Struggling with 8 yr old DS becoming independent..

(15 Posts)
survivingwinter Mon 07-Jan-13 10:56:52

I think there is a element of chicken and egg - maybe DS needs independence to mature. It's maybe more about coping with my anxiety that something will happen to him!

Thanks for your comments - it is helpful to know others have the same concerns. Like you say sausagesandwich I also appreciate DS will be starting secondary in 2 years and won't want me walking him to school!

sausagesandwich34 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:30:35

I live in a city oop north

you do realise your 10 year old will be going to high school soon all by himself don't you?

dd went up to the high street in the summer, got lost on the way home, stopped for a minute realised if she carried on the road she was on it came out at her primary school and she was confident of the way from there so that's exactly what she did (so proud!)

they have to learn otherwise they don't know how to deal with things when they are expected to -ie when they are in high school

OhWhatNoooow Sun 06-Jan-13 23:22:11

My son is 10 and would love to go to the local shop, but I'm still scared to let him go. Its not the roads (there are zebras and lights), its strangers I'm worried about and him not knowing the dangers. We live in London so may be different. Where do you live? A big city?

difficultpickle Sun 06-Jan-13 23:17:19

Ds is 8.5 and I let him go round to knock for friends. No roads to cross though as we live on a cul de sac with no traffic (unmade road and we are at the far end). There is a gap in a hedge near our house that goes through to a small housing estate. Ds knows children there and I let him go off to play with them. About a 3 min walk or a 1 min cycle ride.

My mum got quite cross that I let him do that but at his age I was walking 1.5 miles home from school, across busy roads.

happynewmind Sun 06-Jan-13 23:17:02

I need to do this, my dc are top end of primary blush

In my defence we live on a busy road.

5madthings Sun 06-Jan-13 23:12:56

My 8y old plays out in the culdesac we live in and can go to the local shop on his own. It all depends where you live and on the individual child tbh.

sausagesandwich34 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:10:58

my 2 are 2 years appart almost exactly, younger one wanted to go when the older one did

it's tough being the youngest one sometimes!

it's not fair on the oldest one to not let them do something because of the younger one and it's a lesson the younger one needs to learn

easier said than done I know and made so much easier when the oldest goes to high school

survivingwinter Sun 06-Jan-13 23:10:15

sausagesandwich - yes a bit more independence slowly would work and he has done a few errands like post a letter but our roads are really busy to the shop so he can't go far. I'm hoping he matures a bit in the next year or so!

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 06-Jan-13 23:05:39

Mine is a September baby so the summer before eight will be tough. Plus all his year group at school are younger. Where as the younger ds is one of he youngest in his year. So hard!

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 06-Jan-13 23:04:39

It's hard because you don't want to hold them back because of a younger sibling (18 months apart)...

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 06-Jan-13 23:03:43

See mine would have to cross two roads to get to the shop and is about a 15 to 20 minute walk, so they would have to be a lot old to do that. Dropping something to a friend is a good idea. I have a friend that can be accessed via no roads. But argh! Still!

survivingwinter Sun 06-Jan-13 23:03:38

I also have the added issue of a younger sibling too Spottybagoftumble! I don't want to molly coddle him but just not confident at all that he's aware enough of danger. It's awkward as quite a few kids knock for him some are quite a bit younger too and I just have to make an excuse why he can't come out!

sausagesandwich34 Sun 06-Jan-13 23:00:45

dds were 8.6 when I started sending them on specific errands that I knew how long they would be and that they could prove they were responsible

walk to the shop to get some milk

call to my friends to drop a book of because then friend could ring me when they were setting back etc

9.6 I started allowing them to call for friends and to the park

it would have been 9 but they are both winter babies so not much point going to the park

there were children younger than them out and about but I would not have forgiven myself if anything had happened (and I'm thinking traffic accidents rather than anything more sinister)

they are both very good in that if there are any groups of kids hanging around at the park they 'feel funny about' then they will go to their friends house or come home

they also got phones for their 9th birthdays and a condition of them going out is that they have them with them, charged and with at least £2 credit

SpottyBagOfTumble Sun 06-Jan-13 22:51:26

Watching with interest as we are in t he same situation. Some people let their seven (ours is seven, sorry) year old out to knock, some let them play on the green between the houses, some let them play in the park (which is less than 300 metres from my house and I can see from my bedroom window, but they have to cross a road to get to) so I am struggling to know when to let them do it too. Plus we have the added complication that his little brother who is five would want to come and he would want m to come and I would feel more comfortable if they were together, and tbh, he wouldn't want to go alone but might with a friend. But I know it is not up to him to watch a sibling. argh!!!

Sorry for ramble! But I was thinking just this earlier so your thread came at a good time!

survivingwinter Sun 06-Jan-13 22:44:19

My DS is 8 and I'm starting to see quite a few kids of his age out on their own. He would love more independence but is quite immature for his age and at times unaware of what is going on around him. I'm so nervous thinking about him getting into trouble or something happening to him.

What age did you let your kids out on their own and how did you decide they were ready?

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