Will I always be able to pull of having a four bedroom house?

(35 Posts)
waferhappy Fri 28-Dec-12 18:49:05

One room is mine and dh
One room is ds1 7
One room is dds 3 and 5
One room is Ds2 is 10 months
Obviously at the moment it makes sense for the two girls close in age to share? We have talked about converting the attic or adding an extension is it necessary as they get older?

EMS23 Fri 28-Dec-12 18:57:57

Are you worried the sharers will want their own rooms? If you can't get another room then perhaps they could have the biggest room in the house?

VBisme Fri 28-Dec-12 18:59:43

They're only a couple of years apart and will probably enjoy sharing a room as they get older.

VonHerrBurton Sat 29-Dec-12 12:05:14

Hmm. Not much help but it will all hinge on the girls' relationship as they get older.

I only have one child, but my sister was in a similar situation to you and moved to a bigger house with more bedrooms because of it. Her girls were 7 and 9 at the time and to her dismay (moneywise!) and delight, they wanted to share for another two years! Even slept in a double bed and chatted away about nothing! Really lovely - they were very close.

Then eldest turned 12. All hell let loose. She wanted her own space for her and her friends to hang out and talk and just be together and little sister was devastated not to be included with the older girls and pestered them, constantly.

Luckily my sister could swerve it, just, by having little sisters' friends round etc. I'm sure the equilibrium will return in a few years but that's the reason she moved, in case it doesn't! Sorry to be negative - it's just that's the only example I know of!

GingerJulep Sat 29-Dec-12 18:22:44

You'll probably be fine for another year or two, but I don't know (m)any who've not resented sharing as they got older.

Start having a look at extension/conversion options f you like the area, they often work out cheaper than moving.

Tolly81 Sat 29-Dec-12 19:58:33

I shared with my sister when we were little (there's an 18 month age gap). We did and still do get on fantastically well but as we grew up she was a neat freak and I was terribly messy and it really wound her up! She was keener to move than I was - I'm the elder - but I don't think it would have lasted into teenage years. We moved into separate rooms when I was 11 or 12 I think. You can probably make it last till about then if you give them a decent sized room and they get on but won't be easy after that.

waferhappy Sat 29-Dec-12 22:35:29

Yes they have the biggest room out the four. Even my room is smaller.
I have thought about putting a wall in their and dividing it as it is huge. The other day they were trying to hang sheets to divide their room and their only five and three.
I can't see a 13 and an 11 year old wanting to share.
Also don't think it's fair on my 5 year old who goes to school she needs a good nights sleep

I think it's a completely modern phenomenon; the idea children need their own rooms

Everyone, and I mean everyone I know with a sibling used to share

TBH I think it's the exception for large families to all have their own bedrooms rather than the rule - most people I know shared with their siblings. If you can afford to extend or move then that's great but sharing isn't a big problem or something unusual. My 14 and 12 yo share. It's not a question of whether they want to, it's a question of practicalities. What you're doing atm sounds fine smile

suebfg Sat 29-Dec-12 22:48:28

I used to share a room and it was fun whilst we were young but in our teens we both hated it. You need your privacy as you get older.

ElectricMonkBelievesInSanta Sun 30-Dec-12 00:15:48

For the same reasons as others have given, I think you'll need to split the current room in two at the very least, if you can't extend or move house by the time your eldest daughter hits puberty.

Also, in response to a couple of the posts to the contrary, there's something I feel that I should point out. I'm probably going to be flamed for this but I think it's extremely selfish for anybody to plan to have more children than they financially provide with a reasonable start in life, and IMO in the 21st century essential financial provision includes a room of one's own just as much as it includes access to (at least) further education, and a personal computer for study purposes. What happened in decades past is irrelevant - society has moved on. The current generation of children faces a future in which they will mostly have no job security, little hope of buying a house until they reach middle age (and therefore a vastly inflated rental market) and, if the current government's policies last, no chance of being allocated social housing if they need it before the age of 25. You don't just have to worry about how they will feel about sharing a room at 11 and 13 - what about 21 and 24? It's hardly uncommon now for young people to have to move home for long periods during their early adulthood due to financial necessity (my husband and I will certainly need to), and I can't imagine that will get any better over the next 20 years.

If you can start saving to avoid all of the problems that have been mentioned, I'm sure your children will be very grateful to you in years to come smile.

steppemum Sun 30-Dec-12 00:29:41

I think the idea that you need a room each is a joke. it is fine to share, and many people have managed pefectly well their whole lives. My dcsall shred one room until ds was 8 (and dds 6 and 4) Now dds share. It is a love hate relationship at times. but it has been good for all of them to share.
The bigger issue might be how come both boys get a room and girls don't
If you can do the conversion (even a temporary divide down their current room) I am sure they will really appreciate that as they get older, a small private space is probably better than a large shred one, but it is not a necessity.

