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Second and subsequent time mums - scared of the newborn phase?

(15 Posts)
knickyknocks Thu 15-Nov-12 15:54:25

It may just be me, but I'm sitting here thinking back to when my DD was a newborn and didn't sleep at all well. I remember feeling wretched for at least a year (she didn't sleep through until well after her first birthday).

I'm excited about meeting my new son, but scared of how bad things may be - I remember days of feeling literally dizzy and sick with tiredness and having to beg my mum to come over to help. Is it just me to feel worried about how things will be? I so want to enjoy it all this time, we tried so long to have our second, but now I'm 23 weeks I can start to feel a fearful feeling emerging and I don't like it......sad

Oh gosh yes I felt like that very much with PG with DD2. PG with DD1 was a breeze - I floated around like a goddess. With DD2 I had every minor but relentless and uncomfortable complaint going. I was super anxious as to how it would all work out, how much work it would be, how I would manage etc etc.

Turns out DD2 was a dream baby and everything is SO much easier 2nd time around. I guess it's such a sharp learning curve with your first, and you need to remember that you know so much now (even if you think you have forgotten it).

Plus the old adage seems to be true - "you treat your first like glass and your second like rubber". smile

Really it will be fine & you'll be great.

noblegiraffe Thu 15-Nov-12 16:09:20

I'm so dreading it I've left 3 years between babies. When anyone says 'you must be excited about the baby' I'm a bit non-committal as I'm really not excited about what it entails. My plan is to just grit my teeth and get through it as I know what comes after is much better.

Panzee Thu 15-Nov-12 16:14:13

I am dreading the whole thing! I try not to think about it too much, when I feel myself lurching into the "OMG what have we done" area I force myself to think about something else. I am telling myself that because I didn't give too much thought to the baby part in my first pregnancy and it all worked out fine, so it will this time too <denial emoticon>grin

GinAndaDashOfLime Thu 15-Nov-12 16:31:18

Oh god yes me too .. My 3rd dc due in 4 weeks and in denial about the labour / birth / sleepless nights / constant demands of a baby ... But I do remember that with my dc2 I just carried him round like a bag while doing stuff with dc1, and "processed" him from time to time to keep him fed / warm etc .. Do feel bit sad about that now but he's turned out absolutely delightful 4 years on so it can't have been too bad..???!

ZuleikaD Thu 15-Nov-12 16:55:34

Number 2 was so much easier. You're confident, you know what you're doing - we found it much easier. Also the newborn phase passes much more quickly when you've got an older child barrelling around. Gin is right - get a sling and just carry n/b around feeding as necessary. Am also pg with DC3 and have bought an Ergo with n/b insert in preparation - I basically plan to have no 3 strapped on day and night.

knickyknocks Fri 16-Nov-12 08:56:30

Thanks for the replies. I feel calmer about it all today - it's just like panzee said, there are moments of sheer dread and omg what are doing to ourselves again.....but noblegiraffe you're so right, I do know what's coming and I know that from a year onwards life gets much much better.

You never know ladies, any of us could have that dream baby this time!! (If I do I have a feeling it'll be a similar feeling to winning the lottery grin)

SkinnyMarinkADink Fri 16-Nov-12 22:08:23

Im not sure if i am being slightly naive about it but i am really not phased by the new born screaming up all night phase, with dd she cried and cried from 8pm -8am every night till 3 months and also had a hernia in the middle.

So i keep thinking it can't be any worse than the first time when i fell asleep walking up the stairs through exhaustion or driving up and down the a1 at 2am for an hour...

tinyshinyanddon Sat 17-Nov-12 02:31:46

I am right there with you but there are a few things I am telling myself to remain up-beat:
1. This will be our last baby, so when things are awful with newborn DC3, I know I will NEVER have to go through it again.
2. DC1 was and is a wonderful sleeper, DC2 didnt sleep through til +1y then did 6m of waking at 4-5am to start the day. Perhaps DC3 will be like DC1? Please?
3. Been through it 2 times and know that it WILL end and things DO get better.
But, yeah, kind of dreading it. Was thinking of writing myself a letter with the above points which I can read in the depths of newborn/first 12m hell.

nannyl Sat 17-Nov-12 11:15:28

i know the feeling

i m dreading the being awake all night with the baby..... then having to look after 22m DD all day..... and then baby getting colic.... and then being awake all night again.... on repeat

yes i am dreading it!

Dualta Mon 19-Nov-12 13:44:23

Right there with you all.
I'm 25 weeks PG with a 13mo dc1. Not one bit excited so far after a year of no sleep and fighting with cranky dh. I dont think we make dream babies! ;)

Worried about bonding this time, probably silly!

HastaLanugo Mon 19-Nov-12 16:57:48

Health issues aside, my first was pretty easy going. I am therefore utterly terrified that number 2 will be harder work - which we will have to deal with alongside caring for a hyperactive toddler. But I am desperate to meet my new little girl, and for this painful pregnancy to be over.

juneau Mon 19-Nov-12 17:06:12

I remember going to a midwife-led birth refresher course just before my 2nd was born and all of us were rather dreading having a newborn again. But actually it was much easier second time around. I knew what I was doing, I knew what to expect, I knew how to BF, and I also knew that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, which I didn't really know the first time around!

Of course, you never know what you're going to get in terms of a good or bad sleeper, but you just have to roll with it and if you have a mother who is close by who doesn't mind coming round to help you out, ask her over. In the general scheme of things the newborn phase is really short - so try to keep it in perspective and try to enjoy it. I enjoyed DS2 more than DS1 because I knew he was going to be my last baby and how short that phase is.

katiecubs Mon 19-Nov-12 17:40:30

I'm scared! 27 weeks and dreading the lack of sleep.

DS was actually a pretty good sleeper but I'm convinced that this time it means I will get a horror!

We will get through it though and just think of all those lovely first cuddles smile

Katydive Mon 19-Nov-12 17:42:19

I felt exactly the same when pregnant with my second DS, my first labour went horriblly, he didn't sleep, I got fed up etc etc. I was so worried about having a similar experience that I spoke to a counsellor at the hospital about my experience. She told me that as long as I kept positive it would most likely be different and she was right. I had a wonderful birth and despite the night feeds was a very easy going baby. It's true with your second, you have anther running around and you don't have time to stress/be a perfectionist. I am pregnant with my third and last, and I want to savour every moment good or bad as it will never happen again.

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