Smacking at home, how your parents carried it out(56 Posts)
The conversation in the media yesterday about banning smacking got me thinking about how I was punished when growing up. I was a child of the 70s/80s, so things were quite different back then. I remember that dad use to work long hours, so mum was the one left to keep discipline at home. She had me and my two brothers to control, and I dont think that we were ever the easiest of kids to look after on a daily basis. Mum struggled a bit and her only way was to smack us. She would take her wooden scholl sandal off (this was her house slipper) to wallop us with, its what she had close to hand! She also used Dads dads plimsoll (it seem so big at the time, it could be that we were small), but that was mostly given to my brothers. I never got it out but would get a good hiding when I got home. I was always trying to get them into trouble with mum by telling on them, I feel bad now! I regularly remember my brothers and I having our pants pulled down and slippered, seemed to be a daily occurrence in our house hold. Hard to believe now, but I suppose it was the norm back then and what you also received at school i.e. home from home. Classmates also seemed to get the same at home. How things have changed! Weve all turned out well so it hasnt had much effect on us! We never saw it as abuse. I think my Mum and Dad were good parents.
Only ever remember a couple of occasions getting a smack on the back of the legs with the hand - once when I ran out into the road and once when my sister lied about something I did(n't). Mum found out later that DSis had lied and she got a harder smack for lying!
My dad lost his temper once when he was brushing my hair and smacked me with the hairbrush. Mum was dealing with my two younger Dsis at the time and we were late going to a wedding. I had long hair which tangled and I was doing the typical 8 year old pulling this way and that. I made a huge hullabaloo, mum rushed in asked what had happened. Dad told her and she said 'We agreed we don't hit with things. How would you like it?" and smacked him with the hairbrush! I was devastated - I'd got my dad in trouble, started an argument and the bloody smack with the brush hadn't even hurt! Never forgot that. Never remember a smack from my dad even before that day.
Both mum and dad could yell though and many a time we were chased through the house by one or the other shouting at us to get to our room. We all just learned that we would never win an argument if we'd done something wrong - we'd lose pocket money, days out or play time and we'd know when we were pushing towards one of those just by the look on mum or dad's face and, more often than not, we'd stop.
I have a similar temper - flare like a rocket and come down just as quick - but I rarely hit and never with an object.
Yep, I got smacked a fair few times but only ever with the hand, never with an object, and only on the back of my legs. I clearly remember the stinging, and holding back the tears. I don't ever remember hating my mum or dad for doing it though.
The one thing iI will never forget though is, after an afternoon at home fighting with my sister, my mum lost it and shouted "I could kill you" to both of us and ran into her bedroom, slamming the door and crying. I felt utterly horrified. I remember tiptoeing into her room to apologise.
so much abuse on this thread
I was only ever smacked twice. Both times it was a 'wait till your father gets home'. And poor old dad had to smack me . He was the biggest softy ever and you could tell he hated it.
Had my mouth washed out with soap for swearing a couple of times too. Once for saying "shut up" and once for saying "bastard". I swear constantly now so it clearly didn't help.
My parents set a very good example for dispute resolution. I'm argumentative now, like I was as a child, but I'm good at cooling down, forgiving, moving on. Not a shouter or a hitter. I think that is a learned behaviour.
DAMAGE is all I am saying. Smacking and hitting and general abuse was perfectly acceptable in those days, it was NOT good and it was NOT healthy, and I am so glad we are no longer like this as a nation. The children of tomorrow will be a calmer, happier and a less violent generation because we choose to change things...this makes me feel a whole lot better about our country and its values.
Don't hit big or small or tiny kids, it is abuse.
I was hit with a wooden spoon or slipper, mum used to say that she wasn't wasting her hand on me.
I lost any respect I may of had for her as I got older and realised that hitting small children for making mistakes is not a good idea.
My dad was a spanker, his favourite line was "I'm going to spank you so hard you won't be able to sit down for a month of Sundays". He never used an implement, but I think smacking a toddler's bottom over and over again until it glows red is pathetic parenting. I detested him for it at the time, and have even less respect for him now. I'm actually glad we left, I doubt his parenting skills would have coped well with stroppy teenage girls!
My mother didn't need to hit us, she could keep us in line with other methods, The Look etc...
She has slapped me twice tho, when she was absolutely at the end of her tether, but frankly I was a horrid teen and deserved it!
My brother, sister and I were born in the 80s and got smacked regularly... Usually because my mum lost her temper rather than our behaviour necessarily warranting a smack, IYSWIM. It was usually a swift whack with whatever came to hand, usually a shoe. I have tapped DS's wrist a couple of times when he's pulled the cats tails, but I hope I never properly smack him. DH has given him a tap on the bum a couple of times and all that's taught DS is that it's funny to smack everyone on the backside...
