Would you like to be a member of our research panel? Join here - there's (nearly) always a great incentive offered for your views.
SIL pregnant same time as me(36 Posts)
I wondered if anyone is/has been in a similar situation?
SIL announced her pregnancy at 4 weeks, the day after I found out I was pregnant (also 4 weeks!) I didn't want to tell anyone until 12 weeks, which is by a wonderful coincidence Christmas day. SIL has her scan right before Christmas so will likely be passing round pictures etc, and then we will burst in and ruin her moment with 'look at me! I'm pregnant too!'
WWYD? Would you take her to one side and tell her privately first? I've hardly spoken to her before so no idea whether she will be excited or a bit dampened.
And it's the first grandchild on DH's side of the family so it will be a race to see who's first!
This happened to me when pregnant with ds.
SIL announced she was pregnant, I did initially feel jealous she was stealing my thunder, we didn't really speak much either.
It ended up really good as we bonded over our pregnancy moans and groans and of course our kids are only a couple of months apart (now both 7) and great friends.
We did! Mine texted to say she was 6 weeks and so I replied something along the lines of gosh so are we! We hadn't been planning to announce until 12 weeks but did do close family after that. We already had one child so let them tell grannies first.
Very sadly they lost theirs so I suspect my one's birthday will be a tough time. They did conceive again easily so we have babies in the same school year.
I never quite know whether to acknowledge their loss on my one's birthday or leave it.
Wait your 12 weeks and take her to one side and tell her so she can compute it in her head.
I'm due on the 20th Jan, SIL is due the 21st! She told me at as soon as she had a positive test which happened to be a day after I'd done mine though I didn't tell her until I was 12 weeks and we waited until I was 24 weeks before we told the rest of the family. Not as difficult as it sounds as we live a 6 hour drive away from them. This is the second time we've been pregnant together though the first time she was 3 months ahead of me and again, I told her before I told everyone else.
In your situation I'd probably have a quiet word before telling everyone else. I was lucky in that SIL was really happy for us and as I'd already produced the first grandchild 5 years earlier there was no competition to get there first! I guess you're not going to know how she will react until you tell her but at least she won't be put on the spot with family watching her reaction and will have had time to sort her thoughts and feelings out.
SIL fell pg ten weeks before I did, though we were ttc for three months unbeknown to them, and she announced as soon as she POSd. Obviously we weren't going to stop trying, but we didnt tell a soul till our wedding day when I was 11 weeks. Telling her before hand didnt feel right as not even our parents knew.
Tbh, I don't know how she took it. She congratulated us like everyone else and never said another word on the matter.
Depends how you get on with her. Is she likely to be cross if you announce at Xmas?
You could maybe phrase it that you have a present for her baby, but he/she will have to wait to see if he/she will get a big cousin or a little cousin.
I'm due on 1st of Jan, SIL is due on the 31st of december. DH and I told everyone when I was 6wks pg. SIL however kept the her pg secret until about 2wks ago, everyone is still a bit
Gosh she must be barely showing!!
My SIL and I were due a day apart and when I announced a week after she did they definitely weren't happy.
Unfortunately I miscarried but I do wish I had spoken to her before I broadly announced it to avoid the awkwardness...
Funnily enough I'm secretly pregnant again now and her suspicious refusal of wine at the weekend makes me think she is too!
We don't live near so I haven't really seen her much but everyone just assumed she was putting on weight
I announced I was pg, was about 5/6 weeks (first gc) a week later my DH had a call from my dbro telling him to 'tell Knitting SIL is pg too' I was a bit annoyed. Had taken us 6 years to conceive, my parents were very Christian and DB & SIL were not married ( didn't matter to me) & had no where to live.
What I don't understand is if she had found out she was pg when I was 6/7 weeks how is there a 6 week discrepancy between our due dates and our DS's (both were about a week late).
I am still cross about it now, DS is 4. But she refuses to acknowledge that something fishy was going on.
We don't always see eye to eye so this is just one more thing that riles me about her.
I dont understand ^^ how was there something fishy going on and how did your ttc-ness have anything to do with theirs? Maybe they decided between them when to start ttc and dint think to run it by you?
Both my SILs and I were pregnant at the same time. DBs wife was due 6 weeks before me and DHs SIL a week after me. Don't think any of us had a problem with it, and grandparents were all very excited as they were all first babies.
