Desire for another child not coming naturally

(13 Posts)
JeuxDEnfants Mon 01-Oct-12 20:17:00

I have a ds who is just 3. I always wanted 2 children but as time passes I feel the desire waning. I'm only early thirties. People think I'm crazy... I just can't see how it would work if the desire isn't there... How do you make up your mind for good. Time is running out in terms of ds beig of a close enough e to a sibling to interact with common interests.

purpleroses Mon 01-Oct-12 20:20:29

I wouldn't rush - mine are 3.7 years apart and don't get on at all well. Very different personalities and too far apart in age to really be on the same page, yet not far enough for DC1 to be protective of DC2. 5 or 6 years gap would be nice I think. But if you're happy with one, then stick with that.

JeuxDEnfants Mon 01-Oct-12 20:23:16

My partner says he would like another one, but accepts my wishes. How do you reconcile that? Worried I'm making a big decision that affects him and my ds not just me... Big responsibility.

CMOTDibbler Mon 01-Oct-12 20:23:53

I think that of all things, having a child is something you should only enter into if you really want one.
You have loads of time if you decide later, and bigger age gaps can work in different ways - my friend has 18, 11 and 6 year olds as she needed the time between to decide and they are v happy

I have a 9yr old DD and a 4yr old DS and they get on really well (mostly!) - nephews are 8yrs apart and it's worked well too.

I felt like you (hence the age gap) and had the same doubts - you may also change your mind or you may not and both options are fine!

JeuxDEnfants Mon 01-Oct-12 20:44:08

Ok, I'll see how things go... I hate not being sure about something do important and not knowing how to plan the next few years...

In truth I would like another but I'm not sure if I could handle it and so it well, emotionally, physically, time wise and financially.

Romilly70 Mon 01-Oct-12 20:47:56

you have plenty of time to decide, if you are not sure why rush?
(I am 42 and only have one 2 year old DS; in theory I would like 2, but I don't feel the burning desire i had to have a child when ttc DS.)
Well my biological clock will probably decide for me....

GateGipsy Wed 03-Oct-12 16:44:07

oooh what everyone else says. Just enjoy your family for now and don't worry about it. In time you'll find that you either do want another child, or in actual fact your family is complete as it is. I think that we all know in our hearts for sure when our family is complete, which is why some are happy with one, while others need 2 or 3, or more!

JeuxDEnfants Wed 03-Oct-12 19:24:59

I feel it's complete but will ds as he gets older? I know this topic has been done to death on here but I'm really struggling with it. Feel like I'm denying him something... It's a total headf**k sad.

HearMyRoar Fri 05-Oct-12 14:13:37

I always think that having a second child because you worry you would be denying the first something if you didn't is a mistake. There is never any guarantee they will get on, it is really not that unusual for siblings to not like each other, I know plenty, and then where would you be.

You should have a child because you want that child for their own sake, any other reason just isn't fair IMHO. If you don't want one you don't want one and there is nothing wrong with that.

FeckOffCup Fri 21-Dec-12 19:25:21

I feel the same as you Jeux, my DD has just turned 2 and I don't feel any desire to have another, I was desperate to fall pregnant with her and just don't feel the same about a second pregnancy. When DD was a baby I felt like I wanted another one but circumstances forced me to hold off on TTC and now the want has gone away. I worry that I have been so lucky with DD (had a scare in pregnancy that she was going to be born with a disability, thankfully it came to nothing and she is fine) that I would be tempting fate by trying for another. I worry that I would end up with twins or more and wouldn't cope and that having another would damage my relationship with DD. The selfish part of me also thinks that life would be easier with just one, I can easily take her out for the day when DH is working and give her my undivided attention without having to consider another child's needs. I don't know if my feelings will change in time but I am only in my early 30s so I still have some time but I'm not considering having another unless I actively feel like I want one, not just because it's what's expected.

Bullets Sat 29-Dec-12 20:46:26

Really interesting thread - I feel exactly the same as you OP!

Our DS turned two in October and apart from a broody week when he turned 18 months, I feel no desire for further children (DH would prefer we don't have any more) but like you I worry about the possible negative effects of this on DS.

DH are I are also in our early 30s so have a few years before crunch time hopefully, but having made our decision to carry on as the three of us for the next couple of years as a minimum has felt like a massive weight has lifted from my shoulders. I finally feel like our relationship is getting back on track and we're not 'just' mummy and daddy anymore. I think subconsciously the worry over whether or not to TTC another child was holding us back sexually, and since we decided not to try, things have been vastly improved in the bedroom!!! (sorry if TMI!)

LibraryMum8 Tue 01-Jan-13 02:59:12

I too have an only and would love for him to have a sibling. Unfortunately I went into premature menopause after 2 mc's so the decision has been made for me. After years of agonizing about it I've come to terms with it. I've realized that for me personally to have (or adopt) another just to give ds a sibling would be a mistake. My only child friends turned out great and said they never missed what they didn't have.

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