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Potty training

Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

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Original poster

Toilet Training - yes I left it late!

12 replies

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 09:49

Due to various circumstances I left toilet training DD(3) late. She was 3.5 years. We bypassed the potty as she showed no interest and went straight to the toilet. In a few days she was happily using the toilet with no nappies on just big girl pants. I used incentives eg stickers or a small chocolate. Things were going okay but then at Christmas we all had the horrible virus. Toilet training took the back burner and nappies went back on.

Virus eventually disappeared as did the nappies. But now its like DD has regressed. Every single day without fail she is peeing through clothes. She says she is too busy and doesnt notice. Sometimes she is even pooing in her pants so its hard to believe she doesn't notice that. Again we have are using incentives and now I'm reminding her every 15 minutes that if she needs the toilet she should go. She is in daycare 3 days per week and is peeing through clothing there too.

I don't know what else to try?! I feel like a complete failure. We also have the pressing issue that she will start primary school next month and needs to be going to the toilet properly. Any advice is appreciated as I feel like I'm having a breakdown over this.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

desperadodogface · 10/02/2023 09:55

To be honest you probably need a reset. I'd put her in pull ups to save your washing. Tell her the big girl pants can come back when she's using the toilet again. Then get her on the toilet every 20-30 minutes all day until she cracks it again. Sticker charts are great at her age too!

Original poster

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 10:17

@desperadodogface I've got her in pull-ups every now and again but I just think she is too comfortable in them and forgets the toilet even exists! Just in the process of making a sticker chart so fingers crossed that helps. I don't mind the washing. Its the trails of pee all over the house!

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eczemamummy · 10/02/2023 10:25

Urgh weve been there. We had a hellish time trying to get my daughter to poo on the potty/toilet and she was a decent age (3ish) and knew when she was doing it! We tried a reward sticker chart and it just wasn't enough. The only thing that worked was a strategy I read on here. I went to the pound shop and bought a load of cheapie pressies to wrap up and put them in a bucket. Every time she did a poo on the potty she got a present. It worked immediately. We then just had to wean her off the presents, so it went to one pressie a day if she did ALL her poos etc on the potty (one day when she did four it cost a fortune in pressies!) x then we went to one pressie at the end of the week etc. It ended up costing a fair bit in little pressies but I wrapped up little bits around the house that she'd forgotten about so you can be as cheap and cheerful as you want. It's the excitement of opening that motivated my daughter! Good luck! I hated potty training and I'm already dreading doing it again! X

HyggeTygge · 10/02/2023 10:30

Have you read Oh Crap! (potty training book)? If you can ignore all the stuff about how leaving it late is terrible (we probably left it a bit late too) they do talk about how to do a total reset. So time at home with pants totally off and access to the potty or loo (do you have rooms with hard floors you can be based in for a day or two?). At 3.5 she can probably help you clean up messes as well.

user1471523870 · 10/02/2023 10:43

Been there too. I would probably reset and do it again.
What worked for us at the beginning was a reward chart and small presents for using the toilet. That gave him the encouragement not to say no when reminded to use the toilet. Then, slowly, he learned to keep the wee for longer (vs peeing constantly in the nappy) and eventually to listen to his body for when the need comes. I think your DD probably needs to rebuild that confidence?
I would also ditch the nappies for good, even pull ups. The temptation is there but it's hard for the little ones to understand they should be used as pants and not as nappies if they have them on. I know the mess is not ideal but it's just temporary and you can buy cheap pants in multipacks in a supermarket and just throw them away

Original poster

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 11:02

DD knows where to go/what to do its just when she gets super focussed on playing. I've tried the presents thing and it worked for a little while but then it stopped working. Now doing a reset. So far so good. After I burst into tears in frustration. She hugged me. 15 minutes later she went to the toilet on her own. I can cope with most things in life but toilet training...arghhhhhhh!

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Original poster

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 11:04

@HyggeTygge Not read Oh crap! as I don't the method. Plus its pretty cold at the moment so it would be very unfair, not too mention demoralising, for DD to wander around naked.

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HyggeTygge · 10/02/2023 11:09

Not sure what you mean about the method. They don't have to be naked, just no bottom half (and please don't make your 3 yr old think there is anything weird about their naked body) but agree you have to have the heating up pretty high. That's what worked for us though (pre energy price crisis!!).

It was the feeling of clothing (or nappies etc) that was making them comfortable to just wee - obviously all kids are different though. Good luck with it!
(Also how come she is starting primary school?)

SecondtimeMama29 · 10/02/2023 11:13

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 10:17

You can't switch them in and out of pants and nappies.

You need to stick with one. Even though she was sick, going back into nappies is confusing.

You need to stick with one. (Qualified in this area, not judgemental Mummy)

Original poster

citybumpkin · 10/02/2023 11:17

@HyggeTygge We've never made her feel bad about being naked. We're pretty liberal in our house but not when its so blooming cold! Primary school - we're not UK based.

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Eliz87 · 12/02/2023 16:11

I love the present idea. I’m definitely going to try this because potty training has broken me. I’d literally rather go back to new born and being up all night than suffer the hell that is potty training.

Original poster

citybumpkin · 26/02/2023 19:52

@Eliz87 The present idea works but only if you choose the present! I've been asking DD what she wants for a present if she is "successful" at the end of the week. She keeps asking for the impossible! It more stressful for me trying to find the present than the actual toilet training!

Sticker chart started off well but her interest is slowing waning. I had the sudden thought that perhaps the faff of putting the training seat on the toilet and getting her little step in place plus switching on the light (enclosed toilet) was too much for her ie she could not be arsed. So now we make sure that everything is always set up ready. Last few days = no accidents whatsoever so I guess she might have been being lazy/hated the faff!

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