That is good.

I hate that my kids have to go to school as they come home sometimes and tell me things that gets me all lion like but not enough to go into school about really.

I just thought I'd catch up.

DD has not done nearly 2 weeks at the new school, she is happy and looks forward to going every day - no more nagging in the mornings as she is dressed before me! Also no staying away with anxiety every night.

She loves her lessons, particularly maths - she hated it before as this was one of the lessons with the quiche - and is not behind in this subject as past school thought, maybe she was just so anxious she couldn't do it?

I had a pretty dreadful telephone conversation with the head before leaving, which just reassured me I was doing the right thing.

It is not all plain sailing, DD still screwing up the courage to ask other girls to play or saying yes when other girls ask her - she keeps taking her book at playtime to give herself something to do if she can't find a playmate/group. But things are looking more positive.

The way I look on it- and we've had maybe three or four problems with bullying over the years (always on the receiving end, never had a complaint made against mine)- is that my job is to do with my dcs; it's to see that any bullying of them stops. It is not my job to worry about how this is achieved- that's the teacher's job, or how other children are being brought up- that's their parents job. The teacher needs to show to me that the bullying does stop; she does absolutely not need to involve me in any discussions about the other child or ask my advice about how to deal with them. If I'm not satisfied with the results I'll make a complaint, but not otherwise. In fact, every time I have mentioned a problem, at any of dcs schools, it has improved, so I have to conclude that they know what they're doing. If they didn't, I'd complain or change the schools.

My DD was sitting quietly doing her maths, and continued to do so even after the taunt that was loud enough to be heard by most of the rest of the class.

Although I can see you point.

I just feel all children should be, from a young age, made to see there is a consequence for every action and the painful act (for her) of having to apologise to someone she clearly thinks is below her might do her some good.

It is a very elite private school where being non-sporty, more than skeletal or different in anyway is generally considered poor form. There is an increasing element of entitlement as the children mature. One recent example, I was walking with my physically disbled DS (who was wearing shorts and splints, so fairly obvious even to the untrained eye) when a boy from the school ran through a small gap between DS and a hedge, pushing DS almost over - luckily I was able to 'catch' him as was holding his hand. I said loudly but politely, "Excuse me?" in the vain hope this boy would apologise but he just turned around and said, "What?"

She is changing schools for this and many other reasons, she will be attending a smaller and more nurturing school where effort is praised not just achievement.

Agree with Rusty and MoChan that teacher should talk to her, but not necessarily force an apology. Dd was bullied some time ago - secondary school so slightly different, but basically involved older girl shouting across the playground at ever opportunity that she is just faking her disability. Head of year did speak to her and the bullying stopped, but she has not apologised; dd and head of year discussed this with us on parents evening and decided together that as the bullying stopped after the talking to, it is best to leave things alone and not stir things up by pushing for the apology (but if anything else happens, HoY is on the case...)

The bad thing in your case is that this girl has been missed out of the general talking-to; even without evidence, teacher should have ensured that this was given when she was present. As it is, she needs to speak to her one to one.

The other thing about forcing an apology is, you don't know what went on around the incident. I remember being hauled in front of my teacher and a pair of irate parents and asked to apologise for excluding their daughter. What the girl hadn't told her parents is that this was after she had gone all round the school telling everybody how she didn't like looking at my eyes, because they were so odd and made her feel sick (I had a slight squint); naturally, I didn't feel very comfortable playing with her after that. From her point of view, my classmate had told her parents the truth; it was just that she missed out the part of the truth that was relevant to me, probably because it didn't matter much to her.

Not suggesting that your dd has done anything like this- but if the girl denies it or claims extenuating circumstances, it will be hard to force an apology.

I certainly think the teacher ought to speak to this girl in a one to one situation about it, and reinforce the fact that this is unacceptable behaviour, even if she denies it... I don't think you needs to insist on an actual apology as long as the point is made to her, maybe?

It's a tricky thing. I was bigger than everyone else at school. I wasn't fat, not remotely, just tall and solidly built. I was was repeatedly called fat, however, as well as some other charming nicknames (the one that sticks out is 'earthquake').

My response to this was to diet at a ridiculously young age, get obsessed, get fat, get eating disorder, yo-yo. I don't think I'd have ever got into such a mess if it wasn't for the insults and taunting, so I really do think this is something worth persisting with. Hope it gets resolved.

It could be difficult for the teacher to tell TGIQ to apologise if she denies saying it - you may be sure your DD is telling the truth, but the teacher can't punish without proof - a good PSHCE session on bullying is probably as far as she can go at this stage.

I just thought I'd update.

Emailed teacher on Friday, who emailed back and said she would take on board my comments (about putting it in PSHE lesson, using the JK Rowling stuff) and she had a general chat with all the girls about being kind and ending term on a good note - the girl in question (TGIQ) was then off sick.

I asked DD yesterday if the TGIQ had been asked to apologise and she said no.

So, interfering parent that I am, I have emailed teacher back and asked if they would be getting TGIQ to apologise for the sake of both girls - for my DD to reinforce that it is not acceptable for her to be spoken to like that, she has told me and I have done my best to put it right (she has quite low self confidence and if I hadn't found the note she would have just accepted it, she has been bullied at this school quite badly over a long period when in Yr1/2 - school were crap than) and for TGIQ as she needs to learn there are consequences.

Thanks again for your support

Awww, good. I thought she might be, given her age, and hope it cheers her up to know her tormentor has officially been sorted Slytherin by Rowling herself!

Qually, she is a massive HP fan and that link is brilliant.

I am going to copy it to the teacher forthwith.

You all rock, thanks for the support.