Only children are rude and inconsiderate apparently!

(37 Posts)
N0tinmylife Fri 13-Jul-12 10:08:40

Sorry, feel the need to have a bit of a rant! I was chatting with a friend yesterday. She was telling me about two teenage girls she knows. One is kind, polite, considerate, the other is rude, inconsiderate, and generally not very nice. Apparently "Its because she is an only child, you can really tell the difference!" Is it just me that finds this bloody annoying. Should I just give up trying to teach DS to be a decent polite member of society as he is an only child so it is a foregone conclusion that is how he will turn out? Aargh!

Tubemole1 Sun 15-Dec-13 20:50:06

An overgeneralization. My daughter is noited by her head teacher to be well behaved and polite. At home she's more mischievous but deffo not naughty.

Inkspellme Sun 08-Sep-13 14:23:21

I am not an only and have 2 children. However, my DD's best friend is an only child. they're 15 and I've just had the friend away on holidays with us for 10 days. Def not spoilt despite being from a very financially comfortable home and materialistically having above the average. that happens to be her circumstances. her behavior was not spoilt, and not anti-social. I'm also a pre-school teacher. I've had the brattish kids. Sometimes they're only kids, sometimes middle kids, sometimes eldest, sometimes youngest.... in other words individuals and products of their own circumstances and parenting style used by their family.

I have a daughter and a son and what I get from people is that when they do something different from one another it's because they're a girl or because they're a boy. It's not just those reasons. it's because they're not copies of one another and have their own likes and dislikes and personalities. same with an only child - their personalities are not only because of family circumstances but so much else as well.

Snog Sat 07-Sep-13 17:56:03

Agree that children being polite, sharing etc is about good parenting and not how many siblings you have.
Your friend is not only talking nonsense but is being ignorant, prejudiced and offensive. i hope you picked her up on this.

BlueShirtBlueTie Thu 22-Aug-13 16:16:19

I agree with Primrose. I'm an only child and whilst my parents weren't overly strict (they were strict on some things, weirdly lax about other things) I was certainly not spoilt and was expected to always be polite and to respect my elders. A lot of people have actually expressed surprise over the years that I'm an only child because apparently I don't come across as an only (whatever that means).

I had a "friend" in secondary school who was one of seven children and she was the most selfish, spoilt and entitled person I've ever met. She was constantly ordering me around and expected us to do whatever she wanted to do. She didn't care what I thought, it was all about her. I know at least two of her siblings were the same way.

I'm not going to put it down to her being from a big family though. I put it down to the way her parents raised her. Obviously her parents raised her to be an over entitled cow, hence why at least two of her siblings were the same way. She would have been the same even if she'd been an only child. Just like my parents would have still raised me to be polite and well mannered even if I'd had siblings. That's ultimately what it's down to. The parents.

Primrose123 Sun 21-Jul-13 11:02:44

I am an only child (although not a child at all any more!).

My parents were quite strict, I was not spoilt, and was taught to be polite and kind.

I used to find that many of my friends with brothers and sisters used to behave the way you would expect a 'spoilt only child' to behave. I wouldn't have got away with it!

LincRec01 Sun 21-Jul-13 10:47:43

My ds is 5. He is more polite than my sisters kids. He does get more as a result of being an only. This is in return for good behaviour. He doesn't get his own way all the time. He understands he has to earn nice things.

Perriwinkle Tue 15-Jan-13 21:24:44

It's a totally ignorant, spurious bollocks judgement. Everyone with half a brain cell knows that. Refuse to engage with and change the subject if it happens again, or failing that, find some more sensible friends.

mysweetie Fri 11-Jan-13 13:42:31

It will always depend on how a kid is raised. We are 8 in the family but I must admit not all have good traits we have our bad/good traits.

When it comes to only baby, my baby is 19mo now yet she is already showing some traits..sharing, don't grab things when not hers, can wait, eager and others though she also have some other traits she bites when someone grabs what she have but give if they ask, don't come near a possible danger such as my nephew, when she sees food she wont grab or anything.

In the other hand, my sister and her DH and 2 kids are with us. My nephews always cries, throws food, yell at there parents, unrespectful, not sharing and others.

So,. it will not always end with just having one kid, It will always depend on how we raise them.

ivykaty44 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:19:18

So on a survey of two people your friend has concluded that as one has a personality that is moulded this way it must be due to her being an only child. Bit like saying all blind people have labradors smile

Well I think on a survey of one, your friend is a twat as she made a twatish survey, I am sure everyone must have and need a twatish friend and this is your - hopefully- one and only twatish friend grin

Snog Sun 25-Nov-12 21:14:59

The rude and inconsiderate ones here are the adults who tell you that only children are rude and inconsiderate.

The reality is that only children need good social skills in order to have a social life as they cannot depend on the tolerance of siblings.

Challenge the people who trot out this $hit fgs!