We are now doing a conversion so my dds will get their own rooms, but this house and our finances can do it. If they couldn't then I wouldn't be worrying about them sharing

5madthings Sun 30-Dec-12 00:34:03

We have ds1 (13) and ds2 (10) in a room.

Ds3 (just 8) and ds4 (4) in a room.

Dd (2) in with us, at some point dd will go in with the younger boys and we plan on a loft conversion that dp and i will.have and the re-jig the five children between the three rooms.

Tolly81 Sun 30-Dec-12 10:32:43

I absolutely can't see how sharing a room doesn't constitute a good start in life! My sister and I both have several degrees and postgrad qualifications each, have good jobs with good salaries and are homeowners. I had my own property by the age of 24 bought with my own money. Admittedly this was the end of the 20th century not the 21st but what a ludicrous argument. Oh and by the way screen time in children (from personal computers or tv) has been unequivocally linked to lower IQ and childhood obesity - sharing a room hasn't!

DorisIsWaiting Sun 30-Dec-12 10:46:04

My children will be sharing for the forseeable future. I grew up with 3 of us in a room eventually I got my own room and dsis's shared then when I moved out to uni they mostly had their own rooms. It did not damage my childhood (if anything it made me closer to my sis's.

The idea that a child should have their own room by right is bizarre. Finnacially providing for a child and giving them their own room are completely separate things. Unless were back to a "the poor should not procreate" argument.

DorisIsWaiting Sun 30-Dec-12 10:46:23

we're

ChristmasJubilee Sun 30-Dec-12 10:48:23

Most of the houses in our area have three bedrooms. If you have two children the get one each if you have three or more they get to share. It is ridiculous to suggest that you limit your family so that they don't have to share a room.

DowagersHump Sun 30-Dec-12 10:51:55

Of course it isn't a right to have your own room but it does seem very unfair that your middle children have to share when the eldest and the youngest don't by dint of their gender.

I always had to share when I was growing up - my elder sister never did. I left home at 16 and have lived on my own pretty much ever since. I can't bear not having privacy or my own space

I think it's extremely selfish for anybody to plan to have more children than they financially provide with a reasonable start in life, and IMO in the 21st century essential financial provision includes a room of one's own just as much as it includes access to (at least) further education, and a personal computer for study purposes

And what if children aren't planned? Or circumstances change? What a silly thing to say. hmm

OP I think sharing is just fine if you don't have an alternative. If you can reasonably divide the room or afford an extension then that's something to consider, but if not there's nothing wrong with sharing.

My kids are off to an awful start..

Dds 5,4&2 all share the biggest room with 1yr old ds on his own in the box room

We converted the loft when dd2 was born although its under the eaves so not huge. Me & dh sleep up there.

Other bedroom is for our lodger. We need him here as we wouldn't afford to live without his rent money.

Eventually we will move but wouldn't be able to afford to have a 5 bedroom house.

What a load of crap that they need their own room!

trixymalixy Sun 30-Dec-12 11:01:56

My sister and I had a bedroom each, but preferred to share a room when we were younger. Once we went to secondary school that changed and we preferred our own space.

forevergreek Sun 30-Dec-12 11:09:52

We have 4 people in 1 bedroom. 2 adults and 2 toddlers. We have a better life because of it.

We live in possibly the most expensive area of London. To increase I a 2 bed would double our monthly rent (3bed out of the question). We need to live here due to work for us both ( long hours- would need a taxi to and home etc as out of public transport times, as it is we can walk)
Because we choose to live in a smaller property, we have enough money left over to enjoy life to the full. We can go as a family on city weekend breaks abroad, theatre trips, memberships to places etc etc without worrying about cost.. A two bed flat in the same street is approx £2800-3000 a month. that would take those options away from us

In a couple of years we may have to move out a bit to get a 2 bed, but our lifestyle will change. Rent will be the same but for bigger, but we will have high commuting costs, will need extra childcare to accomadation for extra travelling time to and from work, and as a family less time together. I definitely think us sharing benefits the family a lot more than a bedroom each as the downsides to that would be greater.

noisytoys Sun 30-Dec-12 11:14:13

My DDs literally share a bed-room. It is so small it only fits the bunk beds in with enough room to open the door. We hope to move in 5 or so years but they are only 2 and 4 and haven't complained about sharing or about the size of their room

VerityClinch Sun 30-Dec-12 11:14:46

And what happens if one parent gets made redundant, gets ill or dies, and you have to move to a smaller house, with fewer bedrooms?

Do you sell one child on eBay so they don't have to share a room?

DowagersHump Sun 30-Dec-12 11:15:04

Sorry - that sounded a bit melodramatic - I didn't only leave home because I didn't have my own room, there were a lot of other reasons too.

But I think it's hard if only some of the children always share and some of them always get their own room. Children are very sensitive to things being 'fair'. I might have felt differently if my sisters and I weren't all very close in age and I always had to share everything with my little sister whereas my older sister never had to share. I think I suffer from middle child syndrome to a large extent though wink

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