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Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.

Potty training

3 year old knows when he's pooing and weeing but refuses the potty/toilet...

6 replies

BornToFolk · 10/10/2010 19:49

We started training DS (three next week) last week. The first day was good - couple of accidents in the morning, then in the afternoon he came to tell me he needed a wee, off we went to the toilet, he weed - everyone was happy! For a ocuple of days, he say happily on the potty after breakfast, playing with my ipod, and producing poos and wees. Hurrah! This will be easy, I thought...how wrong I was...

Since then, he has been extremely reluctant to sit on the potty or toilet (we've got a special toilet seat) to wee or poo. We have made some progress as he knows when he needs a wee or poo. He may not actually say it but he makes it clear by his behaviour i.e. jigging around, asking to go to bed (he still gets a nappy for nap and bedtime so by asking to go to bed, he's really asking for a nappy), asking to be changed etc.

However, he just won't sit on the potty or toilet. We've tried bribery with chocolate buttons, stickers on a reward chart, playing with my ipod (huge treat) or watching TV or having a story while he sits there. Nope.

He's managing to hold it for ages, but gets increasingly uncomfortable and grumpy and eventually has an accident (which is always dealt with in the proper "oh dear, never mind" fashion) He doesn't like accidents, especially poo accidents but likes it more than the idea of going on the potty. Sometimes we do persuade him to sit down and he produces a tiny bit, or does nothing at all and gets back up again, only to have a big accident 5 mins later. I'm trying not to remind him too much as he gets annoyed with being asked all the time but when it's bloody obvious he needs to go I can't just ignore it!

Any ideas? I'm not keen to put him back in nappies as he is making progress (in that he can hold it, and knows when he needs to go) and I feel like going back to nappies would be going backwards. He's at nursery 3 days a week and doing the same kind of thing there. I think they may be pushing him a bit much though but I don't know really.

It's really frustrating - he is physically capable of doing it, he just won't!

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IMoveTheStars · 10/10/2010 19:53

In exactly the same situation. First few days were a breeze, had several days when he happily used the potty, very few accidents etc.

Now he refuses to wear his pants, won't sit on the potty, etc etc

We've given up and put him back in pull-ups (otherwise he'll hold it in so long, get upset, have an accident and get hysterical)

gaahah

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Bert2e · 10/10/2010 20:00

Bribery in the form of chocolate would be worth a try!

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BornToFolk · 10/10/2010 20:48

How old is your DS Jareth? I'm starting to think it might have been easier when DS was younger and less stubborn...

Bribery of any form doesn't seem to be working Bert2e.

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IMoveTheStars · 10/10/2010 22:07

He's 2.11. I waited til he was ready (really wasn't interested before) and it went sooo well I thought I had it cracked. I [dare I say it] even felt a leetle bit smug.

I'm thinking of going down the dreaded reward chart route, but not sure he's old enough to understand it.

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GrizzlyMum · 10/10/2010 22:39

Hi BornToFolk,
I have a few suggestions for you.
Firstly, I agree with what you say about constantly asking children tends to annoy them. So try not to ask very often, and be casual when you do.

Secondly, I recommend removing the fun thing they are doing when they need to go. So say, you can play with your train after we've been to the toilet, mummy put in on the shelf, you can have it back in a minute.

I found saying 'lets have a little try' really helpful. It takes the pressure off somehow. So get him to sit on the potty/toilet. Tell him he just needs a little try, and reward him with a sticker just for the sitting (with pants off). If he wants to get off, let him after a very short time (30 seconds or so). Once on the toilet, I found dd usually weed if she needed to.

From what you say about stories/ipads etc, it sounds as if it takes ages - that might be part of the problem.

Also, try not to ask a direct question - which the answer is usually 'no' at his age. 'Lets have a little try' is much more effective.

Finally, for a poo, have you tried lining the potty with a nappy? This is a Gina Ford tip that really works.

HTH

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BornToFolk · 11/10/2010 09:52

"I [dare I say it] even felt a leetle bit smug."

So did I, the first day. That's what's done for it!

GrizzlyMum, thanks for your tips. I did the "let's have a try" thing after breakfast and he sat on the potty with not much fuss. We had a quick look at a book (he does seem to need a bit of distraction, otherwise he jumps straight back up again) then I let him get up as soon as he asked too and praised him for having a try (and for putting his pants back on all by himself!)

Then he had a poo accident...but it was in the bathroom and we had just been talking about pooing. So I'm taking that as progress!

Thanks for the tip about putting a nappy in the potty too, will try that one.

I hardly asked him about it this morning either just a quick "let me know if you need a wee or poo" when we sat down for breakfast.

I think we just need to back off and chill out a bit, which is fine at home but I do worry about nursery. I think they are putting the pressure on him a bit. But I do understand why as they can't watch him all the time like I can at home and he's not able to say "I need to go!" just yet...

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