My only DS growing up in an 'adult' world: How to prevent?

(9 Posts)
Hoopsadazy Fri 07-Dec-12 09:59:22

DS is an only child. We don't know any kids of his age nearby, although we have recently moved so are keeping our fingers crossed that we can break into the social circles of the locals somehow. However, during recent half term, DS spent the week with me or grandparent and we didn't see any other children.

Like a recent post on here, I also struggle with it being him and me for lunch and dinner as DH not home til late. Am very concerned that a lot of his life is with his parents or grandparents. I know that I talk to him throughout the day about what's going on (daily plans, things we need to do, etc.) but a lot of that is cos there's no one else here.

He likes to know a lot of what's going on around him and get involved. He is always included in with the family stuff, which I guess is something that happens with an only. I grew up with a child-heavy family ratio and it was very much 'us and them' for kids and parents whereas we are more of a team of three.

Sorry this a bit rambling but I guess I want to know if he'll be ok or any tips on how we can improve things from those of you who are further along the line.

beanandspud Fri 07-Dec-12 13:07:31

DS is nearly 5 and I used to worry about him having mostly adults for company.

Now he is at school all day with other children, he is beginning to get invitations to parties at the weekend, he goes swimming on a Saturday and I don't worry so much - in fact I can almost see a time when I'll be wishing we had more time to ourselves with him!

Because I work he will go to a holiday club during school holidays and although we don't have a huge amount of spare time I do try to have friends over to play occasionally.

There are a lot of 'pluses' to having a child who spends a lot of time with grown-ups - DS has quite 'adult' conversations and a good vocabulary, he enjoys going out for meals with us, we play games together and he is quite mature for his age most of the time.

Not really sure where I am going with this but I think being aware of the potential pitfalls is half of the battle and making opportunities where possible to spend time with other children. When we went abroad we deliberately chose somewhere where there were likely to be other children - he made friends but we still enjoyed some evenings out as our little 'team of three'.

Don't worry, your DS will be absolutely fine!

Hoopsadazy Fri 07-Dec-12 13:28:50

Thank you, that all sounds reassuring. Have mentioned it to the nursery today as he has just started there due to us moving house. Hopefully she might tell us if there are any other desperate mums out there smile Have also asked for help for Jan as DS will be 4 in Feb and would be nice for him to have a kids to celebrate with this year.

I do look forward to the more adult stuff and do try to look at the positives of that since we can only have one.

I just worry about too much on little shoulders and him being able to tap into the 'sillyness' that he should be doing at his age.

ChunkyPickle Fri 07-Dec-12 13:38:41

I know what you mean about the 'us and them' feel of larger families, and that having only one DS does make you more of a unit of three.

My DS was in a similar boat (we were living with his GP, so he was the only child in amongst 4 adults all the time). Now we've moved so it's just me, DP and him, and I send him to a childminder and a playgroup so he can meet other kids and play with other people.

And there are pluses as bean says - DS is only 2, but behaves very well in a restaurant, can cope just fine with the occasional late night, and was super confident going into playgroup on his own (we've never had tears about being left).

UniS Fri 07-Dec-12 20:03:37

I think school more or less takes care of it in a year or so's time. DS is now 6. He has mates his own age who he sees at school, in the holidays we go to the park and generally meet someone he is at school with. We enjoy spending part of our holiday weeks as just the two of us, we make stuff and go on outings or bike rides. things his friends with small siblings don;t get to do so often.
I do try and sort out a few "mates to play" during the holidays and occasional after school. It seems to work out OK.

GrimmaTheNome Fri 07-Dec-12 20:13:41

I've got an only - she's 13 now and was always 'able to tap into the 'sillyness'' - and still isgrin. Very socialble and lots of friends mostly aquired at school - one or two local but that didn't happen till she was 8 or 9.

You're sending him to nursery, he'll go to school- he'll be fine!

Perhaps it helps if you're able to do 'silly' at times too (I'm not past it at 51!)

ComeIntoTheMistletoeGardenMaud Sun 09-Dec-12 18:47:59

I'd echo all that's been said. I think only children so in a way inhabit a world that's more adult than that of their friends with siblings, but that's not all bad!

Hoopsadazy Mon 17-Dec-12 10:09:01

Been away for a week, but thanks for your reassurance. We were on holiday and was noticing the other onlies - quite a few in Scandinavia it seems! Didn't manage to talk to any about it but did notice one couple on the beach with a boy of about 8 who seemed to be taking it in turn to amuse the son. Seems that is the way when there aren't other kids around they can play with. DS played with some others in the playground but other kids still don't seems to be on his radar so much.

I guess school next year will really help it.

Leeds2 Thu 20-Dec-12 16:04:11

Could you maybe do a club/organised activity of some sort? My DD (now 14) is an only child, and she used to go to swimming and tennis before she started school, as I was conscious that I wanted her to be used to being around other children! There are lots of things on offer, at weekends as wll as evenings.

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