My SIL gave birth 3wks ago, I'm due in 3wks and my sister is due in May. Had no problems with my SIL, we didn't know each other very well, but DH told his Bro (SIL partner) as soon as we found out. Unfortunately it was my Sister who was taking a little longer to conceive who did not take my pregnancy well, but no she is pregnant she is much happier!
My SIL is pregnant at the same time as me- we announced ours first but it turns out she is 1 week ahead.
I have to confess we all just said 'how lovely, it will be great for the cousins to be so close' and have loved comparing bumps and chatting about symptoms etc.
I don't think anyone has stolen anyone's thunder, just look on it as extra special because you can share it!!!
I'm a bit worried about the SIL thing for slightly different reasons.
My SIL sadly miscarried earlier in the year twice and as far as I know isn't pregnant again yet. Me and dh have been ttc number 2 and it does bother me that if we achieve it, our announcement would be just rubbing salt in the wound.
I'm assuming they wouldn't announce until quite late in the day due to the previous losses so I am just hoping all the time that she's preggers and I just don't know yet.
I did suggest to dh that we waited a bit but he said that we can't put our life on hold and I know he's right really.
OOH <<evil cackle>>
Here is what I would do...
Keep schtum. Dont tell a soul. Get your own scan in before christmas as well, and sit there all quiet and demure on christmas day whilst she holds forth. When she is sitting there all smug at the dinner table, Id ask to see her scan photo. Take a goood look and say something like..."Weeell, its not bad, but ours is much clearer"....
Steal the buggers thunder!
This happened to us too! SIL told us she was pregnant then a few weeks late I realised we were having a baby too. It was very early days for us and she had told everyone at her 12 week scan. There's 3 months between our DS and our beautiful niece/goddaughter. We went out for breakfast with her to tell her soon after we found out. We were a little worried about stealing her thunder but like the lovely person she is she was as excited as we were (if not more!). I blame my MIL, the previous Christmas she had begged me to give her a grandchild. She thought her DD (my SIL) would never have kids. So she ended up with two in one year it definitely brought me and SIL closer together. I used to go round there to help her out, watch her DD while she caught up or do her washing up etc for her. Then we went out most days to get some exercise and fresh air with our newborns. I got on with her before then, but mostly in a social (drinking!) environment. We definitely got to know each other better, and I love her more for it.
Do what you want, if she's a nice person she'll be happy for you! It's a wonderful time for you both but your doing the right thing waiting till your 12 weeks.......you can't help that she didn't! Enjoy every minute of it and tell who you want in the order you want exactly when you want
She's had her excitement of telling everyone so by the time your 12 weeks her news will be olds news anyway
Good luck x
Tell everyone just before Christmas. There is no need for a big announcement.
Some of you are really strange. Pregnancies happen when they happen, you lot would have kittens at my family. We announced (long standing engagement) that we were marrying in the August, brother and SIL said "how lovely we've just booked for June". No one, inclyding me, batted an eyelid. Fast forward six years, we phone pil to announce I'm six weeks pregnant, next day bil and SIL announce they are four weeks. Again, no one other than thrilled.
I had no idea you were expected to time your life changing plans around other people's until I found MN.
What LadyMrgolotta said. This is yet another of those things I had no idea people cared about before I found MN. 'Stealing people's thunder', wtf?
As for knittingnovice and her "something fishy" and still being pissed off four years later, I am lost for words tbh.
I just don't get the big deal about making a huge announcement. We just visited people personally and told them.
I think big announcements can be very upsetting to people who are struggling to conceive or have had miscarriages.
I remember visiting a friend's house, loads of other people were there, we were all given a glass of champagne and the announcement was made. I had miscarried barely a month beforehand, and as much as I wanted to be pleased for the couple, it was very hard to hold in my own emotions. I hid in the bathroom crying.
Christmas Day arrives. You and sil both arrange to hand out some presents-baby T- shirts with words like "Worlds Best Grandma", "Worlds Best Uncle" ect., according to the persons relationship to everyone there.
Everyone is confused...Who is pregnant?" they ask excitedly.
Meanwhile, you and sil have sidled up beside each other. Probably giggling your heads off.
Then, with a flourish, at the same time, you both reveal Baby Bump t shirts underneath your clothing, with radiant smiles and say "We are!"
<drama queen emoticon>
And if you do anything remotely like my scenario, please post about it!
Join the discussion
Please login first.