Mumsnet Talk

its just that the shops seem to be full of two for one deals. annuals, advent calenders, selection boxes... i always end up feeling guilty for just hsaving one.

is it just me?

No I don't at all. DD is 9 now and I have never really found it difficult/more obvious around christmas time.

I buy presents for a few children, so am always really pleased to see offers on selection boxes etc

Sorry to hear you are finding it a bit tough.

i have a lovely neice and nephew too, and always get things for them, but just finding it tough. maybe it will pass!

Why do you feel guilty, what is the guilt about?

just at not being able to produce a sibling for him. i know its daft, but still...

i know what you mean. my situation is that i am now on my own with dd, and I was only thinking today how excited me and my sis used to get about xmas.

i try and do my best, and i am sure she obviously doesn't know any better, and she always gets nice presents. yet had dh stuck around, we might have had a sibling.

I just feel dd's life is a little empty of 'people and attention' at times. parents abroad, one parent no really in our life.

I would love a big family xmas!! Yet do honestly count our blessings. I see those ads on tv, with lotsof people in a cosy living room for xmas and think 'aw, that looks fab'

sorry you feel a bit but i guess it's just letting it out that will help, andknow you aren't alone.

exactly piratecat, ds has lots of fab presents this year and has been spoilt rotten at Christmas every year, but im very aware that he should really have a sibling by now.

Hi Lissie, you are not alone in feeling this. I keep thinking of the great Xmases i shared with my sis and do get a bit that dd has no-one to share with.

TBH tho, its not just Xmas - since i found out i can't have any more, i often get a bit tearful when i see siblings playing happily. Even tho dd has never mentioned wanting a bro/sis...

But try and think that your ds gets more of your love and attention on his own

Oh come on, ladies, your child doesn't need a sibling to make Christmas magical and fun. Start creating your own family traditions for just the three of you, or two if you are a single parent. This year we're going to do the Christmas Eve hamper as mentioned on a thread in the Xmas topic. One of Santa's elves is going to leave a hamper with pj's for dd, an Xmas book, a DVD for us to watch on Xmas Eve and some reindeer food for Rudolph.

Siblings frequently fight on Xmas day about who's got the most/best toys anyway.

We have xmas traditions, and have fun, but it feels like there's a gap.

I have to admit I am finding it hard to decide what to buy ds this year - I think it becomes more noticeable if you have an only child as they get older... Its not always possible to play with ds so it makes gifts like board games etc tricky. I guess I am trying to find things he can play with on his own but it is a shame I am analysing potential gifts to see whether he needs us to use them rather than playing with a sibling.

I think this is just a version of pressure to conform to some sort of ideal that Christmas can bring to us all - as you say if there are sadnesses in life (inability to have any child/ more children/ loss of loved ones/ general loneliness) they are exacerbated by Christmas

But of course intellectually one can see plenty of evidence/ threads where the "problems" at Christmas centre around too many family/ children etc etc

So try to be easy on yourself, recognise it as highlighting something that is there anyway (and I don't mean that to diminish or suggest the feeling isn't real) and have fun!

Only children are not worse off in life by virtue of having no siblings, however having a sad and guilty mother for whatever reason is likely to impact on your ds. Why not get some counselling to help deal with your feelings?
Why not focus on the many positives of having one child?

we do have great traditions and have been doing a variation on the hamper every year (jack frost leaves a pair of pj's reindeer food and a book on our doorstep for when we get back from walking the dog, we know its him because of the ice cubes ) but I am from a large family and always saw myself with 4dc. pre-ds we were provisionally accepted to adopt and would have adopted siblings rather than just 1.

i am just being daft!

dasiy, that was a lovely post!

lissie, not daft just human!

It's easy to spend a lot of time mourning for the life you thought you were going to have...but that can get in the way of enjoying the life you actually have!

Thanks Piratecat

I really would like to see the emoticon banished from this topic. It really pisses me off when someone (me!)tries to do a positive post about having an only child and someone replies with a .

Daisy is quite right; Christmas does tend to accentuate whatever mood one is in and advertising in particular depicts a sort of cheery, nuclear, 2.4 children family that, actually, is quite rare these days.

There are a lot of positives to having one child and (even if this wasn't one's original plan or intention) I think one has to train oneself to focus on them. It is important, I think, to get out of the habit of noticing the child who isn't there, as it will bring everyone down including, possibly, the child one has.

I love this hamper idea and think I may copy it!

I rather like this time of year with one child. We can do days out and activities together and not have to negotiate between multiple children of different ages, needs and desires.

We can afford to take one child places.

Or (memories of last year) you can buy a family ticket to the panto (2+2) for the cost of two adult and one child tickets and then invite a friend along.

I frequently feel sad about not having managed a sibling for ds, but I must say that when I see my multiparous friends having to deal with the cost of 2 or more lots of presents etc, this is exactly the time of year when I feel less sad about it... [scrooge emoticon]

I have some lovely Christmas memories and I must say that nearly all of them are of a) opening presents, b) hanging out with my mum and c) events where there were no siblings, e.g. carol singing with the church choir, which I did with one parent only and which I loved passionately. We did usually have cousins at some point at Christmas but I was a fair bit younger than most of them, so my sister and brother spent time with them and there wasn't usually anyone around for me to play with. I was pretty happy tbh.

ok, have relaxed a bit now, thank you all for your kind words. i do feel better about it now, ds will have a wonderful Christmas and be spoilt rotten. there are plenty of bonuses to being an only

hurrah! glad you feel a bit better
have a wonderful christmas!