Dad never hit, but he never did any parenting either. Mum used to wake me up beating me with a hairbrush.
Oh my mum could do 'THE LOOK' you knew what was coming if you failed to comply with that.
You got the ook, then verbal warning that if you continued you wouldget asmack, then you got the smack.
I preferred the smack to the half hour long lectures on why I had been bad tbh
But oh god that LOOK scary wide eyed stuff could stop me in my tracks.
I was smacked if I was cheeky and pushed it. DDad would only take so much.
Never minded much. Way preferred a quick slap to a long lecture or some other prolonged punishment.
I can't conceive my dad grounding me, he never ever stayed cross long enough to remember.
Suited me just fine, I also have quick temper and no patience with people who sulk.
I can conceive of taking laptops or phones of my two, or stopping them doing something.
I yell and send them to their rooms, but I sure as hell don't want them feeling resentful for days.
DD2 is like an Elephant she never forgets. No way would you punish her except by packing her off to calm down.
I was born in the 1960s. We were smacked by both parents, but only with hands and only across the bum/ back of the legs. Worse than the smacking was the shouting and the criticism.
We used to get The Look, and if we were out or had visitors we would dread the closing of the front door/ car door because all hell would let loose.
Our eldest 4 children were born in the 1980s and we smacked them. It wasn't unusual and all the mums I knew did the same. By the time DC5 came along it was no longer the done thing so we didn't smack her. But we didn't know what to do instead (I hate the 'naughty step') so we basically didn't do anything but shout. She is the most badly behaved of all 5 of our children, so I'm thinking now we should have stuck to what we knew. It worked.
Sorry, meant BetrieBotts not Lynette
Why do you ask,
It would break my heart to smack my DS in anger. I have come close maybe twice and realised that once you smack you have lost your self control through anger, which is pretty frightening actually. DS is still a baby really (2.2) and doesn't know 'naughty' only 'exploration' though he pushes all my buttons sometimes. But even when he's older i would consider it a failure on my part to smack him. As i said, i have come close: i leave the room, close the door, gather my strength for five mins (even if he's screaming) and return in a more constructive frame of mind.
Did being smacked do me any harm? No, it did me some good, as I learned it's not the way to discipline a child
Yes Lynette I agree- I have never hit any of my kids and would never dream of it!
AFingerofFudge if I put a piece of plastic like that in the corner of the room to hit my DC with, my DC would just get it and throw it in the bin.
And I would go back to MNetting.
I was smacked by both my parents (youngest of four DC by 8 years). I was shocked to find out as an adult my siblings weren't smacked! I must have just been really naughty!
When I was 15 my DF smaked me round the face (not sure what for, but it could't have been that bad, as I was a pretty square teenager). I said "You must really hate me to hit me like that. But I hate you more."
I chose my DH on the bases that he seemed like someone who would never hit his DC. I was right.
He's a right softie who should use a bit more discipline at times.
Did being smacked do me any harm? No, it did me some good, as I learned it's not the way to discipline a child.
In 20 years my DC will probably say the same thing about shouting.
I grew up in the 70'sand me and my brother were smacked quite often. Sometimes it was with their hands, like a real slap across the bum or legs, but mostly they had this stick which sat in the corner of the room like some permanent reminder of what would happen if we misbehaved.
It was yellow plastic strip from a road for a toy car and it had two sticking out grooves on each side of the strip.
It feckin hurt and it would be hard enough to leave two red lines across the legs.
I remember going swimming with school once and one of my friends pointing at my legs and saying "you must have been really naughty last night".
But it was the norm and no-one ever seemed to bat an eyelid if I appeared at school with bruises or marks. And I didn't think it odd either
My parents smacked us with a hand on the bum, calnly and never in anger. It was for disobedience with fair warning & was always explained it was because they loved us & was for our good. I don't think it did me any harm. I wish I could be as calm when my 3 y.o. misbehaves.
I grew up before the 70s and was never smacked. It has never seemed reasonable to me.
I'm actually quite gobsmacked by these responses. I grew up in the 70s/80s and grew up thinking that not getting hit was the norm. Dad never smacked us, ever. Mum smacked my bum twice and was eternally remorseful as she did it in anger. But using spoons and belts? That's horrific and I fail to see how that could ever be considered normal. That's about inflicting as much pain as possible, not a short, sharp shock.
I wasn't ever hit by my parents and would never hit my children.
I don't really use any kind of 'discipline' I don't think it works.
whatever was to hand when we were rude to the p's.
We laugh about it now.
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