Your best tips for first week with baby number 2?

[champagnesupernova]

Just seen this thread on discussions of the day and it's brilliant but just wondering if anyone has any wisdom to share for how to get thru that new baby fog when you're trying to include/enthuse a toddler at the same time?
TIA

Try to have someone on hand to amuse dc1 so you can bond with the new baby.
Obviously not suggesting that you ignore dc1, but I found it very helpful to have friends/family roped in to take older dc's out for a day.

yeah I'd be interested too in how to cope! I don't have a very hands on mum so will probably have to keep asking her to help out- am dreading when DH goes back to work after paternity leave...

Take time to spend time with your dc1. Some quiet time playing together with tran track/dolls house etc...somethng that's just them and you. Especially if you have had a hospital stay.

Try and stick (albeit loosely at first) to dc1's routines - they need to feel secure although don't be too hard on them - their world has just been turned upside down, even if it doesn't seem obvious at the time. An extra half hour at bedtime cosying on the couch watching a dvd isn't going to kill them, or you.

Get any visitors to make a big deal of dc1 before they get to dc2 - dc2 is a baby - they don't have clue who granny/grandpa/auntie/best broody mate is yet, whereas dc1 does and wants to feel included and loved and not as if they have been pushed out. If visitors bring gifts for baby, let dc1 open the gift and play. Again, baby will not care and dc1 is very interested!

Don't push dc1 and 2 bonding - it will happen in int's own time, when dc1 is cmfortable. Obviously suggest times when cuddles or helping might be appropriate, point out at odd times that 'look, baby is watching you!' or 'baby likes it too', but don't make too big a deal out of it.

Anyone who can offer dc1 a fun afternoon out of the house while you catch a bit of snooze/hug time with baby is most welcome. It's important to spend time together as a new extended family, but equally important for dc1 to let off steam at the park/swimming with grandpa/playgroup.

Oh and enjoy and take lots and lots of photo's!!

Hide in hospital for as long as you can.

No doubt the first thing you have to do when you get home is empty the dishwasher or something. All good intentions but the reality (for me) is that no rest at home after the first you're just straight back into it.

Good luck

make everyones lunch the night before so if you are feeding and toddler is hungry you can just take the foil off a plate of sandwiches and some cut fruit and lunch is served.
toddler groups also a godsend. Lots of children an toys to help entertain and all the mess is theirs to clean up.
Soft play areas were also great.
Babies sleep alot in the early days so much easier than you think it will be as long as you can get past the exhaustion of the night feeds.

Ooh, I was going to start this exact same thread. Am 34 weeks with DC2, DD seems to have hit the terrible twos and I am shitting myself slightly nervous.

Any more tips gratefully received! :)

Threelittleducks- some great advice there, especially about the making a fuss thing over DC1. I am pregnant with No2 and have been worried about the unknown so great thread idea OP!

Yes lots of good ideas. Although my ds is 6 yo, and able to understand alot more. I am still apprehensive about those first few weeks while we all adjust. Especially as ds has obviously had along time of being centre of attention.

Thanks for all of these.

Goody! A useful thread!

Marking my place. There'll be 2 years between Ds and dc2. I've been cuddling lots of other people's babies (i do ask permisssion first tho! ) lately to see how he'll react and get him a bit used to seeing mummy with another baby!

Wear the baby in a sling! I didn't use a sling for dc1 but don't know what I would do without it for dc2. There is no way I would have found the time to settle the baby for a nap in the cot (which she hates anyway) while trying to look after a toddler.

Try not to get too upset by dc1's reaction - it all settles down again into some sort of normality pretty quickly.

brilliant thread, was just going to start one like this myself. 12 weeks pregnant with dc2, ds 2.7 and suffering with HG. Nervous about coping with 2.

Again, thank you OP!

Another shameless bump here - although this is DC4, the last 3 were really spread out (DD1 - 12, DS1 - 8, DS2 - 20 mths, and DC4 due Dec 8th), so with a small age gap this time I'm really worried that we're going to have real jealousy problems or that DS2 is just going to continue his whacking people/headbutting to assert his independence.
Any tips anyone?
(Btw, I make it sound like he's really violent - he's not, he obviously doesn't mean it maliciously, we just can't seem to stop him doing it - have ignored, used naughty step, said 'Ow - no, please don't do that, you're hurting Mummy/Daddy/Hobbit/Wada' but it hasn't seemed to have worked so far!)

Great thread and some fantastic advice on here that I wouldn't have thought of. I like the bit about letting older DC open the presents!

DS will be exactly 3 when this one is due and while he seems excited, I am worried about the reality of dealing with 2, especially with M.E. as well. But then I was very very over worried on how I was going to cope with 1 baby and it wasn't nearly as bad as I built it up to be so I'm hoping that this time will be the same.

