I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant, and this was totally unplanned and bad timing. I'm about 2 weeks pregnant. I have an appointment tomorrow to find out for sure how far I am.
Background: I've been dating DP for 5 months. I genuinely love and care for him. He already has a 3 yr old DS to his XP and has to travel 1 hour to pick him up. I live even farther away from his son. The reason he's living in this area is because of his son. His family lives 5 hours away. Prior to yesterday, we've talked about marriage and children. I already made plans to spend the Christmas holiday with his family and son. We made these plans a couple months ago. We're very sure we want to be together. We have plans to travel, marry, etc.
When I told him yesterday that I was pregnant (via phone), his immediate response was that he would 100% support whatever choice I make. Later, when he came to my house, I asked him his preference. He told me he wanted me to get an abortion. He feels like our timing is completely off. He made the point about how our living situations don't coincide right now, he has to worry about being close to his 3-year-old son, and that we don?t have family support. As I said, his family lives 5 hours away, and I was raised by my grandparents who are too elderly to watch a baby (we both hold full time jobs). He pointed out that we had plans to travel, marry, etc. I agree with all that.
DP doesn't see anything inherently wrong with abortion being that I'm only 2 weeks. He said he sees it as a mass of cells and not a child at this point.
I agree that the timing couldn't be more awful. I wanted to marry and make his son my stepson. I wanted to build a life together and have children later. The thought of having a child right now terrifies me.
I can't help seeing the pregnancy as a child, though. I feel like an abortion would be wrong. I don't know how I could ever feel like I deserve another child if I would abort this one.
I'm really struggling, though, because the last thing I want to do is bring an unwanted child into the world. I know he doesn't want this baby at this point in our relationship. I grew up without a father. I don't want to force him into a situation he doesn't want to be in. Plus, our relationship is so new. I know this is legally my choice, but I feel he should have a say in this, too. He keeps telling me over and over that he will support my decision. I just don't know what to do.
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Pregnancy
unplanned pregnancy and don't know what to do.....
lemoncookie · 03/10/2012 15:49
Me and DH (then DP) had been together 6 months when we found out I was pregnant. Similarly, had discussed marriage etc but were thinking of it being a few years away still. When we found out, he promised to support me no matter what decision I made - he would prefer to keep the baby, I was initially leaning towards abortion.
After thinking long and hard, we decided that as we were planning everything eventually anyway, the timing would never be perfect so we would go ahead with the pregnancy. He proposed the day after we decided this and got married when I was 4 months pregnant (and not obviously showing!) 
Our son is now 18 months old, and I can't imagine having done anything differently. It was the best decision for me and DH to continue our pregnancy, I know things could have gone the other way - friends and family were concerned that we had not been together long but we knew already that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives. It's not always been easy admittedly, but it's been so completely worth it!
I wanted to tell you this so you could see its possible for it to have a happy ending. Sadly you can look on mumsnet and read tons of other stories where it hasn't, and a woman has been left while pregnant by a man unwilling to be a dad. Ultimately, you need to decide which would be harder to live with - the risk of being a single parent, or the risk of regretting an abortion for the rest of your life (as you clearly sound like you would regret it). Good luck with your decision! :)
To add to the 'good news' stories, I met my partner on an internet dating site and it was all very casual, although we got on well and could see it going somewhere eventually. Fast forward 8 months and I'm 6 months pregnant so we've moved in together and I'm really happy that we decided to give it a go.
When I first found out, he was away so although the decision to be involved was his, I felt it was my decision whether to continue the pregnancy. It was a massive shock I had a copper coil but I love being a mum and I felt the 'known unknowns' of being a parent outweighed the 'unknown unknowns' of having a potentially emotionally traumatic abortion. I'm not anti-abortion at all - that was just my thought process for my situation at that point in time.
So despite being not quite divorced and in the process of complicated custody negotiations with my exh, I know I have lots of good friends locally and, although further away, family who are good at telephone emotional support so I will cope. My fantastically supportive partner is just a huge bonus 
Good luck and make the decision that is right for you.
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