Mumsnet Talk

It's a totally ignorant, spurious bollocks judgement. Everyone with half a brain cell knows that. Refuse to engage with and change the subject if it happens again, or failing that, find some more sensible friends.

It will always depend on how a kid is raised. We are 8 in the family but I must admit not all have good traits we have our bad/good traits.

When it comes to only baby, my baby is 19mo now yet she is already showing some traits..sharing, don't grab things when not hers, can wait, eager and others though she also have some other traits she bites when someone grabs what she have but give if they ask, don't come near a possible danger such as my nephew, when she sees food she wont grab or anything.

In the other hand, my sister and her DH and 2 kids are with us. My nephews always cries, throws food, yell at there parents, unrespectful, not sharing and others.

So,. it will not always end with just having one kid, It will always depend on how we raise them.

So on a survey of two people your friend has concluded that as one has a personality that is moulded this way it must be due to her being an only child. Bit like saying all blind people have labradors

Well I think on a survey of one, your friend is a twat as she made a twatish survey, I am sure everyone must have and need a twatish friend and this is your - hopefully- one and only twatish friend

The rude and inconsiderate ones here are the adults who tell you that only children are rude and inconsiderate.

The reality is that only children need good social skills in order to have a social life as they cannot depend on the tolerance of siblings.

Challenge the people who trot out this $hit fgs!

Well dd 2.9 is and will be an only, and we have taught her good manners and consideration for others from the off as any parent should. Early days yet, but at playgroup she is the one saying please and thank you at snack time, and offering to share toys with other children. Two other girls a very similar age, one who is one of 4 and the other one of 3 are ignorant and rude, pushing and shoving. But I don't think it has anything to do with family size, more parenting styles. Maybe with only one I actually have more time to make sure she is considerate?!

my son is my only child and since the moment he could talk he has been taught manners. he is 4 yrs old and everyone loves him. i know people with more than one child and i want to run screaming away because they have got away with murder and think they will with other people. it's all down to how the parent works not weather they have a brother or sister.

My brother must be an only child then

Have calmed down now about HT's remarks. They were in a letter from him acknowledging that she is leaving the school as she has had a really rough year there. I'm taking it that he's feeling rather bitter. We shall rise above it

Happy Orchid - I'm speechless with outrage at the comments your child's HT wrote. How dare he comment on your family set up in such a glib manner? And who cares whether he likes her or not? Really unprofessional.

I don't generally believe in complaining to schools (I'm amazed at what some parents will go in, all guns blazing, about) but if any HT made such remarks about my child I would complain. Even without the stereotypical, prejudiced remarks about being an only child, basing any assessment on what one imagines their home life to be like is sloppy and unprofessional.

I noticed some of these prejudices yesterday on a thread about having a second child. Some posters thought it was one's duty to have a second child, as a child without siblings would inevitably be brattish. Huh.

I was an only child and had to learn to rein in my over generosity

My CM had 6 children and they were fiercly miserly and possessive of their things/space

because they had to be or it'ld be pinched by a sibling if they took their eyes off anything for 5 seconds and I didn't have to worry about anyone sharing my stuff too much!

Its bollocks, there are as many inconsiderate spoilt non onlies but when they do it they don't say "ooo its because they're not onlies"

as the most materially spoilt children I grew up with were, again, the extrememly large families - they were the kids who destroyed presents in 5 mins of getting them and didn't value anything. I understand why the parents did go for more material gifts with lots of kids, its easier to be fair with gifts than with activities! but I got money spent on my education and hobbies rather than "stuff" as my parents didin't have to worry that there was another sibling who would expect the same in 2 years or whatever IYKWIM

I'm expecting no2 and am quite worried about the negative implications for DS of NOT being an only child and I feel guilt that he will loose his only advantages in life.

She doesn't get her own way.
She doesn't decide bed time - I do
She doesn't decide what or when to eat - I do

Yes, she gets to choose some things it's called learning responsibility.

She's the only kid in her class without an iPad, several of the little darlings have ponies and will probably grow up to be 'proper little madams'

Ah well, DD got a good sport award today at her holiday club for being on the losing team and taking it well. As she said to me 'it doesn't matter does it mom'

I am fuming this evening as DD's head has written:

I like X, but she has the disadvantage of being an only child and is too used to getting her own way.

1. Yes, she is an only child not much I can do about that.
2. Why is it a disadvantage
3. How does he judge that she gets her own way?

My DD is an only child and has been brought up to say please and thank you. She shares her toys and her sweets and is a very sociable child. She also has a fantastic imagination and plays happily on her own.

The last thing I want is for her to be a spoiled brat just because she is an only child, so I try hard to ensure that she isn't.

exactly one

There is exactly generalisation which isn't bollocks: 'All generalisations are bollocks'.

Only children are social misfits.
Girls are bitchy and manipulative.
Boys are born naughty.
A close age gap means they'll be friends.
Older mothers are patient but don't have the energy to run round the park and won't understand their teenagers.
Younger mothers are lots of fun but always off out clubbing and neglecting their children.

Ad nauseam.

Crock of shit. My DD is polite and well mannerd. If your child is rude, its because you didnt do a good enough job bringing them up!

Thanks all, I knew it was rubbish when it was said, but it is good to hear about all the nice onlies out there.

Bollocks. My boy is kind, affectionate and thoughtful. He's brilliant at sharing and will go put of his way to cheer people would then are sad or hurt. he's 4.5.
The people who are making these comments are much ruder than the children they are criticising. Ignore the rotters.

That is so much bollocks, both my niece and nephew are only children, both lovely, never give their parents an ounce of bother unlike my 3.

I know quite a lot of 'only' children and most are beautifully behaved, a couple are very insecure, one in particular is a monstrously rude little boy who doesn't appear to have ever heard the word 'no' from his parents.

I don't think it's fair to generalise that 'only' children behave in only one way. That said I have noticed that many of the single children we know seem happier in the company of adults and appear to have difficulty coping with the chaotic noisiness and banter between my kids; I suppose from not being accustomed to that kind of relationship.

I saw the title and had to chip in as my best friend is an only, also one of the kindest, most generous people I've ever known. I agree, whether you have siblings or not doesn't make as much difference as how well you're raised.

The same people who make generalisations about onlies tend to also have opinions about second child syndrome, middle children being difficult, children from large families having social problems, etc, etc...

It's so much easier to pick up on manners when there's only one child because they get your full attention.

Sometimes they can interrupt because they're not used to having to wait, but again, you can correct them on that.

Does she want to come & meet my 6yr old DS who has better manners than a lot of adults I know?