I didn't go to chuch today

(14 Posts)
Titchyboomboom Sun 24-Feb-13 07:52:54

I don't like the collection tray at the toddler service... Not sure why but I don't want dd thinking the church is all about money.

MaryBS Brazil Mon 04-Feb-13 08:31:27

I know exactly what you mean, but isn't it about "the Lord loving a cheerful giver"? I don't believe you should be guilt tripped into giving more if you really feel that you can't for WHATEVER reason. I feel the same way about our stewardship campaign, but as I'm a minister and on PCC I felt duty-bound just to let the stewardship campaigners just how they made me feel. I know our church has financial difficulties, but so do I!

I think you have to rid yourself of your guilt feelings, somehow, and if necessary take a stand. You may not be the only one feeling like this.

TheInnerSea Mon 04-Feb-13 07:49:24

Yes, you're right and that's probably what she's do, but we're a small church, everyone knows we're close and it would be obvious who she was talking about.

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 23:48:48

It's a fine balance though when you are one of the people responsible for balancing the books, and doing your best to let 'the congregation' in general know you need more income (or to economise with something else) without worrying anyone who is not in a position to increase their giving. I know, I've been involved in this conversation many, many times.
If someone let me know that the letter (or lunch, or whatever 'launch' or campaign) we were using had made them feel so uncomfortable they didn't want to attend the service, firstly, I'd be mortified, but secondly, I would feed back to the committee / Elders / Church Council / Stewards / whoever was responsible that people had reported this back, but would never, ever dream of naming a name, and nor would anyone ask. I'd want to report back to ensure that we tempered the letter / campaign so that no-one was left feeling as you do, but certainly wouldn't feel duty bound to tell anyone a name. In fact, quite the opposite.

TheInnerSea Sun 03-Feb-13 21:24:01

No not c of e, but very much a mainstream church. Friend would feel duty bound to try and help which may involve talking to others

cloutiedumpling Sun 03-Feb-13 20:08:47

Is this CofE? It sounds a bit odd to me that your friend could feel duty bound to tell other people anything that you said to her. I would feel uncomfortable about that too. I'd probably either stay away from church for a while or look for another one. I think that we should all think carefully about the amount that we give to our churches, but that is a private matter for each individual.

TheInnerSea Sun 03-Feb-13 18:24:50

I know they would BackForGood and I couldn't stand the fuss they'd make over me if I told anyone. A good friend who is on the "committee" text this morning to ask if I'm Ok, as they'd missed me and I could tell her my reasons, which she'd understand, but she might also feel duty bound to tell the others....

The problem with all these thing is that they tend to make the wrong people feel uncomfortable. If you have thought about it, and concluded that you are giving appropriately, then maybe you just need to steel yourself during the talks etc. If the "persuasive" people are making you feel got at, then a polite word might be needed? "Thank you, yes I have considered my giving. I think you already asked me that a couple of times?" ought to get through all but the thickest skin. And if they keep going after that, then you don't have to keep being polite.

But I'd definitely avoid the "free" lunch, as it is too focussed.

BackforGood Sun 03-Feb-13 17:13:45

I suspect that if anyone at your Church knew you were avoiding going to Church because of it, they would be absolutely horrified.
Churches, just like everyone else have to pay their utility bills, salaries, etc.,etc, and there are quite a few attenders (members or not) who sometimes forget this, or for whom it has just never crossed their minds, and who need a 'nudge' every now and then to give it some thought, to ensure the Church doesn't get into financial difficulty. If, however, you are giving what you are comfortable with at this stage in your life, it is not you this 'nudge' is aimed at.
Please don't stay away because of this campaign. You've given it consideration, and that is all that is being asked.

TheInnerSea Sun 03-Feb-13 17:09:19

ThreeBeeOneGee - I'm not sure how long it will go on for, but it seems to have been one long round of "raising awareness" events over the last month and next week's services is to be based around it, followed by a "free" lunch

TheInnerSea Sun 03-Feb-13 17:07:50

What set your sulk off abbey?

abbeynationall Sun 03-Feb-13 16:59:02

Nothing positive to contribute here but am also on a quiet sulk at the moment. Hopefully someone will come along with words of wisdom

As far as I know, He doesn't take attendance, and he doesn't require subs. If you are giving as much as is right for you as a family, then rest easy.

How long does this 'give to grow' thing go on for? It's usual to have them at this time of year. Apparently our church had a 2 minute slot last week, but I was daydreaming so I missed it. Once this stage of the church's financial year has passed, the pressure should hopefully disappear and you can start going again.

TheInnerSea Sun 03-Feb-13 16:51:33

I am a believer, although my faith waivers from time to time, I think that's normal.

I'm a fairly regular church-goer. DH is not and the DCs (9&11) have got to a point where they're not very keen.

My church is running a "give to grow" programme atm. I give regularly of my time and fairly generously financially. I do not want to feel under pressure to give more, or commit to a regular sum. Although we as a family are fairly comfortable, I don't earn much of the money myself and whilst if I felt strongly that I wanted to contribute, DH would not prevent me, it's not something he would choose to spend money on.

I don't want to feel uncomfortable every Sunday morning or at church social events. As a result I have been avoiding church and my more persuasive church friends.

I know (in theory) it's all private, I still don't like it. How would you deal with this?

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