Mumsnet Talk

Ok I get you. But again, different people use different bath products (some won't use any at all) and a baby's skin is often sensitive to changes - I wouldn't dare to buy toiletries for someone else's baby, and to be honest I don't know anyone who does. It sounds like you have a particularly thoughtful mother (which is great!) but I agree that this sounds more like differences in expectations.

Just buy a stash of what you need and ask permission to keep a box at their house, if there is space.

Gosh, I've always supplied baby wash, nappies, wipes, nappy cream, calpol etc when visiting my mum. I didn't realise that meant she wasn't bothered with my children!

I leave stuff there and sil uses it when she visits with the children, and vice versa.

I've seen threads on here where people have bristled about MILs buying a load of baby stuff... can't win really.

Pregnancy hormones! I don't think anything you've mentioned sounds at all unreasonable.

Actually I meant baby bath - as in baby bath lotion/bubble bath not a baby bath, I wouldn't expect them to buy us that! I have been spoiled by my mum that's for sure. DH does get annoyed that they've not bought stuff though.

A basic baby bath, changing mat etc doesn't cost much. My mum did buy some bits and pieces to keep at hers but I'd never have expected her too, and I bought anything extra that I felt I'd find useful (IKEA Antelop high chair for example) myself - after asking her permission to clutter up her house with baby stuff of course.

I think it's best to try not to read all this emotional stuff about not caring about grandchildren into what could be very simply differences in expectations.

As for the lunch thing, well you know now not to offer

Unfortunately not everyone is thoughtful as you or your mum and you have to accept that. Also your hormones are not helping the situation. Just count yourself lucky you have a thoughtful mum at least.

Asking you to make her a sandwich when you've just had surgery was very cheeky and thoughtless, I grant you that. Next time just tell her where the bread is!

I agree that turning up late for the party without a good reason was rude.

But I think expecting them to have baby items (bath, cot, sterilising lotion etc) at their house may be a tiny bit unreasonable. My parents don't have anything like this for their grandchild (my sister's baby) and they adore her. I thought it was the norm to take your own stuff when travelling with the baby, even to grandparents' houses? Everyone uses different items for their baby (a lot of people don't bother with baby baths at all for example). If it makes it more convenient, why not ask if you can buy an extra cheap set of essentials to store at their house?

Defo hormones as I've cried at something silly on TV just now. I have to accept they are different - some parents just are not interested in their grandchildren. My family is full of LOs. How I I do that th

If someone offered me lunch I would expect them to be making it tbh. In your position I probably would have said help yourself to a sandwhich the bread is x and stuff in the fridge. I think that was probably a bit of a misunderstanding.

I do have a little bit of this with my mil. Getting used to how families are different with dc can take a while. Dp's family and mine are very different as there are more young children in my family who see on a regular basis the houses are more equipped for children. A baby bath is quite big to keep for odd occasions. I think probably pregnancy hormones and the differences between the yours and dps family.

Pg hormones do make small things seem massive. Tbh I think that's all it is - some people are just more thoughtful than others, and I don't think it's anything significant that your MIL didn't have baby bath in - I wouldn't have expected my IL's to have it in unless we regularly stayed there, and I would probably purchase some to keep there if they didn't mind.

The fact that your parents are so good will probably highlight the fact that your ILs aren't so good, which makes the difference seem so marked.

MIL might just not be that interested in children - some people aren't, my MIL certainly isn't!

In terms of the sandwich - hopefully if similar happens with DC2, you will have the strength to tell her to make it herself!!

Oh and just after DD1 was born I was having to rest (epidural went wrong/EMCS etc) and when I asked MIL if she wanted lunch - she said 'can I have a sandwich please' I of course made it, even though I was supposed to lie and sit very still to let spinal stuff mend. Why can I not get over this!? It was 4 years ago!???

Am 26 weeks pg with DC2. DD had her birthday party at the weekend. Have to say that even though MIL and FIL have helped us a bit financially (when we both got made redundant) they've not really been into DD1 in the way my grandparents (both sets) were with me and my DS, and our cousins. For example when DD1 was very young we used to have to take everything there - even the cot, baby bath wash and sterlising lotions. MIL would not really have prepared any food for DD1 and would act all surprised when I asked what she should have for dinner. Now DC2 is on the way I'm getting a bit more confrontational. MIL and FIL arrrived late at the party - we've not seen them for two months - and then MIL ended up spending most of the party talking to one of the mums (who is not even a good friend of ours) and ignoring DD1.
They insist on taking loads of photos and wanting thank you cards. But my mum is so fantastic, as are my friends and DH that maybe I'm being unfair. But to not even have bought baby bath kind of makes me a bit mad. My BFF says to let it go, but I feel I need to say something. And I have in an email!!! I just asked why they arrived late and asked if there were any problems/issues I should know about (see - I've made an issue of something by saying that). Was otherwise quite nice saying how good it was to see them.
Oh dear, pregnancy hormones have turned me quite bolshy!