tell me to go to bed and he'll look after toddler DS).

Other times he's a grumpy sod, but he's always been like that and I think I would be quite if he was always that sweet!

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 05/03/2013 21:11

He does walk the shops up to 3 times a day for me though (they're up a load of stairs and I have bad joints) for juice, chocolate etc. So he is lovely really. :o

ButteryJam · 05/03/2013 21:16

The same I'd say, except the house is a mess because I'm a clean freak, but it doesn't seem to bother him at all :(. He does jump to get something I'm craving, but I've only had one or two literally ...

Maybe I should show him this thread

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