Betty5313 Thu 08-Nov-12 10:56:53

Well dd 2.9 is and will be an only, and we have taught her good manners and consideration for others from the off as any parent should. Early days yet, but at playgroup she is the one saying please and thank you at snack time, and offering to share toys with other children. Two other girls a very similar age, one who is one of 4 and the other one of 3 are ignorant and rude, pushing and shoving. But I don't think it has anything to do with family size, more parenting styles. Maybe with only one I actually have more time to make sure she is considerate?!

flutterby84 Sun 28-Oct-12 18:12:37

my son is my only child and since the moment he could talk he has been taught manners. he is 4 yrs old and everyone loves him. i know people with more than one child and i want to run screaming away because they have got away with murder and think they will with other people. it's all down to how the parent works not weather they have a brother or sister.

BodyOfEeyore Sat 11-Aug-12 13:37:07

My brother must be an only child then grin

HappyOrchid Sat 11-Aug-12 13:35:36

Have calmed down now about HT's remarks. They were in a letter from him acknowledging that she is leaving the school as she has had a really rough year there. I'm taking it that he's feeling rather bitter. We shall rise above it grin

LizzieVereker Fri 10-Aug-12 10:40:01

Happy Orchid - I'm speechless with outrage at the comments your child's HT wrote. How dare he comment on your family set up in such a glib manner? And who cares whether he likes her or not? Really unprofessional.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Fri 10-Aug-12 09:50:55

I don't generally believe in complaining to schools (I'm amazed at what some parents will go in, all guns blazing, about) but if any HT made such remarks about my child I would complain. Even without the stereotypical, prejudiced remarks about being an only child, basing any assessment on what one imagines their home life to be like is sloppy and unprofessional.

I noticed some of these prejudices yesterday on a thread about having a second child. Some posters thought it was one's duty to have a second child, as a child without siblings would inevitably be brattish. Huh.

LackingNameChangeInspiration Thu 09-Aug-12 20:09:17

I was an only child and had to learn to rein in my over generosity

My CM had 6 children and they were fiercly miserly and possessive of their things/space

because they had to be or it'ld be pinched by a sibling if they took their eyes off anything for 5 seconds and I didn't have to worry about anyone sharing my stuff too much!

Its bollocks, there are as many inconsiderate spoilt non onlies but when they do it they don't say "ooo its because they're not onlies"

as the most materially spoilt children I grew up with were, again, the extrememly large families - they were the kids who destroyed presents in 5 mins of getting them and didn't value anything. I understand why the parents did go for more material gifts with lots of kids, its easier to be fair with gifts than with activities! but I got money spent on my education and hobbies rather than "stuff" as my parents didin't have to worry that there was another sibling who would expect the same in 2 years or whatever IYKWIM

I'm expecting no2 and am quite worried about the negative implications for DS of NOT being an only child and I feel guilt that he will loose his only advantages in life.

HappyOrchid Thu 09-Aug-12 20:06:46

She doesn't get her own way.
She doesn't decide bed time - I do
She doesn't decide what or when to eat - I do

Yes, she gets to choose some things it's called learning responsibility.

She's the only kid in her class without an iPad, several of the little darlings have ponies and will probably grow up to be 'proper little madams'

Ah well, DD got a good sport award today at her holiday club for being on the losing team and taking it well. As she said to me 'it doesn't matter does it mom'

HappyOrchid Thu 09-Aug-12 20:01:21

I am fuming this evening as DD's head has written:

I like X, but she has the disadvantage of being an only child and is too used to getting her own way.

1. Yes, she is an only child not much I can do about that.
2. Why is it a disadvantage
3. How does he judge that she gets her own way?

angry

skyebluesapphire Sat 21-Jul-12 19:39:26

My DD is an only child and has been brought up to say please and thank you. She shares her toys and her sweets and is a very sociable child. She also has a fantastic imagination and plays happily on her own.

The last thing I want is for her to be a spoiled brat just because she is an only child, so I try hard to ensure that she isn't.

GrimmaTheNome Tue 17-Jul-12 17:01:19

exactly one

GrimmaTheNome Tue 17-Jul-12 17:00:55

There is exactly generalisation which isn't bollocks: 'All generalisations are bollocks'. grin

Devora Tue 17-Jul-12 16:55:57

Only children are social misfits.
Girls are bitchy and manipulative.
Boys are born naughty.
A close age gap means they'll be friends.
Older mothers are patient but don't have the energy to run round the park and won't understand their teenagers.
Younger mothers are lots of fun but always off out clubbing and neglecting their children.

Ad nauseam.

puds11 Tue 17-Jul-12 16:10:29

Crock of shit. My DD is polite and well mannerd. If your child is rude, its because you didnt do a good enough job bringing them up!

Notinmykitchen Tue 17-Jul-12 16:04:58

Thanks all, I knew it was rubbish when it was said, but it is good to hear about all the nice onlies out there. grin

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