I am absolutely terrified - DD will be 23 mths when DC2 born.
How on earth do I do bathtime/bedtime/not send DD into whirlwind of feeling displaced and neglected . I know I overworried before DD was born - turned out to be v placide baby - so fear I have a nasty shock coming my way if DC2 not like DD PLUS coping with two
obv pregnancy hormones but in tears last night after DD in bed thinking how was I going to cope

I am sure I read on MN somewhere about bathtime, either do each child alternate days (depending on how grubby your toddler is)
or do baby first and let toddler "help" and then dry and dress baby while toddler splashes plays.

Sunday lunchtime bump

Before DD was born I did a book of DS's week. It included which groups we went to, where they were, what they were like, how much they were etc but most importantly maps on how to get there. It meant that I could just give the file to grandparents and DH so that DS's week could continue as normal as much as possible. They didn't have to go to things with DS, but if they wanted to it was there and I didn't have to sort all the information out at the last minute. I also put things in like where the local parks were and how to get there. The maps were especially useful.

Someone told me that if possible don't be holding the baby yourself when you introduce the toddler to them. My Mum held DD and I brought DS in to see them. I guess it just helps the older one not feel displaced.

Learn to feed sitting on the floor. That way you can continue to play with the older one when you are feeding.

Don't think this has been mentioned by anyone but I got some amenable relatives to bring a present for the new "big brother" when they came to see baby for the first time.

I had a larger gap at 3 years but DS was actually brilliant with the new baby, to the point where he would "translate" her cries for me as he said he could still talk "baby". (Of course they fight like cat and dog now...)

The physical stuff was hardest - a good buggy/sling combo will be a life saver.

Ah, you'll be fine, newborns sleep so much you'll have plenty of time for DC1, especially in the first few weeks. I was worried that DD would be jealous of DS (she was 23 months when he was born) but considering how boring he seemed to her, she couldn't have cared less about him! She was a bit cross with me for leaving her when I was in hospital (stayed three nights) but that was the worst part. Just make sure DC understands they're not going to have an instant playmate, explain how babies are quite boring and sleep a lot.

Make sure you're not holding the baby when you first see DC, have someone else there to hold him/her or make use of car seat/moses basket. Have your arms free to cuddle DC.

I would get any visitors to make a fuss of DC1, but not to ask the obvious "what's it like being a big brother/sister" or other baby questions, probably best to stick to everyday things e.g "Wow! What's this toy, can you show me how it works?" If they bring a gift for baby hopefully any with two or more kids will also bring a gift for older child, if not perhaps prepare a few little presents for them, that you can keep hidden for such occasions.

Have meals that you can all eat in the freezer. And make sure you have quick snacks available for DC.

Get some new books from the library so you can read something to DC while feeding baby.

Definitely agree with getting used to feeding on the floor :-) also don't worry if baby has short and frequent feeds. It makes it easier to fit in with older DC and the baby will get used to it, they'll still get all they need.

As for bathtime etc, you wont really need to worry about that for a few weeks as new baby wont need a bath for a while. Try to keep to DC's normal routine, I found putting DS in his car seat was a trusted way of keeping him quiet/asleep/safe while we bathed DD.

And finally, ask people to help you!! I found lots of friends stayed away for a while to let us find our feet, but I know they all would have helped if I'd asked :-)

I've rambled on for ages, sorry!.....Now does any one have any tips for DC3???.....

Make sure you have help you can call on, would be my advice. Then you have made contingency plans and you can put your anxiety to bed a little.

Likely everything will be fine - especially because you've already had a placid baby - you must have good genes! If you put someone you trust on standby to come and help, that way if you turn out to have a newborn who is a poor sleeper or, as is often the case, a newborn who needs to be held a lot from the get-go, you'll not be scrabbling around for an extra pair of hands in the thick of sleep deprivation and hormonal fug.

Best of luck OP, sure everything will be fine and you'll love seeing your two LOs together. It's one of the best things I've ever experienced (but also the toughest - I won't kid you!).

22 months between my DS and DD. I had a cs so knew I wasn't going anywhere on my own for a few weeks.

Non stop cbeebies for the toddler. This works quite well if you are bf and stuck to the sofa as you can chat while it's on.

Ready meals for the whole family - even the expensive M&S / Annabel Karmel kids ones.

Rope any local family into helping and making sure the older child can get out and about. And make sure they ignore the baby and pay attention to the toddler instead.

Nice present for the toddler.

Put the baby in the play pen when he / she is sleeping so that they won't get bashed by big brother / sister and you don't have to keep telling them off. You can leave the room to go to the loo without having a nervous breakdown this way .

I always did bath nights the same time. I would put DD in her cot with the mobile on while I sorted out DS, sometime she would cry but it was bearable. DD's bath was so short that DS would play for a couple of minutes while I sloshed her down and wrapped her up in a towel.